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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:10 pm 
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Sorry, have to take this down, as I'm finally done editing and will begin submitting to agents and such. Hope the viewers who didn't comment enjoyed it!

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Last edited by rstnme on Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:24 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:12 am 
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It's really hard to make a review based in just one chapter and I am not a professional reviewer, just a person who reads a lot (books and reviews), but I will try to say my point of view. Don't be mad at me if I say something you don't like.

First, after reading many critics reviews, I know that writing in the first person is dangerous, because you will need much more skill and a really good character to keep readers motivated.

Second, I think that it is better to spend the first chapter describing the main character or the setting, rather than going straight to the supernatural without any explanation.

Third, a transparent body is a really hard thing to miss. It really kills my interest, however it may appeal to young readers though.


Last edited by True_Believer on Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:03 am 
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Thanks for reading it! I've got thick skin, so be as harsh as you want :)

So it's not clear that Hisoka only became ghostly when the sun rose?

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"In all fairness that probably is a sight that would make you stop and reevaluate your life choices." ~ Garren_Windspear

Talcar Battle Map
The Tower
Initiative Order
Talcar Characters


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:40 am 
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It seems he was transparent since the beginning, but she only noticed it later. At least in my understanding.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:53 am 
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Gotcha, I'll have to make that clearer. Thanks again!

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"In all fairness that probably is a sight that would make you stop and reevaluate your life choices." ~ Garren_Windspear

Talcar Battle Map
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Talcar Characters


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 10:15 pm 
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Getting the first 4 chapters workshopped tomorrow. Should be interesting.

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Talcar Characters


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