It is currently Thu Nov 28, 2024 8:42 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

Enter The Hunter into the M:EM
Yea 86%  86%  [ 6 ]
Nay 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
NAI 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain 14%  14%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 7
Total voters : 7
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:35 pm 
Offline
YMtC Pro Tour Champion
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 14369
Found Here

If accepted, this piece will be public

_________________
"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:43 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 5699
Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
Typos:
Quote:
It was a small deer, but it was more than good enough, an a larget one would be hard to bring back to town along the route he had taken into the woods.

Should be "and a larger one".

Quote:
Kaja reached up and placed two ingers on the arrowhead, pushing it slightly aside.

Should be "fingers".

Quote:
Ivar smiled slightly. “It will be good to see the north again. How soon can we go.

Missing quotation marks and should end in a question mark.

Quote:
Ivar could count for Ulfr,

Probably supposed to be "four Ulfr".

----

I want to ask about this line:
Quote:
“You’re sure?” Ivar asked, “After… after all I’ve said.”

Is it purposefully ending in a period, or did you mean for that to be a question mark? I can see it as either way.

----

So, I actually quite liked this one. I felt it progressed rather nicely from mystery to horror (at least for Ivar), and I also really liked how it ended (after Ivar transformed back). I need to go back and check the Aralheim guide, because I don't recall mention of the belief of anything like Skoll and that is fascinating to me.


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:51 am 
Offline
YMtC Pro Tour Champion
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 14369
I've edited those typos, including the one you weren't sure on (which was a typo).

_________________
"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:14 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Sep 22, 2013
Posts: 11080
I like the story in general. I'm still not particularly fond of the Wolf section, but I thought the rest was quite good.

"Yea."


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:58 pm 
Offline
Member

Joined: Aug 04, 2014
Posts: 1452
Identity: human
Preferred Pronoun Set: he
My goodness, you just killed it with the interaction between ivar and vivianne! it made my heart flutter, dude.

Interestingly, I butchered a deers front-quarters recently! I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but had to.

Rettrborg is such a gross name for a town...lol

lol at "...the creature could not be induced to go farther..."
-And the rest of the paragraph was even funnier! hahahah!

And the next stanza has even more hilarity!
I'd better stop before I die a'laughing.... seeing as how I have a propensity for imagining myself as the main character.

I believe that your plot-twists are an ingral part of the story-telling you do. What better way to say more, with less.

I liked the plot twist. You did well to incorporate it with continuity.

Oh... and the card idea is pretty sweet, too.

Yea.


Like this post
Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group