His ears pricked up as they caught the slightest echo of that unearthly sound, their pointed tips swiveling forward to try and grasp another note in the evening din of the marketplace. Nobody else seemed to notice, but as Aamir's ears rose and fell, he was sure he could hear the trailing edges of some soulful tune, if just barely. He nodded and smiled as he wove through the crowds, drawn inexorably towards the docks in search of that phantom song, growing stronger with ever passing street.

It wasn't just the voice, piercing and melodic as it was, but the rich azure light woven in its pitch. It carried more than just emotion, it was laden with meaning and spell, mana drawn from somewhere far far away. Someone was singing and it called to his soul, like to like as he followed that siren's chord. Standing taller than most the humans around him, he searched, eyes darting over the tops of their heads as that song tugged him onward. Closing his eyes, he felt and heard its proximity, so close now that it was a wonder no one else sought it as well. The dull beat of boots on wooden planks was a poor percussion for such an aria, but as he pushed his way apologetically through the crowd, he knew he was near and at last others seemed to take notice of what he'd heard all along.

He broke from the crowd at last, coming to a halting stop as he journeyed down the pier and saw her at last, sitting alone at the edge of the planks, the dull slap of waves a far better partner for her duet than his footsteps had been moments ago. Hesitantly he approached, catching just the edge of her profile, not wishing to interrupt her lovely singing.

Her color was several shades lighter than his own dark tea skin, but they shared the same swarthy tone as one another. Her hair cascaded down her back in thick raven locks and they seemed to emulate the sea as the wind shook the waves from her hair. Her clothes were rough woven and practical, a poor comparison to his own exotic jacket, but much better suited for the place than his. A thick sash hung tied across her waist and a half vest clung tightly to her shoulders. Her pants and the vest seemed to be of the same sort of canvas material, a stained and earthy color.

Along her arms he could see marks well darker still than her dusky skin, winding and fluid shapes that evoked the deeps of the sea and the water's crests as well. They were curious, somehow out of place here amid all the other sailors, though Aamir could not say for certain why. He looked back up towards her face, but could see little hidden behind the length of her hair. He thought, perhaps, that her eyes were closed, and his own drifted shut as his ears drooped in relaxed appreciation. He swayed slightly, almost unconsciously as he listened to the sound, but it held such sorrow, such loss that it ached within him to somehow help soothe this woman's song.

His fingers fell to his flute, pulling it hesitantly from his belt's folds and he lifted it to his lips. The first note was soft, barely more than a whisper as he began to play along to her song. The azure light streaked across the darkness of his vision behind closed eyes, but now a thin reed of alabaster danced along it. Slowly the two grew together and he could hear her song change subtly as the magic wove together and, encouraged, he hoped to lift her spirit, the flute's call growing more sure as she picked up the tune, but the music's light abruptly shattered and he opened his eyes, startled.

His emerald eyes met sapphire ones and they stared in shock at one another, at a loss for words after their music had been saying so much. It was the first real look he had gotten at her face, a strong jaw and soft features, a button nose and full lips, but it was those eyes, lapis under thick arched brows, that drew him so deeply.

"I'm... I'm so sorry!" he hastily said. "I did not mean to interrupt. I just wanted," he fumbled for words under her surprised gaze, "I just wanted to join in. It seemed such a shame such a lovely song would be so alone. It was the only thing I could think of to add."

"No, it's... it's alright." She offered him a small sincere smile, though her eyes drifted back to the ocean before them both. "It's not the first time, if you can believe it." She said, and despite the cheer of her words, there was something profoundly sad about the way she said them. Aamir pulled the tail of his jacket up and sat next to her gingerly, glancing over as she stared towards the water.

"My name is Aamir."

"Mine is Gale." She said, tucking a lock of thick hair behind her ear, rounded, unlike his own. As he watched, she glanced surreptitiously at the tips of his own and they rose with a smile. He suspected it wasn't the first time she'd looked, but he was used to the odd glance now and then. "You are not from here are you?"

"No, I am not. My home is a distant land, but I am happier to be away from it most of the time. I think, perhaps, the same is not so true for you though, is it?"

"I'd give nearly anything to return home." She said, drawing a knee up to her chest. "But I've lost my way and now all I have left to guide me is my song. I can make due, for the moment, but..." she trailed off, the unspoken words plain as the wound left on her soul by their meaning.

"I'm sorry Gale. If you would not mind... I think I should like to hear the story that brought you here." He placed his flute to the side and tilted his head. "And perhaps afterwards, if you would permit me, I would like to thank you by playing a song of my own for you."

She turned to look at him looking kindly at her and then lowered her head a bit, seeming to weigh the request before shrugging and looking out over the stars emerging on the water's mirror.

"It began much like this... A stranger came to hear me sing on a pier and..."

Is this new? Why is this up for vote?

This was in the throw the gauntlet thread.
I just gave it a less joke of a name.

"Shall we?"

In the last line of the first stanza, "every" needs a "y".

The last line of the second stanza is the sauce from the boss.

"Her color was several shades lighter than his own dark tea skin..." I like this line, but feel it needs rewording due to it technically saying that his skin is made from tea? A small hindrance, nevertheless... but also the sentence could be completed without "as one another", due to redundancy.

Aside from such a minor nitpick... I love this.

It moved me.

Yay.

Okay, so, I like this as a little slice of time/small moment thing, but I wonder if there's actually enough of a story here for this to be canon. I mean, if this gets voted in, then it becomes canon fact that Gale and Aamir know one another, and Aamir doesn't strike me as the mysterious kind who would just vanish after the untold story at the end. So...is Gale still stuck on the plane? Wouldn't Aamir sort of, I don't know, teach her how to planeswalk? And when is this in relation to Orcish's most recent Gale story, "Winds of Change?"

I mean, I think of this piece in the same way I think of the Gale/Denner piece Orcish wrote. It's a nice look at how two characters would interact. But it doesn't necessarily speak to me as the way they did interact. Considering how Gale seems to view the Spark as a curse, I somewhat feel like, since she picked out that he wasn't from there, she would ask about it, and Aamir would tell her, but we don't get any of that, because the scene ends too abruptly.

So, ultimately, I like the piece in and of itself, but I'm not sold on it for inclusion in the Archive.

Nay.

I'm just now realizing that I created some timeline confusion, here. Which is (a) entirely my fault and (b) I feel pretty awful about.

My intention for "Winds of Change" is that it takes place almost immediately after "The Sailor and the Siren," and, when I was writing it, it didn't even occur to me that it would sort of stomp the most likely timeline for this piece, since this encounter would *have* to occur after "The Sailor and the Siren," but, at the beginning of "Winds of Change," we're seeing Gale's first visit to a seaport since she 'walked away from Wreth. Which would basically squeeze this interaction out of that window.

Speaking purely for myself, I can envision this encounter happening at some indefinite point in Gale's very near future? Maybe the Blazing Star is docked in port for a night, and the crew have been given am evening's leave. That would put Gale on a pier, and would present a window for her to meet Aamir there. If they had just this one brief, ships-passing-in-the-night conversation, which is the tone that this piece creates, then hopefully that wouldn't cause much by way of knock-on repercussions.

But I feel really, really bad about muddling things in the first place. I just wasn't even thinking about potential timeline issues when I wrote my latest Gale story. The idea for "Winds of Change" just sort of appeared in my head, and I just knew that it felt right, and sounded good, and that I had to write it... and I completely spaced on whether or not it would cause problems with this story.

I'm really sorry about that.

There's nothing to feel bad about. This piece could take place after Gale had found the Blazing Star, as you say. I also think it's possible that this takes place shortly before, when Gale is in whatever port town she finds Captain Vasco. Honestly, the timeline bothers me less than the question of what happens to these two afterwards. The piece hints that they have divined one another is a 'walker. But the story does not give us an indication of what that means for Gale's larger arc, and if the intention is that Gale will continue, for a bit, to be unaware of what it really means to be a planeswalker or how planeswalking is accomplished, it just seems to me that Aamir's character is one who would want to help with that.

So, even if this ends up taking place after "Winds of Change," which I can certainly accept, are we to assume that Aamir simply left, or that he's signed on with the already over-crewed ship? It begs an interesting question, of course, of what Gale would do if forced to choose between the ship she just signed on with and learning how to get home.

First, I want to say that these are totally legitimate objections to hold to the piece, and sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this to respond to you Raven. I haven't been feeling quite myself, and the computers I usually use have been out of reach, leaving me just my phone and... well, that's a pain in the ass to try to respond to in a large multi quote post.


This concern is certainly one that sort of bears scrutiny. Even for microfiction, this doesn't say much, but the primary purpose of this piece was honestly more to inform than to expand. Quite simply put, neither Gale nor Aamir have physical descriptions actually IN the archives. Aamir doesn't actually have ANYTHING in the archives for that matter. So the purpose of this piece was to actually lay these details out in canon so that they WOULD be canon. It's admittedly a bit of a shallow reason, but I think it's important enough to warrant... well, maybe you can't call this a story, but at least an entry.


You have done a pretty good job of fathoming (hehe... nautical humor) Aamir's character, but I think part of this is to consider the larger ramifications of what Aamir was doing as well as Gale. As far as ships crossing in the night, that can certainly be true of this interaction, but there is nothing stating that it is the finale of their acquaintanceship (hehe... ship).

I suppose it's a situation where I've had a detail tucked away in reserve since Drifting Lights and just never had a chance to actually do anything with it, but Aamir has a tendency to gift people he meets with some way to reach him. Usually a small little trinket, maybe one that they could wear on their belt, but one intrinsically tied to his magic and possessed of a spirit that can reach him should they need him. In essence, he gives them a pager to keep in touch.* (I hope you appreciate that Raven because I set that up as hard as I could.) While I could have actually shown this, I feel like where it ends is a natural place to let the screen fade to black, and any sort of skip over her story would disservice the rest of it.

So, while the two may part, it doesn't mean that they cannot talk with each other at a later time should Gale need something. And after hearing her tale, I do feel that Aamir would be very moved for her to have proof that someone out in the grander multiverse has her back if it is ever against the wall. After all, Dominia can be a stern port fore and starboard.

*Which, it is completely up to Orcish to use or not.

Oh, Lordy. It's a sign of how completely fried my brain is just now that I've gone for days without realizing that, while I remembered to talk about the timeline for this story, I forgot to, you know, actually talk about the story itself...

Sorry, everyone. It has been that sort of week...

I have to caveat all this by saying that I haven't really been able to give much deliberate thought yet to what the outside-the-lines implications of the story would or could or should be. I guess I'd always been thinking of this as essentially a ships-passing-in-the-night sort of encounter -- two people meet, they talk a little bit about music and life, and then they part ways. And, from Gale's perspective, I think that sort of makes sense? She's someone who doesn't tend to pry, or to ask a lot of questions. And I think that, when it comes to the subject of planeswalking, she still almost doesn't have the vocabulary yet to try to figure out how to 'walk intentionally, or to talk to the other 'walkers she has met about it in anything other than very personalized terms. I don't think the word "planeswalker" is even in her lexicon, yet. She still basically thinks of planeswalking as her curse, and she tends to describe what has happened to her in terms of wandering, or falling through worlds, or not dying when she should have, rather than thinking of 'walking as something purposeful that she could learn to control.

(I do think that Penelophine already gave her the first clue that she needed in order to start unraveling that puzzle. But I don't think Gale herself realizes that, just yet.)

But I guess I hadn't thought through whether or not that version of events makes sense given Aamir's character. And it seems like the consensus is that it doesn't?

Well, I mean, insofar as my opinion amounts to a consensus (which I think we can all agree (or at least I can agree) that it does not). I think I just created a paradox there...

Anyway, I can certainly buy what you're selling here. I totally get that Gale doesn't even know what to ask, let alone how, and might not connect Aamir's appearance with the thought that he could or would help her. That all makes a lot of sense to me and it almost turns me around on the story. The problem with what Aamir would do in this situation remains the sticking point, though. Because I feel like if Aamir senses that Gale needs help, or, as Barinellos pointed out, if he suspects she's a planeswalker, he would likely give her a way to contact him.

So ultimately, my issue with the piece is that moment when Gale asks him "You are not from here are you?" Because the way I read Aamir, this starts a chain of events that would lead to Aamir taking a more vested interest in Gale and her fate. So I change my vote to Not As Is, but I still feel that issue needs resolving. I would either like an in-story explanation of why Aamir doesn't help (is he in a hurry, and only has time for one quick song), an alteration to the ending (which probably won't work, since the point of the ending is Gale telling her story), or a hint at what he might give her to get in tough with him (and probably a meta-note on what it is and how it works and what Gale does with it.

I am of the opinion that we do not have to write our canon chronologically. If we want more stories of Gale feeling lost and confused and alone, we can write them and say that they happen before this piece. As Barinellos points out, Aamir doesn't have any prior engagements as far as timeline goes. If we place this piece at an unknown piece in the future, I am fine with it. All that we are doing is stating that it eventually happens, and we are preventing ourselves from writing any stories set before this one that show Gale as a competent Planeswalker, or getting help by anyone else to understand her situation. I don't see a problem with that (of course, I haven't read all of the previous Gale stories, so I could be wrong).

Now, the story itself. I really like this kind of small "slice of life" pieces. I think this story is simply enjoyable. It isn't impacting, or exciting, it is just a story to sit and enjoy. And I think we need stories like that. I'm voting Yea.

this is a weird thing for me to judge because I don't really know the characters involved. I do want to start to learn the deeper M:EM background, but I don't really have the context for Gale and Aamir that this piece seems to expect me to have.

that said, I'm not a huge fan of the story as a story. it's short but it seems to spend too long doing too little. I feel like it could be cut in half without losing any real impact. if this were part of a larger story I could justify that as a moment where you're intentionally slowing time down, and I can sort of see why you might want to in this scene, but I don't feel the impact, although maybe I would if I knew the characters better. I think if you're doing long-time, it becomes even more important that every word is gripping because it becomes much harder for the reader to avoid skipping ahead, and I don't feel like this piece does that well enough. I had to force myself to jump back a couple paragraphs more than once because I'd inadvertently skipped large chunks of text. I feel like all the meat of this story could be delivered in one or two paragraphs, and if you're gonna stretch it more than that it needs to be done incredibly carefully.

with that said, now I'm gonna read what other people are saying about it.

so again, I don't know the canon well. but the point of writing new stories is to develop it, isn't it? why are we working on the assumption that this isn't the day Gale learns what she really is? I mean, it'd certainly need more ink, but why can't that be where this heads? as Aaargh said we can always write stuff set before this if we want to do more stuff where she doesn't know. but really, from what I'm gathering about Gale in this thread, it's gonna have to be a thing at some point. a character who doesn't know their true power and keeps bumbling around them can only last for so long before they become implausible. and it doesn't have to be a sudden thing, either: this story doesn't say to me at all that she knows nothing. the only thing the story tells us is she doesn't know how to return home: everything else you're inferring from context. without that context, I inferred that her home had been destroyed, not that she didn't know how to control her power, so it's not a line that really crushes possibilities. there can be lots of stories in between the last chronological one and this where she starts to pick up clues, culminating in her meeting Aamir and finally putting all the pieces together. the only thing we can't do now is kill off Gale before that happens, but, well, that's how adding to the canon works. you can't write a story about Fisco Vane dying before he returns to Jakkard anymore either.

I don't know anything about Aamir though so I can't speak to how plausible this is in his canon, but I don't see why the idea that he would help her learn her true nature is inherently problematic canonically.

anyway, I'm not sure if I should vote nay for the writing stuff or abstain for not knowing the canon stuff, but I'll think about it.

So, apparently I am the world's biggest dope, because I thought I had voted on this story, like, two weeks ago, and it turns out that I never actually did.

I swear, I would lose my head if it wasn't bolted to my neck.

Anyway, I'm voting "yea," for the uncomplicated reason that I like this story. I think that Raven raised a bunch of really good questions about what the meta-implications of this piece are or might be, but, speaking purely for myself, I don't think those are questions which have to be answered in the text of this story. I think they're questions that can be answered in other Gale or Aamir stories that may come along in the future, and, selfishly, I'm happy with leaving them unanswered for now, because -- at least as relates to Gale -- I'm actually not sure what the answers are just yet. But I don't think the range of possibilities includes anything that would necessarily contradict anything which is already in our canon, and I do think there are enough possible interpretations as to leave plenty of space for future authors to work with.

With all that being said, I'm well aware that my own comfort level with hand-waving away the occasional timeline wobble or cross-plot inconsistency is much, much higher than the norm around here, so I understand why other people may more reservations about this than I do.

But, again, at the end of the day, I like this piece, and I'm happy giving it my "yea."

I'm going to be up front that I don't really quite have a sense of how the timeline here works, but I'm not sure it's as important as what Aamir would do in the situation. I assume Barinellos has a handle on why he wouldn't take an interest in Gale here to the point of guiding her in her 'walkerhood very directly... but I feel like maybe that should be on the page here?

Ultimately though that's less important to me than the actual experience of reading this. I know I know I'm the timeline consistency person but I am convinced by Aaarrrgh and OL's takes on that--we can be flexible here I think probably.

The shortness of it, and the abrupt feeling of the ending though... that's harder to overlook.

It's not that I think this is a bad piece--far from it. Honestly if it was less well written it might be easier to vote in as something minor, but it's actually beautiful. I love your descriptions, Barinellos, and you're really doing some delightful work here. In particular, you do much here to make Aamir truly seem alien, which given how common it is for elves to be Humans But With Pointy Ears And A Superiority Complex the fact that you went in that direction with this character is great. I love the swiveling ears. Really, love it to death. And I felt very drawn in by the actual way you set the scene.

But there's all that buildup, and then... I was actually honestly sort of shocked when I looked down and saw I was just a few lines from the end. It felt like I was suddenly being pulled out of the experience against my will.

This feels like it wants to be something more... or as Razorborne suggests something less. As it is, it feels like it's on the verge of blooming before getting frozen by a coldsnap.

...The actual weather phenomenon, I mean, not the set... >_>

Anyway I'm going with a NAI vote here asking for either a cropping down to something that is faster paced as per Razor's suggestion, or the more preferable route in my opinion where you add some more to expand out the interaction here and make it feel a little more complete.

As this piece has been discussed exhaustively, I have little to add. I'm mostly a mixture of both Keeper and Razor's viewpoint - the work retains Barinellos' excellent writing while the piece itself seems... hm. Stunted?

Anyway, a little clarity would probably bring me around, to be honest. I think the piece could benefit from length.

NAI.

I know I haven't weighed in very extensively in this second round of commentary, but I want to say I think all those comments are fair. I'm touched people enjoy the writing well enough to hold me to such a high standard too.

What isn't fair is NOBODY has commented on my absolute godsawful puns that I'm very proud of.

...Ok I somehow missed the puns so I feel ashamed now. What were they?

Oh I did want to note that I agree with Lunar that "tea-dark skin" would probably scan better than "dark tea skin."

I actually disagree with this one. I sort of like "tea-dark skin" as a descriptor.

I'm voting Nay on this because, here's the thing: I don't think this works on it's own. It feels like an introduction to a piece five times as long, and with almost half of the thing just describing Gale's appearance (a full paragraph unnecessarily focusing on her clothing, in my opinion), there is not nearly enough to bite into for me to say this is worth it. That's not even considering some of the clunky overwrought sentences like this one:



That said, I'm... not sure how to call this. When I count Lunar Mystic's vote as a Yea, that's 5 Yea votes to 5 combined Nay and NAI votes, with every voting M:EMber accounted for. I'm going to leave the thread stickied for now to keep discussion open.

given that the tie rule is "whichever way the M:EMperor voted" and the M:EMperor had to abstain, I think probably the best rule is to go down the line to the only other actual authority figure we have, which is the Archivist. but then I'm probably biased because the Archivist agreed with me, but I don't really know what other system to use. although personally I would have set it up in the first place such that a tie is a no, but then again that system also agrees with me so again I don't know. it's unfortunate that this question didn't come up outside of the context of a specific vote, since by the bounds of the question everyone will have a bias.



PS: alternately, we could drop my vote since of all the qualified voters I'm the one least capable of weighing the context here. I was just voting on it as a story.