Okay, since the main premise of the thread is/was being argued, I guess it's time to post
(spam) cards that
"kind of" fill the criteria, but not really IMO.
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Spin a Tale Sorcery (C)
At the beginning of the next end step, draw three cards, then discard a card.
Vairë the Weaver is his spouse, who weaves all things that have ever been in Time into her storied webs, and the halls of Mandos that ever widen as the ages pass are clothed with them. The discard part invalidates this, but still, a variation of it that was just straight-up draw I would have expected to come up at one point or another.
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Dismal Devices Instant (C)
Draw two cards. Each player loses 2 life.
From Melkor the Elves learnt many things it were not good for any but the great Valar to know, for being half-comprehended such deep and hidden things slay happiness. There's some color pie argument to be had with this card since it's an instant and not strictly
"draw, then you lose".
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Feed the Emptiness Sorcery (C)
Each player loses 5 life. This can’t reduce your life total to less than 1.
"What wouldst thou have more? Dost thou desire all the world for thy belly?"
—Morgoth Bauglir Quote:
Taint Enchantment – Aura (C)
Enchant permanent
Whenever enchanted permanent becomes tapped, its controller loses 2 life.
The evil of Melkor and the blight of his hatred flowed out thence, and the Spring of Arda was marred. Green things fell sick and rotted, and rivers were choked with slime. Note: Original design by
SecretInfiltrator.
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Aulë's Craft Enchantment (C)
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.
For in the making of all things in that land he had the chief part, and he wrought there many beautiful and shapely works both openly and in secret. Quote:
Celestial Horizon Sorcery (C)
Reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a basic land card. Put it onto the battlefield tapped, then put all other cards revealed this way on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Though nowhere and in no work was their will and purpose wholly fulfilled, slowly nonetheless the Earth was fashioned and made firm. Quote:
Giver of Fruits Creature – Elf (C)
When ~ enters the battlefield, you may play an additional land this turn.
She is the lover of all things that grow in the earth, and all their countless forms she holds in her mind.2/2
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Descend Upon Enchantment (C)
At the beginning of combat on your turn, target creature you control gains menace and haste until end of turn.
At times the Valar may clothe themselves in their own thought, made visible in forms of majesty and dread. Given that menace is so new, this not existing doesn't really surprise me.
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Hallowed Dormancy Instant (C)
Tap all creatures that entered the battlefield this turn. They don’t untap during their controllers’ next untap steps.
"They shall sleep now in the darkness under stone, and shall not come forth until the Firstborn have awakened upon Earth; and until that time thou and they shall wait, though long it seem."
—Eru Ilúvatar Quote:
Ñoldorian Jewel-Wright Creature – Elf (U)When ~ enters the battlefield, create a colorless artifact token with "Sacrifice this artifact: Produce one mana of any color".
It came to pass that the masons of the house of Finwë, quarrying in the hills after stone first discovered the earth-gems, and brought them forth in countless myriads.2/1
Still playing around with "wonky" mana producing wordings.
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Heed the Call Sorcery (R)Search your library for a creature card, reveal it, and put it into your hand.
Those that had courage, and stayed, perceived swiftly that the Great Rider was no shape out of darkness; for the light of Aman was in his face, and all the noblest of the Elves were drawn towards it. Pretty much as posted on the first page. I needed a rare so that's basically why it's not an uncommon. It doesn't have the shuffle spelled out since I plan to have that be an automatic action whenever a library is searched, and this is rare so it wouldn't need that reminder text.