Welcome to Duels of the Crapwalkers!

In Duels of the Crapwalkers (DotC) you play a Crapwalker, which is sort of like a Planeswalker, only if you were to cross a Planeswalker with this guy:

The idea is that you're a vagrant who through some miracle has acquired a tiny hint of a planeswalker spark, only you have no real talent, so you travel the cosmos begging your opponents for whatever **** they are willing to give you in order to amass a deck and challenge other crapwalkers for ultimate supremacy.

Here's how the game works:

1. You challenge another Crapwalker to a Duel
2. Each Crapwalker creates the other Crapwalker's "Deck" for them (see Deckbuilding Rules below)
3. You Duel (in this thread, or another* if this is already in use)
4. Winner gets a point - player with the most points becomes the "Crap-Champion" (CC)**
5. Reigning CC may be challenged by other players for 10 points if they win (Champion still only gets one point if he/she wins)
6. Reigning CC may always add any one card to their deck (creating a deck of 61 cards) after viewing their deck built by their opponent

*If you host the game in another thread, it must include [DotC] in its subject line to be counted. Also, it couldn't hurt to send me a message telling me to see who won if you want your score updated.
**In the event of a tie, the player who previously held the title of Crap-Champion retains that title until the tie is broken.

Deckbuilding Rules
The point of the game is to provide your opponent with the most unplayable piece of garbage deck that you can come up with to try and ensure they lose (despite them doing the same to you). That being said, there are a few rules the deck you build has to follow in order to make this game functional.
Those rules are:

1. Your deck may include any card ever printed in a paper magic set except for Unhinged, Unglued, Ante cards, or anything that requires physical dexterity - there is no ban list, so get creative
2. There must be exactly 60 cards, no more, no less (exception: see Crap-Champion)
3. It must contain between 20 and 30 lands, at least 14 of which must be basic lands and at least 4 of which must be fetchlands (Terramorphic Expanse, Evolving Wilds, etc)
4. You may only use lands that produce mana of a colour found in your deck (ie. no Islands if there are no Blue spells)
5. You may not use cards which can't be played with the lands provided (ie. no Blue spells if there are no Islands)
6. Cannot include a card which has an additional cost that can't be paid
7. The majority of spells of a certain color must match the majority color of mana your lands provided can produce (ie. if you have more Blue spells than any other color, you must have more lands which produce blue mana than any other color)
8. At least 6 cards must be playable with colorless mana only
9. No more than four copies of the same card (unless it's a basic land or something like Relentless Rats)
10. Must include at least two cards for each converted mana cost from CMC 1 through 6
11. At least 20 cards must be able to deal damage to your opponent, no less than 10 of which must be creatures
12. Must include at least 6 forms of Removal

I might adjust these rules if unfair situations come up which I had not accounted for, but for now that's it. Have fun Crapwalking.

Alright, Zinger, Let's go! I will assume despite "no ban list" that Ante and physical dexterity cards are illegal for reasons of impossibility.

Alright! That's what I'm talking about! Tevish, my man!

Okay. I'm assembling your deck. I'll have a list for you shortly.

Does Lightning Bolt count as both #11 and #12 or just #11?

Edit: Screw it. If I want to create a craptacular deck, I'm not using Lightning Bolt. I'm using Orcs.

That means six CARDS, right? Not six DIFFERENT cards?

OK, I'm ready to give this a go. I call this deck Orcish Squires.

2x Willow Elf
2x Razorgrass Screen
2x Sell-Sword Brute
2x Squire
4x Orcish Artillery
2x Ashes to Ashes
4x Blistering Dieflyn
2x Goldnight Castigator
4x Armored Cancrix
2x Guardian Lions
4x Arachnoid
4x Deathcurse Ogre
2x Aladdin's Ring
1x Brushland
1x Karplusan Forest
1x Yavimaya Coast
1x Llanowar Wastes
1x Adarkar Wastes
1x Underground River
1x Arid Mesa
1x Bloodstained Mire
1x Scalding Tarn
1x Wooded Foothills
7x Mountain
4x Swamp
2x Plains
1x Island

Deck's strategy:

• It’s a five-color deck, so major possibility of getting mana screwed (even with six duals)
• There are four lands that generate , but all of them are of the painland variety.
• The fetchlands mostly fetch the land you’re most likely to draw anyway.
• This deck is chock-full of low comm rated cards
• Most of the creatures in this deck are either creatures with ridiculously low power relative to their CMCs…
• …or make you lose life.
• Of the 36 spells in the deck, only 8 are CMC 2 or less, while 10 are CMC 6 or more (and 16 are CMC 5 or more).
• Goldnight Castigator is this deck’s mythic to combo with all that life loss while not really offering much of an upside.

Let me know if need to change anything to be compliant. (FWIW, I'm counting DD effects like the Ring and the Orcs as Removal).

And you want me to challenge somebody? I challenge Popular Pariah. He builds decks from time to time. I'd like to see what he'd do with this challenge.

I've got my deck for you ready, Zinger.

Sure, I'll bite. Give me the weekend.

I have a deck prepared, but I accidentally let it theoretically goldfish in as few as five turns. Perhaps it needs tuning.

Okay so give me tomorrow. I'll have one tomorrow.

"I'll have a deck for you shortly..." -Zinger
^ What a liar, that guy is.


So I completely forgot about this game. And it's my own game, too. How embarrassing.

I blame FanExpo.

But I have your deck, sir!

Yes.

Yeah, sorry, I'm working on it. I'll have it done at some point.

Very nice. Or rather, very not nice. I like it. ^^

Two things, Tevish:
1) As you correctly surmised I might, I'm going to rule two of your woody's have an additional cost that can't be paid. Either add 2 forests, or swap out two woodys; and
2) Unless I'm mistaken, I'm under the impression that a Bounce effect is NOT a Removal effect. Their lack of being a permanent answer (or at least semi-permanent) precludes your six bounce cards from meeting the removal requirement. I'm following the definition as outlined by the mtgs wiki: "Removal is a spell or ability that is used to remove permanents from play permanently, either by putting the permanent in the graveyard or by exiling it, or any other place that the creature cannot return from."

Fix those and we're golden.

It would count for both.

In the meantime, will the lands for me be re-balanced in accordance with Rule 7? Or does "9 black sources match majority black" satisfy that?

-2 Wood Elemental
-1 Island
-1 Mountain
- All the Bounce
-4 Grasslands


+2 Plains
+4 Mountain Valley
+2 Cognivore
+4 Tivadar's Crusade
+2 Urgent Exorcism

Now that's removal! XD

Ironic that the cards I end up with are even more useless than the 6 bounce would have been. Ah well. Them's the rules.

Yes, the 9 black sources of mana satisfies rule 7 (needs to be the majority of lands, not basic lands).

So with that said, I think we are good to go, except I get to pick my +1 card as the current reigning CRAP CHAMPION.

I pick Kytheon, Hero of Akros.

with your changes, and mine, here's my final decklist:


Rolling to see who goes first:

Kytheon, interesting! I would have gone a very different route (Homeward Path to use the sleepers as beats) but kid-gideon has good game versus the deck you handed me.

Do we have a shuffler system for the forums or when will you be available on cockatrice?

I've never used Cockatrice, but am open to try.

Lemme see if I can get it working on my laptop.

EDIT: Got it up and running. Ready to go whenever. Should we set up a playtime or just try and catch each other both online at some point?