Oh, yeah, it has been a while since I checked in, hasn't it?

I've been doing surprisingly well, at least mentally speaking! I've been getting a lot of love from friends lately and it's been nice though work is still bad enough that I wanna get out somehow. Trying to work through my own inertia to look into a few things at once: other jobs, possibly new car, find out what freaking insurance I have so I can see a doctor, et cetera.

Also I've been practicing speedrunning Celeste quite a bit recently and have broken my 1-hour barrier, so soon I may start submitting runs, maybe.

I've been sick the last few days.

But it feels like it's finally starting to pass. Just in time for one of the busiest weeks of the semester! Yay!

Anyway, how's everyone else doing?

Busy and tired. Combining work and family life is not an easy challenge, and one of my kids is in a really rough patch regarding emotional development, so every day is a roller coaster. On the other hand, I finally passed the stupid research project course that's been holding me back from graduating, which feels really good. Of course, my program contains two research projects, so I still have to do another one. But one I do I'll get my diploma and become a licensed teacher. Of course, I'm already working as a teacher, but the license will give me a shot at actual job security.

I can definitely empathize with that, and I don't have nearly as much going on as you do!


I'm sorry to hear that! I hope things get better, for both your child and you, very soon!


Congratulations on being able to wrap up that particular chapter. I know that one's been a troublesome thorn for a while now. Hopefully the second one goes much smoother for you!

Of course I post that last week saying I'm feeling good and then have a depressive week. In part was because one new and nice friend I made ended up so full of self-doubt that they vanished off, and since I wasn't "friended" I couldn't even send them messages.

I am feeling a bit better after a weekend relaxing for once, but still.

I'm sorry to hear that everyone else seems to have been having a hard time of it, as well. Many much love to all my longtime friends here.

I am wishing Ruwin a very happy birthday, wherever he may be. Although he may not have stopped by in nearly a year, or posted in nearly five, I still consider him a friend. So happy birthday, buddy, wherever you are!

Happy birthday Ruwin. Unless you don't see this, then I never said anything.

Happy birthday!

So, it's happening again! I'm meeting with my girl this weekend. She dropped it on me about two weeks ago that she'd be down visiting her family again and would like to see me again, so I'm going for the whole weekend

On top of that, now my family knows! aaaah! I only told my mom that I was going "to meet a friend" because I had to, being out all weekend, and she sussed out it was a girl (probably because I would have specified otherwise) and of course she told the rest of my family already, so aaaaaah



At the same time, just this Monday a small issue blew up into a big argument and no less than four friends left or got kicked from the server, so I've been having to deal with big emotions from that

I wasn't even directly hit by it, but I think it's dredging up some past trauma I never connected dots to before:


Luckily I still have lines with everyone, but it's been a big emotional time for me and I've kind of retreated for a bit to recuperate

I've been hired to paint a genestealers cult. Not bad considering I've been painting less than a month.
I also have someone else lined up that wants me to do a Cadian army, but they can't pay me yet.

In other news, I want to talk about something bothering me, but it wouldn't actually do anything to talk about it and I wouldn't want to put anyone here into giving me the tired platitudes expected to be said. But it's bothering me too much to not say anything.

Well, congratulations, and I hope you have fun! Just enjoy yourself. These are the moments life is made of, I think.




I'm sorry to hear that, both the current issue and the past trauma. I've been sort of dealing with something very tangentially similar (to the online friends issue, not the past trauma one, just to be clear) for the past week or so, and it's been pretty draining for me. It sounds like yours is a bigger deal than mine, though, and I hope everything works out as well as it can.


I have no idea what a "genestealers cult" is or a "Cadian army," but congratulations, all the same! (My guess would be Warhammer, but I know very little about that IP). I painted a few D&D figures when I was first getting into it, and while I think they turned out well enough, I just don't have the artistic skill to do more than cover something in various colors of paint. Things like layering and shading and whatnot? I know they exist, but damned if I know how to do it.


I personally believe in the value of venting, so I don't agree with the premise that talking about it won't do anything. It won't, in all likelihood, fix the issue, but it might help you feel better about it. And you can always send me a PM about it if you want. It might end up being tired old platitudes from me, but at least they'll be genuine ones.

I had a very strange dream last night, and I'm sort of trying to unpack my feelings about it.

Yeah, wow. That's the kind of thing that makes you wonder if there are parallel universes, and if dreams might let us view them.

Hopefully not, for the sake of parallel-universe Raven.

Been there before. Kind of.
At least in the pseudo emotions department. While my particular flavor wasn't in the nature of grief, it was in the nature of anxiety at taking up a task well beyond my preparations.
Which is a weird dichotomy to process, as your logical mind presents you with the impossibility of the situation, but your active experience belies that. You know it isn't right, but, well, there you are, so it must be true.

As far as dream wives go, I've very rarely been dream married, but I'm still waiting for that one where I was actually at the wedding to turn up in real life.
Which is bizarre purely in the fact that said bride was not actually anybody I have ever met or know. I have no idea how my brain kludged together that persona.

Also, hi everyone. Sorry I've not been around. I know you've been worried by my continued absence, but my energy levels are still relatively low and what I have had has been poured into my painting (what with actually being commissioned to do so)
If anyone is interested in hearing me gripe/unpack how that's been going, I would LOVE to actually go on at length, but truthfully, I think I'd mostly just be saying words at you since even I find the experience to be kind of esoteric.

Meanwhile, magic has done about everything in its power to kill my interest in the game. Which is also weird, because I'm still doing a lot of deck building projects, just... not in the Magic universe.
And I absolutely DO NOT build purely mechanical decks, they've all got to be moored in themes. I could also talk about that experience if anybody wants to hear.

Other than that, I've piggy backed on someone's crunchyroll and I've been trying to get through some anime. I'm making pitiful progress on such, but I think that's probably because I know my favorite character is going to die this season. Or maybe it's just the fact that last season was virtually ENTIRELY filler outside the plot that let the story breathe and now we're moving into really really dense narrative territory.
But more than likely it's also because every other season was dubbed, but for some stupid reason I can't fathom they stopped dubbing it at season FOUR. (Why Would you DO THAT?)

Yeah, that is basically where I was at with mine. Incidentally, the few times in my life when I have had a lucid dream, it was my logical side telling me that something was impossible that shifted it from a standard dream to a lucid one. The first time it happened, I was a freshman in college, and I dreamt that I had gone home for Winter break. Then, in the dream, I tried to remember what I had done for my final project in some class, and realized I hadn't done it yet, which made me realize I couldn't be where I was.


Yeah, this woman who I had apparently been married to was not a real person, either, so far as I can tell. And if I have ever been married in a dream before, I don't specifically remember it. I feel like it might have happened, but I don't have a memory of it cataloged.


Hello. (Technically the smilie is raising its hand, but I'm imagining it as waving)


Go for it. I'm always interested in other people's experiences with stuff like this, even if it is outside of my particular wheelhouse.


Yeah, I have not been actively keeping up with anything, but I've passively heard a lot of it, and I sort of hate it all. And even worse, I didn't even care for Phyrexians beforehand! And now I'm just waiting for whatever Deus ex Machina solution they're going to come up with to lower the stakes. How much do you want to bet it will involve Sarkhan and time travel? I feel like that will be my absolute line in the sand when it comes to caring about canon at all.

For being poked, it made me realize I should report in, though I haven't been doing too hot the last few weeks

I mentioned last time I dropped in how there was an argument that led to a couple of friends splitting from the group, and well, I still haven't fully recovered from that and somehow it's gotten to me even more by my own damnable curiosity I conducted some searches and found some of the people who bounced involved in what I would consider bullying, and now just today another, whom had been nothing but kind to me, replying to a PM (well, DM by Discord's nomenclature) with basically a long goodbye handing me a backhanded compliment about being involved with the girl I've fallen for, so... yeah...

it's been kinda rough

My weekend date went well*... and it has me thinking of going out to visit her in her home town while an anime convention is going on, out in April, but it was an unfortunately-short-lived high as I had to endure several interrogations by my family, who thoroughly discouraged me with some of the things they said. I know they don't even realize it, but when my mom can say "you can tell me, I won't be judgemental" and then literally immediately criticize my meatspace friends for "not pulling their weight", it weighs on me and I regret telling them anything at all (this isn't even mentioning her telling her cousin and sister-from-another-mother who were pecking at me like vultures over the phone for none-of-their-****-business details like her last name)

work is also a #^<% and with everything I find myself stuck in kind of a self-defeating spiral where I stay up too late because of feeling bad, which then just leads me to being exhausted and feeling worse the next day

blugh


[Oddworld Abe voice]Hello![/Oddworld Abe voice]

I'm with Raven on this one, it's always great hearing friends talk on topics they're knowledgeable and/or passionate about, even if some things may go over my head


Now I'm curious what anime you're talking about?


oh, well, $#!^, and here I was thinking "good for them" for going back to something uniquely Magic and not [modern take on cultural mythology we've all seen #7,341]

like, I've long since divorced myself from Magic (for reasons that I'm unfortunately seeing again now that I'm getting into the Digimon card game) but it's sad to hear it's taking even more steps back, especially as I've been seeing some really nice fanart crop up for once

I'm really sorry to hear that. It is good to see you around, though!


Yeah, that is rough. For the record, Luna, I am super happy for you with what's going on with you and the girl you've fallen for, and that is not meant to be in any way backhanded. You deserve happiness and I am so thrilled for you that you are finding it!


I would like to believe that that sort of behavior comes from a good place, but then, I don't know really anything about your extended family. Again, sorry you have to go through that! But I am a very private person about personal things like that myself, and I do hate it when people repeatedly nag me about stuff that, as you point out, is none of their business.


That is also miserable. I've been working longer-than-usual hours lately myself because of a big project that I was put on. Its due date should have been this past Friday, but others on the project dragged their feet, which means I have at least another week of long days. Spring Break is coming up soon, though, so at least I'll have some time off. Hopefully you will be able to take some time to yourself soon!


Well, and to each their own, of course. Others might very well be excited for what is going on, and as I've always said, I'm happy for them if they are. It's just that I'm not.


You sly vixen.

Hi! My life is chugging on without too many complaints. My substitute teaching job I've been doing since the beginning of the year will be ending next week, but I've already got another job lined up. In fact, my current principal wanted to keep me here at a different position, but her boss overrode her to headhunt me for a different school. So that feels quite good, knowing that I have done well enough so far that multiple people want me working for them. Also, they were willing to let me cut down on my hours for the new job so I'll also have tone to do my final course to get my teaching license. So hopefully I can get a long term position after the summer.

Still tired all the time, of course. But the baby is doing great, and the behavior issues we've had with the older kids are getting better, although there are still struggles. So yeah, can't really complain.

The one thing I will say in favor of the current Magic story is that there is actually scope and impact. We'll see if the heroes figure out a way to reverse compleation (it seems highly unlikely it would involve Sarkhan at this point, but they have disappointed us before). I personally hope that at least some of the compleated Planeswalkers go away forever, but I doubt corporate would allow that. If they do die, that would be a major improvement over the mess that was War of the Spark.

I also enjoy seeing the impact Phyrexia can have on different planes. Hopefully the sneak peek into March of the Machine wasn't all there was in that department. As much as I want to stay detached and aloof, seeing Phyrexian Heliod and the of couple legendary cards just made my inner child giddy. I don't it will last.

I'm glad to hear things are going pretty well for you! Here's hoping that trend continues!