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 Post subject: POS Writes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 10:07 am 
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I'm just gonna post stuff I write, but that I'm not really working on, here. I want to write more often, but I'm very unreliable when it comes to "I'm going to write something every day" type statements. So, instead, I'm just gonna post whatever I type up here, whenever I create it.

Today:
Thoughts on it

About the time you begin reading this I’ll arrive behind you. Can you not see me? Perhaps you aren’t trying, for I know you feel me there. It doesn’t matter, the rest of your life is already mine.

Terrence looked around. He didn’t recognize anyone. It didn’t matter, he was quite comfortable being unknown. The more he thought about it, the more comfortable it felt. Things were just easier when no one knew you, and he was tired of trying. Sitting outside the entrance to the underground train station, a wide area with several benches surrounded by three story buildings, each containing a bustling shop of some kind on the bottom floor, he recognized the beauty of the area. He didn’t feel the beauty, but he recognized it. There were many people walking around, going into or out of the station, they were generally uninteresting. Their paths were known and their expressions were the same. The more interesting ones were those waiting. The looks of hope, confusion, anxiousness, and sometimes anger. Why were they waiting? Terrance watched a pair of young women walk past him and look at the empty seat next to him. The first stopped and bumped into the other. As she scanned the other available benches in the area, Terrance stood up and gestured to the seat.

“Oh, he’s giving us his seat!” said the first young woman a bit too loudly. She was an attractive woman, probably about 19 or 20, long black hair, slim frame, a pretty smile. Terrance wondered what a night with either of them would be like. He thought briefly about interacting with her and her friend. Her friend was about the same figure, a slight bit wider, blonde hair she covered in with a grey kit cap Maybe he’d see if they wanted to go to dinner or maybe just wander about the town talking, seeing what might happen. “He’s given us his seat, look at that!” the dark haired woman said again. Terrance smiled and nodded his head slightly, then backed up against the wall of a nearby shop. The women began a boisterous conversation. There was a lot of laughing and a lot of cursing. They seemed fun. Oh well, maybe some other time. Terrence looked around from his new vantage point. There was a middle aged blonde woman in a moderately conservative dress looking around apprehensively near the entrance. She took out her phone and began moving her fingers over it. Was she sending a text? Terrance took out his phone and looked at it. There were no new text messages. It’s a strange habit to check your phone when you see someone else playing with theirs he thought as he put the phone back in his pocket. He glanced around to see if there were any coffee shops in the area. He didn’t see any. He knew one was just around the block, it was probably connected to the shop he was leaning against. He checked to see if there were any available signals in the area. Finding one, he tried to connect, but couldn’t access any sites because his phone seemed overly concerned with security. Oh well, guess it’s time to move somewhere else.

Terrance walked through the town to the next station opening. He never understood why stations were so close together. This was a much less comfortable entrance. There were no benches. The people waiting had the same expressions, but given their positions it seemed like a group waiting to ambush another group. Still, there were many beautiful people. He wondered why there were a lot more women waiting than men. He still didn’t recognize anyone. Terrance locked eyes with several people, some of whom seemed unusually upset with the act, before he decided the other station was better.

The two loud women were still there. No one seemed to care that they were being loud. Terrance quite enjoyed their laughter, even if the actual discussion was a bit off and distracting. He wondered again if he should try and join in. Thinking better of it, he leaned back against the familiar wall and looked around. The woman who had made the text seemed startled by a man who walked out of the station and turned immediately to face her. The momentary confusion evaporated and they both smiled and embraced. She put away her phone and the two walked off together. Terrance pulled out his own phone again and still saw no messages. He began to suspect he’d be better off at home. There were quite a few things he was missing out on. Nothing terribly important, but each thing interesting in it’s own way. Terrance looked to his left. One of the most attractive women he’d ever seen walked up. Medium length light red hair, bright red lips wearing a nice dress covered by a khaki colored trench coat. She looked anxious, a bit apprehensive even. Terrance decided he would love to spend even a few minutes with her. She seemed genuine, and beautiful. It seemed like she was definitely waiting for someone. Terrance wondered what kind of person could arouse such a look in a woman like her. She stood behind the bench watching the entrance and ignoring everything else around her. Terrance half smiled, and thought about talking to her. He took a half-step towards her but stopped. Oh well, maybe in another life.

Terrance looked across the open area and saw another woman waiting near the entrance. He’d noticed her before and she’d been waiting almost as long as him. Maybe this is it he though. Terrance walked up to her. “Excuse me, are you Hailey?”

The woman looked at Terrance with confusion. “No, sorry.” she responded. Terrance smiled. “Well, would you like a flower then?” The woman smiled, but it had a sense of discomfort to it. With a slight laugh she said “No.” Terrance turned and walked away. Entering the station and boarding the train, he wondered what to do with the flower.

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 Post subject: Re: POS Writes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 11:10 am 
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I think you should break up your paragraphs more. It's easier to digest a story that way.

Where did the flower come from? Was there a real point you were trying to make with this piece of prose?

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 Post subject: Re: POS Writes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2015 12:34 pm 
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Thanks! I'll try breaking up paragraphs. I've never really known the appropriate time. There was no genuine point to the story and I was just curious how the introduction of the flower would read.

It's actually a recollection of a time I was stood-up by an online, semi-blind, date. Most of the thoughts regarding the women were me wondering if that was the person I was meeting and I actually approached several women once the time seemed like she would have definitely been there. I decided to write about it because I thought I might be able to tie it back into the first paragraph if the story were extended. Like no one knows if Terrance is the entity speaking in the first paragraph or if Terrance is controlled by the entity speaking in the first paragraph. I was curious if the flower's sudden introduction would add weight to the mystery or just seem blunt. Like, would people think it was the devil offering a gift, or if it was something Terrance had been holding the whole time, but didn't care enough about to mention?

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 Post subject: Re: POS Writes
PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 1:04 am 
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I figured the flower was for an initial meeting of a new woman in his life.
however, i'm confused as to his decision to change stations if he and Hailey had intended to meet in the first one?

also, when did the semi-blind date, the one you had personally, actually happen?

and if I imagine myself as each of the attractive women, in turn, then I liked the piece. if not, then I believe your target audience to be intended for the male sex exclusively.

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 Post subject: Re: POS Writes
PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 2:28 am 
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This piece is written from the perspective of a loveless man who's attracted to women. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. You're right in that the piece doesn't seem to have much point beyond idle description though.

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The format of YMtC and the Expanded Multiverse.
YMtC: My Deck of Many Things | NGA Masters | 2 | 3 | Roses of Paliano | Duel Decks: War of the Wheel | Jakkard: Wild Cards | From Maral's Vault | Taramir: The Dark Tide
Solphos: Solphos | Fool's Gold | Planeswalker's Guide | The Guiding Light | The Weight of a Soul
Game design: Pokémon Tales | Fleets of Ossia: War Machines | Hunter Killer | Red Jackie's Run


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 Post subject: Re: POS Writes
PostPosted: Sat Jan 02, 2016 10:58 am 
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you're right. nothing wrong with a guy who is attracted to women. I just kind of feel like I, myself, am not the intended audience for this specific piece. I say that, because reading it was just uncomfortable. in a benign way.

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