How does a variant of this not exist?

Spellgorger Barbarian exists.

Minus Magic -
Sorcery
Target player discards two Magic cards.


This is both better and worse than Mind Rot. Better because it constrains the opponent’s choice, but worse because they might not have two Magic cards in hand. Note that this doesn’t need a reveal clause because you can tell the kind of cards by their backs

Audacious Thief
Creature - Human Rogue
Whenever this creature attacks and isn't blocked, draw a card.
0/1

I wonder if this would see play in an occasional Modern deck.

That has to be rare by the rules of planeswalker removal. And I don’t think it needs cycling, it’s not weaker than Demystify

Cage’s entire career seems to have been building towards this very moment: THR says he’s in talks to play himself in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, a film that Lionsgate beat out HBO Max and Paramount to make. The plot sounds…wild, y’all. In the film, Nicolas Cage is desperate to land a role in a new Quentin Tarantino movie. He’s also “dealing with a strained relationship with his teenage daughter. He also occasionally talks to an egotistical 1990s version of himself who rides him for making too many crappy movies and for not being a star anymore.”

Much like the real Cage, this movie Cage is “under a mountain of debt.” These debts force Cage to “make an appearance at the birthday party of a Mexican billionaire who happens to be a fan of Cage’s work and secretly hopes to show him a script on which he’s been working.”

This is already pretty strange, but here’s where things get really far-out:



If all of that wasn’t enough to hook you, you should also know that the film references real Cage movies like Leaving Las Vegas, Face/Off, and Gone in 60 Seconds, and that the script that Cage and the alleged drug kingpin are writing “begins to mirror events on the storyline.”