I admit that my initial reaction to the beginning of this story was to sort of prudishly crinkle up my nose a bit, but it was an initial gut reaction.
And that gut reaction is what I wish was less common in our culture. Again, I'm not judging anyone's feelings, just quickly addressing the widespread prudishness that prevents, for example, the existence of a solid standard sexual education in many countries, mine included. Beyond personal taste, it's something that many people, me included, have internalized to a point, which sucks. Ok, quixotic rant over.
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So Jakkard specifically already has that sort of highly sexualized atmosphere, which fits into Old West tropes, where every town in every movie seemed to have a saloon and a brothel, often as the same establishment.
Jakkard's foundational pieces set the atmosphere as pretty pulpy, which makes both sex and violence close to hand when writing there, and that is one of the reasons why I think Sharaka could fit well there, narratively speaking.
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In this story, I think they're just fine, though perhaps a little jarring coming without context at the very beginning of the story.
It seems some sort of habit of mine, since for somewhat different reasons I did something similar - albeit even more explicit - in Broken Stars, and met a... skeptical reaction, if I remember well
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If my increasingly shaky memory serves me, he went on to say that you shouldn't show ANYTHING unless it's relevant to the story, which is something I mostly agree with.
May I inquire about your opinion about "slice of life" media?
I understand the underlying feeling of the statement, but... I dunno, I've rewritten this paragraph multiple times. Like, people read novel-length coffee AUs for a reason. And while tight and powerful pieces are awesome, that's not all there is to writing, or even stories. For example, once I get very attached to a character I have zero (0) problems in reading tens of thousands of words of them messing around with friends, from heartfelt discussion to just wacky shenanigans.
This one of the reasons I want to be able to write something in the general vicinity of slice of life. I want to be able to imagine a character carrying on their life when there's no traumatizing stuff going on. Because while people show many depths in high-stress situations, do you really know someone if you, I dunno, never seen them enjoy their hobby? Talked with them about the ridiculous pet peeves that make them absolutely livid?
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The very next line starts off by jumping ahead several hours with no commentary on what happened in between. It isn't important to the story, or to the character development, so I didn't include it. What happens between them is implied, but not overt, and personally, I think that's the way to go in most cases.
And while I understand and respect your decision there, sexuality is a big part of everyone's life, including those who feel no sexual urge whatsoever, and informs a multitude of aspects of someone's personality. As such, exploring it can give insight about their relationship with their own body and their partner's, how the many kinds of intimacy connect for them... it's a world in itself, and one that often lives very deep within each of us, and as such I think "in most cases" there
would be something to gain from showing, if not the details, the feeling of those moments. Writers can refuse to go there for whatever reason, and certainly by giving space to those moments there might be something to lose, in global synthesis or in interest from a part of the audience that might be put off by it, but it's always a trade-off, and as such the specific terms of the "deal" is what matters.
All this rambling to say that it's a matter of taste, both of the writer and of the reader, and that I found experiencing media falling in very different points of that spectrum positively invigorating, and I daresay life-changing in a few instances.
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I like middle ground. The more you move away from the middle ground, the more potential readers you will alienate, in general. But that doesn't mean you won't find new readers on the extremes. To each their own, generally, but we do have the general integrity of the project to keep in mind, as well.
The thing about middle ground, as with equilibrium, is that everyone has their own. I agree that pulp and grit are better when they have a reason to exist in a story, but I'd argue that their absence also benefits from a strong reason. Take for example the classic blow to the head=clean KO trope (which I apparently use here too, but not really): it posits an easy and consequence-free way to handle violent conflict, which brings a level of idealization of both violence and conflict that sets a certain atmosphere and light on the story, and as such IMO it shouldn't be chosen just because it's common trope and/or is useful to the plot.
What do you mean by "general integrity"?
I think Raven just articulated my thoughts on sex and sexual themes much better than I ever could.
And yet, without your post I'd never had thought that someone could associate the starting line of the piece with porn. The forum's automatic censorship of words like **** would prevent such a link from ever existing in my head, while I take a guilty pleasure in exploring what words are deemed not censure-worthy and milking them for everything they're worth.
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It probably doesn't help that I've also read a "healthy" amount of actual porn in multiple languages.
A fellow man of culture, I see
To return to a more concrete topic, do you think the piece warrants some kind of content warning? As Raven pointed out, many Jakkard pieces are pulpy, but I wouldn't be against it.