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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2017 10:05 pm 
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Huey, you write viashino so well. It's really something.

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:50 am 
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Huey, you write viashino so well. It's really something.

Thank you for the kind words! I don't know about any viashino, but I'm glad the work I dedicated to that part of Thamirelk's worldbuilding shows :)

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2019 7:41 pm 
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misplaced, pt.1

prompt

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2019 9:07 pm 
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Poor Goldie. He just wanted his seat. I know when somebody takes my seat, it's a sad day. And then, in a gracious display and in an attempt to smooth over the hostilities, he was going to show that mean ol' Vash his prized possession, only to have it stolen from him. And he was about to use that to save the local orphanage from a vicious gang of bandits. What an unfortunate day. :paranoid:

Anyway, joking aside, this was a fun little scene, and I appreciated the drop-in reference to my old friend Merritt. I wonder if Jakkard AU Sharaka will run into Jakkard AU Daneera Appleseed. That would be fun. I see you have this listed as PT. 1, so it will be interesting to see where this story goes from here.

Thanks for posting, Huey.


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 7:06 am 
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I'll give Daneera Appleseed a thought or two, but I don't guarantee anything :D

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Thu Sep 05, 2019 4:22 pm 
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I'll give Daneera Appleseed a thought or two, but I don't guarantee anything :D

Yeah, it probably shouldn't happen, but the image of Daneera Appleseed just sort of cracks me up for some reason.


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2019 2:42 pm 
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Misplaced pt.2


Spoiler

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:49 pm 
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This was a fun little story. It reminds me a lot of Orcish's "3:15 to Dayko" with a train heist accidently saving a prisoner, but of course Sharaka's revenge is far more...visceral. I didn't think the second scene was particularly necessary, but the rest of it was enjoyable. I did find the repeated talk of snipers to be a little off-putting, not because Jackie wouldn't have them, but just because there seemed to be a larger than average focus put on them to me. But the conversation between Jackie, Dazie, and Sharaka was a lot of fun. I particularly liked how disappointed Sharaka seemed to be that Dazie didn't like her nickname. Shaka does like her nickname, doesn't she?

Thanks for posting, Huey.


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:48 pm 
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This was a fun little story. It reminds me a lot of Orcish's "3:15 to Dayko" with a train heist accidently saving a prisoner

The parallels are somewhat deliberate. I had pictured the encounter during an assault on one of Brax's fortresses at first, but there were too many moving pieces to coordinate. Trains are... well, linear. That said, I still have to decide if Jackie recruits Sharaka in addition to the twins, or instead of them. In the latter case, we can imagine Dazie's release had been slightly different (maybe there was some other way to pin the jailers) and I'd have to rewrite the Little Forks plan.

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of course Sharaka's revenge is far more...visceral.

Certainly more widespread :D Though I'd like to point out that while Hush-Hush was already safe when she got freed, Sharaka had to free herself just to be surrounded by enemies, albeit unarmed and confused ones, and had no idea that she had potential allies coming toward her. She certainly enjoyed slaughtering her captors, and her power set tends to produce gory aftermaths, but taking them down was in essence a survival move. (she also didn't chase foes running to the back to the train, but the ones going for the locomotive, her potential means for escape)

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I didn't think the second scene was particularly necessary, but the rest of it was enjoyable.

I was aware of that, but I wanted to add some info about Nails that may or may not be relevant in later parts. Now that section is slightly shorter but has an additional detail, and most of the contained info is picked up again in the next part.

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I did find the repeated talk of snipers to be a little off-putting, not because Jackie wouldn't have them, but just because there seemed to be a larger than average focus put on them to me.

I guess they don't have the importance one could imagine reading about them first thing in the story, but I don't think they take up too much space: once the action starts, they only get mentioned once, and I felt like I needed to take into account the fact some of the mooks would try to leg it. The need for cover fire is also very real, since they're not assaulting a passenger train with a score of armed defenders tops, but a train full of experienced and ruthless killers, which as far as they know could have retained control of their weapons. Aside from that, we very rarely (if at all) see Jackie come up with or describe a complete plan to her men and I don't have much knowledge about assaulting heavily defended trains, so I was a bit at a loss as to how to show Jackie's mastermind side. I admit I don't know where I was going with this.

I'm curious: what do you mean by "average"? If you mean by the average Jackie story, I'd be inclined to agree, since Sage is the only one worthy of memory.

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I particularly liked how disappointed Sharaka seemed to be that Dazie didn't like her nickname. Shaka does like her nickname, doesn't she?

Indeed she likes her nicknames. They can be either a way to tease/annoy or a way to celebrate a relationship...or both! :D

Thanks for reading and commenting!

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Wed Dec 25, 2019 8:18 pm 
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More than anything else, this is a Christmas Present to our absentee Orc (may we always be found.)

Enjoy!

A Special Occasion


Suppose...


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 9:27 am 
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Couldn't stop thinking that having 5 daughters must be hell sometimes :D It's strange how well the two family connect, since we have little screentime with Moira's husband and Robert's wife. Having bigger sisters able to stand their ground (and not being orphaned early) believably kept Astria a bit more... manageable :D

Thank you for sharing!

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Dec 29, 2019 1:00 pm 
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Couldn't stop thinking that having 5 daughters must be hell sometimes :D It's strange how well the two family connect, since we have little screentime with Moira's husband and Robert's wife. Having bigger sisters able to stand their ground (and not being orphaned early) believably kept Astria a bit more... manageable :D

Thank you for sharing!

My grandmother had eight sisters and no brothers :takei: I can only imagine what my great-grandfather's life was like.

Anyway, the missing father in the Trevanei family is the big thing that led me to this story, as well as the realization that Moira would have been a far better match for Robert than the Comtess. I mean, maybe I'm being unfair to the Comtess here (I usually am, I suspect) but I can only imagine how happy the two could have been together, especially if they didn't have something like the threat of The Duchess hanging over them.

I like how Astria changes (and how she doesn't) with the presence of an older sister, especially one like Margot, who has always been very family-focused. You can certainly see flashes of Astria's worse characteristics here, but being tempered by the even more commanding (yet far more loveable) Margot refocuses her energies into more constructive venues here, like actually mentoring Beryl and encouraging Elise.

And honestly, just thinking about Beryl and Elise as sisters is somehow really cute to me.

Thanks for reading!


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2023 4:15 pm 
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I forgot to note, when I posted "A Special Occasion," that it was one of my planned projects for the "What Would Raven Write" thread. I said in that thread that I would explain my insane logic for the Project names, and so I'm going back to do that now.

This story was listed in that thread as Project Lottery. The reason for that is that this story features both Moira and Margot. Orcish has referred to both as "Marble women." Marble is a stone. People have been stoned to death. This happens in Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery." Ergo, Project Lottery.

I'm not a well man... :D


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2023 11:16 am 
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It sort of makes me wonder what an alternate reality version of the M:EM would be where it was Sharaka that Kimberley sought out to learn from rather than Jinsen.

Not from this thread, but I figured this would be the best place for an alternative version of The Eightfold Lotus. Feel free to compare and contrast - the mood will be fairly different.

trailblazer, part 1

trivia

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Last edited by Huey Nomure on Sat Jun 24, 2023 7:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2023 4:15 pm 
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Definitely an interesting AU for Kimberley here, and I like Sharaka replacing the Lotus as this almost folk legend that seems to only be glimpsed from afar rather than seen clearly. The stuff about slavery and post-slavery racism infuriates me, but not in terms of the writing or anything, more just the reflections of real life. I don't have a whole lot more to say about this at this point. I see it is labelled at Part 1, so assuming you continue this, I look forward to seeing how Kimberley's search progresses and especially what the interaction will be when the story gets there.

Thanks for posting!


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2023 6:44 pm 
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reply

trailblazer, part 2

trivia

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2023 7:46 am 
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trailblazer, part 3

part 4

trivia

I think this is a good place to take a breather, yeah?

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2023 8:10 pm 
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And the search goes on. :) I like the sense, like in the original, of it feeling like Kimberley is getting closer and closer. It's got a nice detective feel to it that is pretty fun. Speaking of detectives, it's always good to see Donagut again, and watch Kimberley try to parse his various half-answers. I will say at this point that I'm not a big fan of the present tense of the whole thing, but I assume that is a nod to Ruwin's story, which I have not reread in quite some time, so I don't remember for sure. That's mostly just personal taste.

I particularly liked the Merfolk near the end of Part four. She was fun.

Anyway, as always, thanks for posting. It feels like this is approaching the eventual meeting between the two, which should be fun to witness, I think.


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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2023 5:28 am 
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I like the sense, like in the original, of it feeling like Kimberley is getting closer and closer. It's got a nice detective feel to it that is pretty fun.

Thank you! I tried to balance the adherence to the original story's feeling and structure with all the differences that organically arise from changing the central figure of the story with such a different person. :w::u: Jinsen leaves behind a series of serendipitous hints (all about planes Kimberley already knows, by the way) that makes you wonder how far back he learned about his tail, and the tales of his exploits encourage contemplation and thoughtfulness even from those who were on the wrong side of his blade; staying on the tail of :r: Sharaka requires quick reflexes and unwavering stubbornness, and the much more divisive stories about her adventures force strong gut reactions from Kimberley.

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Speaking of detectives, it's always good to see Donagut again, and watch Kimberley try to parse his various half-answers.

You had the advantage of knowing the other half of those answers from the beginning, though :D

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I will say at this point that I'm not a big fan of the present tense of the whole thing, but I assume that is a nod to Ruwin's story, which I have not reread in quite some time, so I don't remember for sure. That's mostly just personal taste.

The 1st person present tense comes from the original story, yes. I personally don't mind it - I find the present tense more direct, especially with intense internal monologue, so I was happy to keep close the original there.

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I particularly liked the Merfolk near the end of Part four. She was fun.

I'm glad to hear it! I had fun coming up with quirky one-shot NPCs, but I was a bit self-conscious writing for her and "Rak" since I had to twist English around to give them an alien-ish feel, of course to very different extents. Not-Gilly has a winding style of speech that makes me think about the fae, of people that deeply enjoy words and playing with them.

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It feels like this is approaching the eventual meeting between the two, which should be fun to witness, I think.

I certainly hope so :D Part 5 is almost complete, which is where I'll straight up lift up paragraphs from the original :D

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 Post subject: Re: 'Suppose' Prose
PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2023 4:31 pm 
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Part 5 is almost complete

I wasn't lying, I swear :V I just had an intense month and decided to take a breather.

trailblazer, part 5

Spoiler

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