As I said in the original thread, the Elder God mind/body control thing does not appeal to me, but that's more of a general opinion I have of the trope, and nothing against this story specifically. I like the exchanges here, and they are what make up the bulk of the story.

One thing I do want to say is that this statement, made in the discussion of the story, bothers me a bit:


These sorts of statements serve as serious red flags for me. There's no reason we can't have very powerful characters, and we have several examples of them in the Archive, but I find that these sorts of characters have to be handled very delicately if they are to be in any way interesting. Unkillable Neowalkers are a dangerous thing, not just in the canon, but potentially TO the canon. Now, I'm not sure that's really a valid criticism of this story, because there are potential in-world explanations for how Ungar could take a crossbow bolt to the chest with no real effect, but it is a concern I have for him in the future.

As for this story, as I said, I like the interactions, and it serves as a suitable introduction for Ungar without going particularly deep into who he is and what he is capable of. I'm willing to vote Yea on this one based on what is here, and wait to see what comes of Ungar later on.

Duly noted, his dossier is far from completion so I have some time to think about it This story almost certainly precedes the Mending, so the crossbow issue is easily explained.

As I noted on the original thread, I really like this story. I think it hits all those good horror notes, and I'm a fan.

Gets a big "yea" from me!

I wanted to stop by and say why I didn't read this (and for now don't plan to). Nothing against you, and in fact I'd like to read more of your work, but I am incredibly biased against Innistrad. I have no love for gothic horror in words or aesthetic, and Innistrad in particular is just the perfect blend of everything I dislike, so I tend to avoid it.