Valentyn Mason

Appearance
A young human male, Valentyn appears to be roughly in his mid-twenties. He is fair skinned, with hazel eyes and dirty blond hair roughly cut. His stocky build is the result of an easy life prior to his Spark triggering, though the fat of luxury has begun transforming into muscle from all the hardships he has endured.

His clothing is militaristic, consisting of an olive green shirt and trousers, and a green greatcoat the Vlastimir military favors as a uniform. It has been damaged and repaired a multitude of times, and Valentyn has added a bandolier of pouches beneath the coat to hold all the various little trinkets he has wound up collecting over his travels. He also still carries a large hand-and-a-half sword, usually sheathed at his hip.

History
Born to a well-off merchant family, Valentyn always felt somewhat of an outcast. Merchants in Vlastimir were neither serfs nor nobles, falling somewhere in between. They did not rule, they did not ride, and they did not fight. However, they were not beholden to lords and did not work the fields either. Valentyn grew up with few playmates, the children of the nobles looking down at him for his lack of a famous family name, and the children of the serfs being too intimidated by his family's nature - outside the regular societal structure of the homeland.

As a result, Valentyn spent most of his childhood reading, filling his mind with stories. Myth and legends of heroes and monsters long gone from the world. As he grew, he wanted to become like those legends - someone people would praise and seek out, and accept. Upon reaching maturity, he left his home and his lonely childhood behind, and enrolled in the Home Military Guard Academy. It was a school for officers, but due to his background, the more prestigious courses were denied to him. He didn't know how to ride and couldn't afford lessons, so he could not be a Hussar. He had no talent for magic or shooting, and so the path of a Pistoleer was also denied to him. And so he had no choice left but to become an infantry officer - the lowest rank of officer, and generally looked down upon by the other command ranks.

Despite this, he managed to make a few friends, and with that he could endure the pitying looks and sneers of others. Five years passed before he graduated, and was placed in charge of commanding baggage trains - a simple and uncomplicated posting, ideal for new officers. He would have had to serve in that position for several years before being granted command of an infantry unit, but the Luthen invasion occurred before then.

With his friends as the vanguard of the Grand Army, Valentyn found himself in charge of the baggage train tasked with supplying the 3rd Pistoleer Brigade. Though he resented the posting (since it put him directly in contact with the dashing folk heroes of modern Vlastimir whom he could never join), he did his duty. When the army fell to the might of the legion however, he was one of the first to run. He did not get far before the Luthen war-mages began their bombardment of the retreating forces.

He burned, his flesh being stripped off his skeleton. But he did not die. As he was reduced to naught but bone, the world burned away, and a new one took it's place. As a strange new landscape poured in to fill the void that had encompassed him, it brought with it new flesh for him to inhabit. All was agony and hazy dreams then. Of tumbling through humid forests made up of trees he had never seen. Of alarms and panicked voices and blurry figures.

When he awoke, he found himself in a tent, whole and healthy. Lost and confused, he swiftly discovered he had been found by an expedition of explorers charting someplace called the hedron fields. From them he learned he was in someplace called Zendikar. A plane, they called it. A realm of shifting lands, dangerous wilds and explorers. A place that knew nothing of Vlastimir or Luthen. From his descriptions of his homeland, the expedition theorized that Valentyn was a planeswalker - a mage capable of walking between realms at will.

Valentyn laughed in their faces. He was no mage. The expedition's pyromancer argued that merely being able to make it to Zendikar from this Vlastimir place counted. Valentyn then challenged the man to teach him magic in that case. Surely, if he was a mage, he would be able to learn at least the basics? The expedition considered this and a deal was struck - in return for Valentyn's assistance, they would teach him what they could of magic.

[WIP. Roadmap: Zendikar (studying basics of magic, fleeing the Eldrazi), Nicol Bolas (being found and tutelage continued, becoming Bolas' pawn), The Vault (raiding the Infinite Library, Raleris letting him get away with it due to his own machinations), Planechase (battling Amras and Lucius), Innistrad (siding with the humans, supporting the underdog against the larger forces), Commander (utilizing the tactics of Bolas, greater grasp of magic), Theros (siding with Mogis on Bolas' orders), Archenemy (the Draconic Apocalypse comes to Vlastimir)]

Personality
Since ascending and suddenly gaining the power he has desired for years, Valentyn has nurtured a hunger for more. He eagerly seeks out new ways to improve himself, to make himself stronger, safer, more secure. He justifies this lust for greater power in his mind by dedicating it all to the liberation of his homeland - the Kingdom of Vlastimir. Valentyn views himself as an outcast hero, destined to return home at the head of a grand army, heralded by trumpets and cheers. He views himself driving the Luthen occupiers out of his home with barely having to lift a finger, and being lauded for it, becoming a legend. He sees nothing wrong with paying terrible prices for the power he needs to achieve this, even if they clearly violate the very principles he claims to champion.

He is, in short, a deluded hypocrite. He will fight for the people of Vlastimir, yet cheerfully sacrifice those who remind him of them. He is a champion of liberty, but sees no problem with robbing others of their will. He speaks of scheming and carefully laid plans, but is often reckless and thoughtless in his deed. He wants aid in freeing Vlastimir, yet is loathe to share the spotlight.

Magic
Despite having had no magic to call his own before his ascension, Valentyn is a powerful raw talent. He lacks the discipline and experience to fully harness it, but so far his sheer power has managed to carry him through the few confrontations he has had. The young man refuses to fight those he deems stronger than himself, claiming it to be a waste of time and often fleeing or surrendering, depending on the circumstances. Of course, he merely claims that this is all part of a greater plan to develop his skills and contacts.

Valentyn has shown a proficiency in astral projection, conjuring aspects of beings he has encountered or come in contact with during his travels. These summons vary in power, though tend to be taxing to summon, especially during a stressful situation. They also take a great deal of time, since each one needs a precise mix of mana to manifest - mana Valentyn has to call upon from variety of locations he has attuned himself to throughout the multiverse. The further a location is, the longer it takes for that mana to become available for him to use. This does not help matters when most of the creatures he summons are dragons, which require huge amounts of energy to manifest. However, dragons are a clear symbol of strength, and their mythology has enamored Valentyn, and so he continues to use them even when it would be more prudent to focus his efforts on summoning larger amounts of lesser creatures - such a goblins.

To compensate, Valentyn has taken to hunting down various artifacts and spells to aid him in collecting mana whenever he requires it.

As a mage, Valentyn also has a wide variety of spells at his disposal, though his unfamiliarity with his own abilities means he cannot recall all of them with perfect clarity. He "shuffles" through them on a regular basis, but can only ever recall a few dozen at a time. The great potential of his mind remains locked.

Stories
Wolves At The Door (Valentyn's first few days in Innistrad)

Hey. Just dropping in to say that I've read this, but I don't have time to comment just now. I'll have something for you later this afternoon, though!

Thanks for posting!

*Sits nervoualsy awaiting criticism* ^_^

Naw, criticism's easy. Praise is hard to take.

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts. In general, I like the character. I like that he has a sort of pragmatic cowardice to him. He's not necessarily afraid of danger, but he's afraid of death, and does what he can to avoid it. There's something that feels pretty real about that.

I think you do a pretty good job of describing Valentyn physically, and I like the militaristic look you are going for with him. Slight typo with the "hand a half sword," but we all make typos, and I know from experience that even proof-reads don't catch all of them.

I don't have a great sense of the background you give him, in terms of precisely what happened in Vlastimir, but it may not be necessary for the character's dossier. Zendikar is an interesting (and perhaps unfortunate for him) first walk, and I love how he cuts out as soon as he sees the Titans. That fits well with his character.

One concern I have is that he seems to have no magical acumen before his Spark ignites, and then afterward, it's like a switch. Usually, the Spark has some effect on the person even before it ignites. Admittedly, sometimes that effect is non-magic, but often those with latent sparks show uncommon talent in some sort of magic pre-ignition. Admittedly, even one of my characters from War of the Wheel, Antine, experiences a similar thing to Valentyn, but it's a slow process, and there were certain...hints...from before his Spark ignited. But it's just something to keep in mind.

Another thing I should mention is when you say this:


While planeswalkers are sometimes exceptionally powerful, post-mending 'walkers (or Neo-walkers, as some call them) and nowhere near as powerful as those before the Mending. Many planeswalkers now are really no more powerful than an ordinary mage, except for their ability to 'walk the Blind Eternities. Now, I'm not getting the sense from Valentyn that you're leaning to the over-powered range, but that line tipped a slight red flag, and I thought I should mention it.

Speaking of power levels and powers, I don't have a good sense of where his magical interests lie. He seems to want to be a jack of all trades (and a master of none, as the old saying goes.) so I'm not sure what about him makes him special. It's hard to visualize how he would act in a fight. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but nearly all planeswalkers we've seen have some sort of specialty or point of emphasis. Valentyn's lack thereof might end up meaning he gets lost in the shuffle a bit.

The final thing I want to mention is Valentyn's colors. You identify him as , but I'm having a difficult time figuring out why. Personally, from your description of his character, I see him bleeding quite a bit. Honestly, based on how he's described, I would be tempted to peg him , which is incidentally the opposite of what you have. I could probably buy , and maybe explore a "good" character in a traditionally "bad guy" color combo, but I'm not seeing a whole lot of or . Little pieces, sure, but it's pretty difficult to balance a three-color character, so I suggest spending a little time thinking about why you believe Valentyn is , and how that particular combination reflects his character.

But like I said, overall, I do like the character in general.

Thanks for posting!

Thank you for taking the time to read and criticise I see your points and will be taking steps to correcting the faults you've identified in subsequent drafts!

Now to discuss my thoughts on the points you've raised in the name of constructive discussion!

1) His background: Ah yes, I apologise for it being vague, I'm still putting together the plane itself!
2) No magical acumen: I always figured the spark was capable of manifesting in anyone. Farmer, politican etc. I thought it would make for a more interesting character (and more balance in storytelling) who is still learning his powers. Not that it helps him in the long run...
3) Planeswalker Power: The only planeswalkers I know of post-mending are those who actually have cards, who tend to be staggeringly powerful. And yes, he isn't a power mage.
4) HIs schtick: He's actually kind of a support/equalizer. He throws schemes and spells that affect everyone equally. So he'll damage enemies and friends alike, and randomly butt into fights to give the underdog an advnatage.
5) The colours: Colours are always a pain to figure out for characters - though Valentyn isn't a social darwinist, he does become slightly obsessed with strength (which I see as a green/red thing) after seeing what roams the Blind Eternities. Black is closely tied to death and sacrifice, things he is not keen on at all, whilst White is serving the greater good. Seems I was too subtle. The thing is Valentyn is justifying his own lust for power to himself by claiming it's for Vlastimir, when in reality he's liable to go back and try to seize power of it for himself. And greed for power is quite the green thing.

If it helps, my regular group figured out his planeswalker card abilities:
+1: exile target permanent then return it to battlefield under its owners control.
-2: Choose two creatures you control, and one you don't. Randomly determine one of those permanents to gain a number of +1/+1 counters equal to their power.
-6: Gain an emblem with "Whenever you tap a land for mana, instead add one mana of any colour to your mana pool."

Lore still to be added: His time on Mirrodin (where he sided with the Phyrexians), his time on Innistrad (where he supported the humans), him getting lost on Ravnica (dabbling in SCIENCE with the Izzet).

I'll get a more thorough examination later today, but I actually do have to mention something very very amusing that pings my overactive synchronicity, but I was JUST thinking last night how much I liked the name "Valentine" and how I wish we could find a place for that name on one of our characters.


There MIGHT be problems here. In terms of timeline, it mostly just settles with Mirrodin and Innistrad, but Mirrodin itself could pose a problem. A rather severe one.

What, Mirrodin causing a problem for a timeline? Ridiculous!

I've just glanced very briefly at the bio; I'll look at it in more detail tonight.

Mirrodin as in New Phyrexia. Which occured after Zendikar to my knowledge.

(Basically, he's been to the sets I've played )

Which reminds me, he also paid fealty to Mogis on Theros...

I am aware, but Mirrodin/New Phyrexia, is STILL possibly going to be an issue just given the nature of the world and the occupants there on.

I thought Phyrexian oil couldn't compleat Planeswalkers due to the Spark?

That was a false assumption that the fanbase was lead to, but no, Planeswalkers are not immune.
Venser, Koth, and Elspeth (and Karn by extension of Venser) were given their immunity from Melira when she was exposed to blinkmoth serum. Tezzeret managed to get immunity when he just... took some organs out of Melira and studied them.
However, that doesn't stop the Phyrexians from manually compleating a walker either, which they probably would if given half a chance. Tezzeret had something up his sleeve to keep them from immediately turning on him.

Aside from that, too, Mirrodin is a very small world. The Phyrexian hierarchy would probably be aware of a walker in their midst and attempt to use them in more productive manners.

Aaaah I see. And where does Nicol Bolas fit in? (because he fits in EVERYWHERE apparently)

I think he was pretty much what was keeping Tezzeret from going onto the meat tables so they could chop him up and reshape him to serve their own purposes.

Bolas wanted to slow Phyrexia's coalition under a single authority. That's why, last we heard, Tezzeret was looking for the door since Elesh Norn had conquered two other factions and was poised to start looking askance at the other two. (which amuses me to imagine her just looking at Jin and Vorinclex with that giant boomerang head of hers and asking "what do I keep you two around for again?")

Urabask has been conquered? A pity, I liked his casual flipping off of the other Preators. What's your source for lore btw?

http://archive.wizards.com/Magic/Magazi ... ily/ur/263
This talks about Elesh Norn's move

Aside from that, Quest for Karn and speaking with Brady Dommermuth when the WotC boards weren't awful.

And I've read most everything canon and just been around a while.

And I have to apologize for derailing the thread that is supposed to be about your walker.

You're welcome!


Absolutely! We love discussion around here, and (though I should have said this on the outset) remember that you should never feel like you have to substitute your judgment for mine or anyone else's. We're here to help, and we'll give our opinions and, ideally, our reasons. But ultimately, your stories, characters and planes are yours.


Like I said, it's not necessarily a problem. I would suggest that this dossier is not complete, but I mostly mentioned it in case you were not aware.


Well, yes, anyone can have the spark. The point is, though, that the spark doesn't necessarily grant magic powers beyond the ability to planeswalk. We do have some evidence to suggest that latent sparks heighten natural talents, be they magical, martial, or mental (or other, I suppose.) In the original Mirrodin novels, it was strongly suggested that (hidden for spoilers) Memnarch sent out the Levelers to kill the greatest warriors every ten years under the hope/assumption that the greatest warrior was the one most likely to have a Spark he could harvest. The implication, as I read it, is that the Spark enhances natural talent. Glacien of the Thran and his genius in artifice also supports this philosophy. So that's why, to me, it seems unlikely that someone who showed no magical ability in his pre-ascension life would suddenly gain it post-ascension. That doesn't mean it's impossible, though. Maybe others will weigh in on this issue.


Planeswalker cards are very powerful compared to creature cards, I grant you that. But you should see what they once were. "We were gods once..."*


being about death and sacrifice is technically true, but it's also something of a misnomer. Black is also the color of ambition and selfishness, two characteristics you have described in Valentyn. Admittedly, you mention his penchant for underdogs, which could only really be tied to if he used them to his advantage. Either way, I still recommend dropping , if you want to keep this description of him. Again, though, that's my opinion. Others may disagree with me.


While blink effects have certainly bled into , it is primarily a ability, which I suppose supports my original statement that he should be . The random +1/+1 counters ability seems out of flavor with him, considering he prefers to favor the underdog. It seems he's far more likely to give them to someone who already has the advantage. His ultimate is definitely , I'll give you that. From a card design standpoint, though, I would say that these abilities seem to have little to nothing to do with one another, and no synergy. By the way, if you're interested in card design, definitely check out the YMTC (You Make the Card) forum. They're a fun group, and we're always interested in more cross-forum stuff between us and them!


I'll let Barinellos explain why Mirrodin is a problem, because he'll do it much better than I would. I'll only say that official canon is self-contradictory with pretty much anything having to do with Mirrodin. My advice is to cut the Mirrodin thing. Obviously, you don't have to, but my personal opinion is that it's a can of worms that will end up hurting your character rather than helping him. Believe me when I say that not every character needs to get to every setting, and often, restraint is the hallmark of a good writer.

*To quote Agents of Artifice, by Ari Marmell. Pg 192.

Ah thanks

2) I like this plot point since it weighs in on his rivalry with the other planeswalkers set to appear in the story (which are all based around decks my group often use against one another, tailored to offer a balance of colours - Since a URB, URB, WR, G, W set of planeswalker would be unbalanced in a set...)

3) Oh I know they were once Gods. They kinda ruined things for everyone else as a result.

In which case, suggestions for alterations? The colours are kinda fixed on him so those can't be shifted. As for card effects, the planeswalker abilities were designed with one ability flavoured to a particular mana. The big thing here is that all the Vlastimir characters are based off playstyles and decks, and its me trying to fit a plot around it. Ideally, I would have him as a RBU walker (becuase Nicol Bolas rules), but that goes to the resident Vampire/Nemesis of Reason deck.

Generally, my understanding of the colours is: R - direct damage, speed, passion and enjoyment, thrills. U - Mind games, logic puzzles, temporal shenangians, the nature of magic itself. G - monsters and mana.

Two issues I have with the line about him on Zendikar:

One, the issue about mentioning Cthulhu in the setting of Magic. I mean, obviously the Eldrazi are influenced by Cthulhu at least visually, but Cthulhu itself is not part of Canon.

The second is the phrase "even when considering his own depth". I'm guessing that's supposed to mean the depth of his expeirence? It's not clear.



Likewise, I have issues with your bringing up New Phyrexia. The little you touch on it seems to me (as admittedly someone who didn't care enough to see into the story) completely made up for the sake of your own plot. The biggest issue being that Phyrexia in any form doesn't care what you are, they consume you and spit out a compleat being. They don't have "apprentices" and they don't teach people things.

I'd rather see the whole New Phyrexia bit stricken, as it's far too involved and problematic and I don't think it's worth trying to get it to work.



Overall, I'm feeling like there's too much focus on this 'walker being some untouchable engine of power-gathering. The bits of his dossier that deal with his faults seem downplayed and maybe a bit tacked on, since they only really come up toward the end. While not getting involved unless he's sure of his own safety sounds humanizing, it's important to remember to follow up on that, because so far you haven't provided much proof of that.

I also side with Raven in saying that your colors don't feel like what you're trying to paint him as. You say he's very aware of and averse to his own mortality, but that is quite a thing personality-wise, if not by magic. It sounds to me, based on your replies to Raven, that perhaps you haven't read MaRo's color philosophy articles? I'll link you to the Jund Week article, as it has links to his first five on the individual colors, his 10 on the two-color guild combinations, and the other four wedge colors during the Alara block. I haven't actually read his wedge color articles, but I feel having a good base idea of what each of the five colors philosophies are is a better place to start because you'll get a good understanding of how they mix and clash with each other. Good foundations and all that...



Typos:

Should be "'walking" (with an apostrophe), as short for "planeswalking".


Should be "its foes" (without an apostrophe).

Not to be that guy, but that word doesn't mean what you think it means

And once again, promise I'll get to this later tonight.
Though it might be in your interest, from a glance, to heed the color suggestion. I know you have plans for the colors, but you should REALLY not fixate on balance when actually considering characters. These are stories, not sets. Focus on the organic nature of the characters rather than trying to wedge them into colors that might not fit. It's a disservice to yourself.

Huh. I learned something new today!

I wonder how applicable that term is in this case, then? I... honestly don't know much about the Eldrazi's origins other than "trapped in the zendikons".