The kitchen appliance store has closed for renovations but the particular microwave you want is only sold at this store A quick phone call to me and I have a solution. My minions have been busy soaking up the rays on my roof after they fixed my air cooler at gunpoint so they have nothing to do right now. I order them to steal a 4WD Landcruiser, fit a large bull bar to it and ram raid the store in question. After searching the rubble they have retrieved the microwave. Sirens are heard closing in to their position so they load up the microwave and reverse the truck out of the store. Normally the dated truck would be no match for the pursuing police vehicles but while the minions were modifying the truck I fitted that top fuel nitro dragster motor to it that I had lying in the back shed. The minions reach your house in record time and drop off the microwave. Excited about the missions success they redline the motor and the truck explodes in a ball of flame and melted metal leaving none alive.

Your new neighbor has just installed a $5000 audio system and has frequent loud parties that keep you up all night.

I send my minions over to dance it up. They are so bad at dancing that no one will ever come to my neighbors parties again. However he still won't stop blasting that ****ed music. So my other group of minions enacts Plan B. One hour later, his entire speaker system is on its way to Mordor on a jet ski.



Your minions need to lose weight or you won't be able to send them on any more errands. However, they will only exercise to video tapes of Richard Simmons, and you don't know where to get any. What do you do?

Richard Simmons tapes? Bah! I won't let something like that distract me from the true objective! I put in place a much more effective exercise plan. The minion who loses the least amount of weight each week is killed off. Maybe I can spin this into a reality tv show.

Somebody outbid you on the house you wanted to buy! You don't have enough money to win a bidding war, but you can't let the house of your dreams slip through your fingers!

I sent my minions out to do whatever they want, as long as they stuck to a certain area, namely that neighborhood. This inevitably lowered the property values, and the house was a steal because no one else wanted it.


TPManW's reality show has caused minions everywhere to unionize. What do you do?

Launch a spinoff tv show! Minion Unionbusters! I send a newly hired minion with a camera into the studio and film their attempt to infiltrate and undermine the minion's union. Audiences are on the edges of their seats to see if he gets lynched at the end of the episode. Also, this gives me a second source of income and lets me craft a favourable narrative of the minion union for the public. Without leverage or public support the union crumbles!

You want to do your part to fight childhood obesity. How do you do this in a way that kills a minion?

I give TPManW the great idea to bring his 1st reality show on a country-wide tour in an effort to raise awareness about childhood obesity. He makes tons and tons of money doing it. Then I ask him to fill in the blanks in the plan.

Minions have stopped dying. Instead they are coming back as zombies. What do you do?

I create a quarantine area, complete with reinforced glass, slots for preferred ballistic items or prickly items.

Oh, and an incinerator, especially an incinerator.

Then one by one I kill a minion in an attempt to study the source of the zombie plague and cure the problem while luring those to be sacrificed for this inside under the false pretense of a pay raise.

Course medical supplies maybe in short supply as well...

The minions are wanting a new form of entertainment, but don't have the funds or equipment (that's all yours anyways) to do anything. They suggest a wrestling league...

I give them a ball and teach them how to play rugby.

The minions have grown overly fond of rugby. It's interfering with their work. What do you do?

Why I teach them to play call of duty instead.

Jack taught the minions to play call of duty. What do you do?

That means they're already half-trained for combat duty! I hire them out as discount mercenaries.

Somebody hired mercenaries to attack you. The nerve! What do you do?

I hear TPManW has his own troop of minion mercenaries. I hire them out to defend me. They get the job done, but unfortunately it does not seem like they were very competent..... Many minion lives were lost this day, as it seems it was really just one half of the troop fighting the other half.

You need a light bulb changed. What do you do?

I design a rapidly spinning platform that a minion can stand on while holding the replacement lightbulb up to the socket. Within just 1/25 of a second the lightbulb is installed. As an unforseen consequence the minion is ripped apart by centrifugal force.

I need to clean some blood off my interior walls.

You hire your minions to do it.

Your interior walls are now completely red due to minion incompetence. What do you do?

I devise a device to extract the natural acids of the human stomach and convert them into a powerful cleaning solution.Regrettably the process is fatal to the subject. Now who here has a stomach?

I need to drum up some sales for my new environmentally-friendly cleaning solution. How can I do that?

You give 5 minions 5 sandwich boards and tell them to go stand on the curb. However, they are not very motivated, and you get few new customers.

TPMANw needs his minions to be more motivated when it comes to sidewalk advertising his new environmentally friendly cleaning solution. How should he go about it?

Easy. Randomly choose one of the five minions that failed in the previous task, and publicly execute him in front of the others. Then explain that you will repeat this process each week until sales are up.

The IRS (or equivalent institution in your homeland) is about to audit your cleaning business.

Well obviously I had the cleaning business set up under the name of my chief minion (so as to be untraceable to me). Once the paperwork showed up that minion and all the other ones subcontracting for it get to go clean the bottomless pit. Boom, problem solved.

You get turned down for a date.

Obviously, I need to impress this girl. And the best way to impress a girl is through heroic action! So I have one of my minions hit another minion with a car in front of the girl. Then, I heroically attempt to save the "victim's" life. Granted, it was too late to save him, but at least I got the girl.

To achieve the next step in your diabolical plan, you need a chess trophy from an international championship. Unfortunately, you're not a very good chess player...

Have a minion kill the tournament organizer and dress up like him to take his place. Then instead of regular chess pieces have the last match be done with live chess pieces instead of a usual board (with minions dressed up as chess pieces). When the match is over as they're about to award the trophy to the winner one of the minion chess pieces runs up and grabs it. Of course in the ensuing mayhem there's a fire...and the blood...so much blood. Needless to say as you're building your new death ray next to a soot stained and gore covered chess trophy you ask yourself why you didn't just have the minions steal it before the match ever started.

Your new evil supercomputer gets a virus.

Why I shrink my minions into computer code and have them do battle with the virus man to man. Unfortunately once the virus is dead I don't know how to transform them from code back into minions.

Your evil lair has a cat problem. Your minions are trying to turn your pet cats into ninja cats and you do not approve of this past time. What do you do?