This I grant you! You find yourself transported to a plain white room filled with art supplies. Three times a day, a plate of tasteless grey paste is pushed through a slot in the wall. There is no door. You better like art, because there's not much else in there, and I don't see you getting out anytime soon.

I wish for a puppy!

Here's your puppy. Unfortunately, it thinks of itself as a cabbage.



I wish for my wish to be granted without using verbal trickery or anything else I would be displeased with.

Granted your wish for your wish to be granted without using verbal trickery or anything else I would be displeased with is met exactly as you specified. It is worth note however that that was the extent of your wish and thus it does not apply to any future wishes.

I wish for a pony.

Your wish is granted !

But due to a slight personality disorder your pony thinks it is a Nightmare and seeks out powerful Demons plus occasionally attempts to fly.

I wish my D&D Miniatures would become animated figures when placed on the scale map of my dungeon.

Granted! They are all animated, but the orc and goblins and various other baddies all immediately rush and attack all the good minis rather than waiting for you to move them. Now all you have is a bunch of angry baddies and a bunch of dead good guys.

I wish I had the 5e Dungeon Master's Guide.

Wish granted. Unfortunately the moment you get it they come out with 6e and you can't find someone to play.

I wish for churros.

This I grant you! You get churros. They're actually pretty decent. However, you have to live the rest of your life with the knowledge that you wasted a wish on simple snack food.

I wish for a 3DS and a copy of the new Smash Bros.

Wish granted. However, you spend the next day unable to win a game even though you play dozens of them in a row. And I'm not just talking about humans. I mean the ai too. The next day, you are finally able to win a game, only to find out that someone played your game while you were asleep and has unlocked everything. You look for a way to reverse this, only to learn that it is irreversible for some unexplainable reason due to a glitch. Furthermore, their high scores were so insane that you will never be able to beat them. And then, the true problems begin.....

I wish for more churros.

Granted. You get more churros. But your friends eat them before you can have any.

I wish for more churros that I will get to eat, without anything being wrong with them.

I grant you this! The churros are of the highest quality, made with only the finest whatever-you-make-churros-with. However you still feel sick after eating them as your new allergies have all flared up.

I wish to be a pokemon!

Congratulations. You are now a Muk.


I wish for my evil lair to have a pool of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

Poof! You now have a pool full of lasersharks! A very large pool full of lasersharks, and you are standing on a small platform in the center of it with no way to get across it.

I wish for the ability to learn any language through a single day of study.

"Congratulatoins. You now have the ability to learn a single language through a single day of study. You also however are the last person on Earth, and all books and other forms of media not in languages you already know have been mysteriously destroyed".

I wish for world peace. Without interplanetary warfare suddenly becoming a thing.

World peace? Oh, that is easy. All humans simultaneously enter a permanent coma.

I wish for a freezer which I can open at any time to procure whatever frozen dessert I currently desire.

This I grant you! The fabled Freezer of Tash'ty'roc acts as an intradimensional gateway, always opening to the location of the desrt you wish to acquire. Regrettably, this does not mean you own the deserts you acquire. In fact, you do not own the freezer either! Oh dear, you appear to have just made several enemies.

I wish for an Easy Bake oven.

Congratulations. You now have an easy bake oven. Your doctor has also informed you that you are weirdly allergic to anything made in an easy bake oven and nothing else. The neighbor kids will get to have fun with it though.

I wish gravity did not exist.

Granted! Unfortunately, as gravity is one of the fundamental forces of the universe, it also means that the universe doesn't exist.

I wish for the ability to, at will, have my body be unaffected by some or all effects of gravity.

*Actually, that's not true. It's a well agreed upon thing in physics that while gravity is certainly very important for things as they currently are, the universe could almost certainly exist without gravity. It would just be very very different...*

Granted. You immediately test this out, and then immediately learn why gravity is not in fact a necessary force for things to exist but is certainly one necessary for them to exist in their current state.


I wish TPW would start posting in the Sacrificing Minions game again.

This I grant you! Unfortunately my is so gruesome that the site is now being investigated by the FBI. And also the guys who make Oxyclean for some reason...

I wish my computer were faster!

Wish granted. Your computer is faster. Unfortunately, you can now no longer seem to catch it. Maybe a little too fast?

I wish broadway musicals were not a thing.