I think this line may be missing a comma:
Quote:
Adajusa Adarma did not ask her elders nor her superiors these questions, for she had learned long ago that questions in these lines were sure to be answered that the way things were was simply the way that they were supposed to be.
Because it seems to go on too long and loses its train of thought along the way.
Typo:
Quote:
there was no telling how long the Emperor would remain upon his throne into the night any more than one could so how long the throne would remain his.
Should be "than one could
know how long."
Typo:
Quote:
only to return with greatest hast
Should be "haste."
Typo:
Quote:
saw and heart much of discontent and problems
Should be "heard" instead of "heart."
I won't lie, parts of this (especially in the first paragraphs) were a bit of a slog due to the old Mesopotamian-style of listing off titles. The style really does paint a picture as much as the actual words do, though, so
. Aside from the occasional confusion from the longest sentences, it was very nicely done. It felt organic and fitting ― I don't have any problem imagining this happening. In short,in vote Yea.
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