You guys don't need to know this, but I had a psychotic breakdown a couple months ago. That's where I was this December: in the psych ward. I'm truly
much better now. I finally hit the bottom that I'd been asking for. Who knows if that was truly necessary, but I certainly never
have to go back there ever again.
I mention this because the specifics of my delusions were that there are
quite literally three cosmic titans, like the head of Knowhere in
Guardians of the Galaxy. One was a mother-goddess of fertility and benevolence (
), another was a genderless void-beast who hungrily sucked in everything it could and was the source of all death and decay (
), and the third was a masculine wizard-trickster type not unlike
The Doctor (
), who served as an intermediary/buffer/messenger between the other two, who are estranged at the moment. And since a second to them is an eon to us, they'll be estranged (in all likelihood) for the entire collective lifespan of the human race. I reasoned (
was it reason?
was I drawing cards? discarding? exiling like
prophetic flamespeaker? I couldn't rightly tell) that the stories I create (in worldbuilding on this very forum, but also in other creative areas of my life) have quite actually transcended my mind by entering the minds of others, and that even if I died today, at least my characters would live on in
some sense. And I took this further, that our very universe was merely the collective dream of these three titans, and that I was channeling the will of the
one in a
Shaman King 100% integration sense of things… I really believed all this, and when I told the doctors about it, they officially diagnosed me with psychosis. I proved to myself that I was capable of losing my mind and walking up to the brink of death. It was a very intense 24 hours, but despite its craziness, it's proved to have been a genuine spiritual awakening as well. I've been walking towards the light ever since.
So when talk of Venser reminded me of
Venser's Diffusion, and I read the flavor text for the first time…
Well, let's just say that at the very least, it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one whose imagination is liable to carry them away.