Tall, Dork, and Morbidly Obese

Versus 1 - Victory! Once I got myself set up, the opponent just couldn’t manage anything to shake me past 9 life. I tell you, three Stockpiles and a Bontu the Horrified make a decent combination. Finishing rank: 35

Versus 2 - Technical victory! I’m going to give you a pass on this round, as I was distracted making supper, and being harassed by small children (presumably mine) for snacks, despite the fact I was clearly making supper at that very moment!! In my frustration, I missed an opportunity to save myself, and possibly extend to a victory. This might have worked, otherwise. Finishing rank: 34

Versus 3 - Loser! Against a well-packed red aggro deck, this deck doesn’t typically stand a chance. So many damn Hanweir red guys all over the flipping place... Finishing rank: 33

Versus 4 - Victory! Sram’s Expertise into Fleshbag Marauder, followed by a Fetal Push is a nice little combination. And I pushed this guy’s fetus good. His name is Grateful Ganga Guru. Get off the pot, Guru! Finishing rank: 34

-I’m going to give this fifth round another go, as I had mana flooding coupled with one dumb mistake on my part that basically paved the way for my opponent to grind my face into the dirt. Stupid Skysovereign!-

Versus 5 - Victory! That’s more like it. Got out Nissa with the plants early and ended up using her as my wincon! Plants, a couple chumps, and a bunch of +1/+1 counters. Finishing rank: 34

So, 4-1 is the record high to beat at this point. Was this DCG? I think it was. I hope your cold sore gets better.

Looks like everyone's got a chance at the time except me... Lol.

Oh well... Good luck to the other competitors! Unfortunately, between work and familiar, I haven't had time to even Touch my computer for over a week... Maybe I'll find some time on the weekend...

you gotta take care of your hemorrhoids Congrats man, that is a nice ride!




I think I will pass testing this time... I´m just not feeling quite so masochistic this week...

And so, I finally got to play a few games.

I decided to try out the infinite combo version of my deck:

Game 1 vs R40 Dimir control. WIN!
No sweeper meant that Scion, Druid and Eyeless Watcher beatdown was too much for him, even though he was countering and drawing like crazy.

Game 2 vs R Snake.dec loss.
Mull to 6, kept a 2 lander with no Green. Died holding 2 druids and never Saw that 3rd Land.

Game 3 vs golgari mid-range. WIN!
I went infinte! I was getting beaten pretty hard by 2 croc and that 5/4 menace zombie, but I got out 2 drowners and was stalling him with 5 life left, when displacer showed up. I was holding Procession, but he rage quit before I even got to play it. Next turn I drop both Decimator and Ulamog, a ton of Scions and tap out all his dudes to do lethal (he was still at 20 life).
Yay! First time I pulled an infinte combo in Duels and since it was against the AI, didn't have to worry about timer issues... Shame I didn't have a briar out Priest out to go full on infinte spam.
I feel satisfied, even though I'm not gonna win this round. Shame I didn't submit this version.
I'm gonna play something that -1/-1 counter deck Barney wants so bad..
It went 2-2, but its kind of fun.
Lost to bad luck really... 1 game I got stuck at 4 Land holding Green Gearhulk when he had 3 life and only a tower in play... Other loss was due to moderate flood and a well timed just the Wind that kept me from flipping lilly.
Got a monumental win against mono-red vamps, thanks to Scarabs Nest that gave me 10+ tokens. What a laugh that game was. I actually cast big lilly to ressurect an Exemplar of strength.

OKsy let’s grt back to the action

We’re in round four of playtesting. Flaky already made it through and Cucho and nomad still need to win their matches to advance

Let’s start with Cuchos Sac Yo Tokins...wins against rank 1 mono black discard deck. Easy Japan easy. 4-0

Just Nomad left now...great win against Izzet Mill. He got me to 9 cards left. Tragic Arrigance was huge. 4-0


Ok round five!!

Flaky first...ugh in a brutal game against rank 39 Izzet Control. This is taking forever. He has two massive planeswalkers and an emblem. This can’t end soon enough. ... ok finally lost. Thank goodness. 4-1. Will be deleted if either of the other two decks win.

Cucho next...ugh rank 36 Golgari ramp totally deciminating me, I just can’t do anything. 4-1

Well if Nomad can win, he’s the lone champion . Otherwise we go to tiebreakers. Oh boy a rank 5!!! Who concedes before even the first turn! It’ll ts, 5-0! And Nomad is our champion!!

...oh wait, there’s another judge. I forgot . Ok I’m deleting Cucho and Flakys decks and will foil Nomads deck. I will also award points as follows


Nomad - 4 points
Cucho / Flaky - 2.5 points each
DCG / Haven - 0.5 points each

There you have it. Soup will award points at his leisure and we’ll see what’s what

Congrats to Nomad for going 5-0!

Cheap win but I'll take it! Gardening now with a 17-5 record in this thread, and 80% of those losses come from Soup, who's clearly been paid off by someone. Probably the Russians. I hope the Mediterranean villa they got you was worth the total erosion of your moral compass, Soup!

God dammit! did I miss a meeting!?
Where is my Villa?
I have no morals and no Villa... I feel scammed!

Yeah soup you better invite us all to your villa

Woohoo! Party at Soup’s villa! Barney can bring the booze, Cucho’s in charge of the backup booze, Nomad can bring the food, Haven can bring some attractive Portuguese people to keep this from looking like the gamercon that it actually is, and I’ll bring my entire James Bond movie soundtrack collection! It’ll be awesome.

Attractive Portuguese?? They better be young cuz those women age TERRIBLE.

Ok I’ll bring the booze . I’ve got an Ontario wine in mind that was once lauded as, « drinkable « .

Hey what?!?
Plenty of atractive portuguese woman. Try Sara Sampaio, she models for victoria's secret goddamit, I Doubt she'll age badly.

I'll ask her to bring a few friends along and we'll all have a blast and drink cocktails in the sun.

Alright, you twisted my arm. I guess I’d be into that

Who would want to drink canadian wine if you can go Chilean?

I’m a tasteless philistine - Cali reds 4 me. I was thinking BB could bring some Canadian whiskey so I could see how it compares to good ol’ Kentucky bourbon.

I like beer... So don't sweat it.

But I'll take a scotch on the rocks later on...

Where's our illustrious host anyway? He's got some judging to do...

If you’re ever in the DC area check out Heavy Seas’ Double Cannon double IPA. Its local (Baltimore) so its easy to get fresh and man is it good.

Ill bring some Canadian Rye whisky but we gotta mix it with ginger ale for it to be drinkable

Ticklin’ Your Sac

Versus 1 - Victory! I took a chance on a slow start against a red aggro deck. Once I was at 9 life, I never went lower. In the end, it was a complete blowout and I ended with over 70 life, thanks to the Anointer Sisters. Finishing rank: 35

Versus 2 - Loser! I haven’t seen this kind of ramp/valor deck before. He used a combo of From Beyond, Retreat to Emeria, Valor in Akrosas a means of generating two creatures per turn, with +2/+2 until eot, every turn he played a land. Inventive and I hate it. Finishing rank: 34

Versus 3 - Victory! Apparently, my opponent could see the Ormendahl coming and he packed up early. Also, I learned that the AI replacement can’t figure out how to use Westvale Abbey to summon a cleric to chump when it’s at 5 life, staring down the barrel of a 16/14 Ormendahl and two 8/8 servos. Yay for two Hidden Stockpiles, two Calls for Unity, and two Annoyer Priests. Finishing rank: 35

Versus 4 - Victory! Hey, cheater-quitters! Just dropping out, instead of conceding is a bit cowardly, and it takes me so much longer to finish off the AI. Finishing rank: 36

Versus 5 - Victory! Another victory for my victory pie! Which is totally a real life saying! Old Man Randall to the rescue once again. My Bloodbriar came out to play for a bit before Westvale Abbey ate her. Finishing rank: 37

Another deck getting 4-1. Not bad. We may have to have to go into overtime if the next deck doesn’t get 5-0.

Also, my son took Suck Your Tacos out for a spin in 2HG and it really shines there.

So, I have one last deck to try out, which I will begin doing presently from the luxurious sun room of my Mediterranean villa. I tell you, guys, villa life is the life for me. Later this evening, I’m also going to take a leisurely cruise in my new yacht. Who knew there was so much money to be made in completely fair Magic Duels judging?

Will Bleed 4 Poppies

Versus 1 - Victory! T5, my opponent saw the writing on the floor and wisely quit. Almost perfect rollout. T1 Blisterpod, T2, Wingding Constructor, T3 Bloodflow Connoisseur, T4 Bloodbriar... eventuelly, ran over the opponent with two beefy Blisterpods, and the Connoisseur after eating the third Bloodbriar. Finishing rank: 38

Versus 2 - Loser! Long match against a WUG ramp/sac deck. I couldn’t effectively manage crowd control and he got enough chumps to throw into Westvale Abbey and that made me lose, though it was a good race, all considering. Finishing rank: 37

Versus 3 - Victory! My opponent was setting up vehicles, but had only one pilot. He thought he had a trick to save himself in the end, but I used Lead to force his dudes to block my Primary Druid, he pumped lifelink into his Touched Aethersphere Harvester, but I sacrificed the druid to EvoLeap, thus denying him his lifegain, while Yahenni finished him off. No Bloodbriars came out to play. Finishing rank: 38

Versus 4 - Victory! Well, that was quick. My opponent got disco in the first turn, so it wasn’t hard to win over the AI. Wingding Constructor, a couple Blisterpods, a Walking Ballista, and that lame Nissa who gives out +1/+1 counters like a woodland Santa Claud turned into a formidable force pretty quickly. Finishing rank: 39

****! ****! ****! My stop timer stopped working. I was being attacked by a few things, one of which was a Herald of Anguish. I had a 5/5 Walking Ballista, so I stopped and threw some counters at it. I dropped him by 4, then the goddamn stop timer failed to respond, so I didn’t kill it, lost the counters, still suffered the damage and was left with a 1/1 Ballista! Fudge that bullpuck! It was a rematch against that_GENE_guy from the last versus. This one does not count! Finishing rank: 38 and proof that the ladder is rigged!

Versus 5 - Loser! I was put down hard by a boros Exerty McAggropants deck. Demolished. Didn’t even stand a chance. Finishing rank: 37

At 3-2, this deck falls into third place and now I have to do a sudden death round between Sucky McTokens and Talldarky McMorbidpants.

It’s on!

Sudden Death Elimination Round!

(Fool disclosure: I did try Tall Dark and Something Something before this, but made a coup,e catastrophically stupid mistakes, so I went at it again, and even got a rematch against the same guy.)

Round 1! Fight!

Tall Drink of Marmite - Loser! (Mono red aggro)
Tuck Yer Sack In - Loser! (Selesnaya Angels ‘n’ Enchantments)

Round 2! Fight!

TD&M - Victory! (Izzet artifacts)
S Yer Ts - Loser! (Rakdos general cruelty)

Well, there you have it the standings, according to soup, are as follows:

Tall, Duck, and Moribund - 4 points
Sock of Tickling - 3 points
Blood Floor Puppies - 2 points
Brian Draziramp - 1 points
Arromatic Gardenia - 0 points

When we add that other dork’s scores, I think we get the following:

CardboardNomad - 4
Haven_PT - 1.5
DCG-MTG - 4.5
Macabre Cult Ho - 5.5
TheFlakyMage - 4.5

Can that be correct? Cucho won? That seems like a mistake to me. Man, there are just no standards for quality around here. Well, enjoy your complimentary victory gin and tonic. Tradition is that the winner throws his drink in the loser’s face, and I think we can all agree that’s what Haven deserves.