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 Post subject: [Story] Shell-Shocked
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:04 pm 
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Hello, everybody!

So, I wrote this story a little while ago, and now seems like as good a time as any to share it with all of you. As always, comments are welcomed and appreciated!

Enjoy!

Shell-Shocked


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:17 pm 
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As the kids might say, I'm totes gonna read this!

(Would the kids say that? For that matter, do the kids read anymore. Sigh... I made myself sad...)

Looking forward to this -- thanks for sharing, Raven!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 4:24 pm 
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I see Keeper browbeatconvinced you to write this, so I'm somewhat amused.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:24 pm 
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@Orcish: Thanks, and Enjoy!

Barinellos wrote:
I see Keeper browbeatconvinced you to write this, so I'm somewhat amused.

Hey, Keeper had nothing to do with this...Well, very little to do with this...Well, he had something to do with this...Well...

Okay, joking aside, Keeper did help by talking me through some stuff and reading over the piece, for which I am very grateful! Thanks, Keeper!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:26 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
I see Keeper browbeatconvinced you to write this, so I'm somewhat amused.

Hey, Keeper had nothing to do with this...Well, very little to do with this...Well, he had something to do with this...Well...
Pull not the Orwellian overlord's leg.
Quote:
Okay, joking aside, Keeper did help by talking me through some stuff and reading over the piece, for which I am very grateful! Thanks, Keeper!
Well, if he wants to share his thoughts on the piece again, I'd be interested in seeing them.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 7:53 pm 
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I'll have to take time to type them up then. :) But yeah I was just sort of a beta(fish) reader so I didn't really contribute anything here :P Just provided some thoughts about... well, you'll see when you read the story why Raven talked to me :P

Actually for a while he wanted me to write it. Kinda glad he wrote it instead because A. it actually got written ha ha and B. I actually like the way he handled things fairly simply whereas I would inevitably have really overcomplicated it with alien biology and stuff no one cares about basically


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 4:41 pm 
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Well, this one put a big, goofy smile on my face. Are you sure you aren't going soft, Raven? :)

Seriously, this is a little bit strange, but I'm having a hard time articulating specific reactions to this story beyond a very profound, very warm, very happy feeling. This is the sort of story which doesn't get told much, and I think you did it beautifully. Thanks so much for sharing this one, Raven!

One part I have to mention, because of the wry smile it got from me:

“I have learned that some waters feel more like the air above the surface, and swimming there required little more effort than floating does here. I have learned that some worlds have no merfolk, some have no folk of any kind, and some even have no seas or oceans!”

“Impossible!” Mordis said, his head snapping in Ethas’s direction. “No seas? How can a world survive without seas?”

Ethas shook his head. “I asked that very question, but those of that world looked at me like I was mad, even after I explained what an ocean was. Imagine, having to explain what an ocean is!”

I couldn't help but imagine Gale reading that passage, and then just nodding her head solemnly in agreement...

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:10 pm 
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Yeah I thought of Gale immediately at that point too :D


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:18 pm 
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Admittedly, there is some evidence that I'm not a good person. For instance, as I read those last two comments, I couldn't help but imagine Ethal winding up on Gale's home plane, and then immediately planeswimming to wherever Gale is. Gale senses native waters on Ethal's scales and asks her where she came from, but Ethal doesn't know how to get back there, either...


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:22 pm 
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Raven your taste for sadism never ceases to amaze and horrify me :P You are the master of sad headcanons


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:35 pm 
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Raven your taste for sadism never ceases to amaze and horrify me :P You are the master of sad headcanons

Have I ever told you my theory on why Kirsh likes cheese?

Trigger Warnings


Kirsh's backstory


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 12:07 am 
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Admittedly, there is some evidence that I'm not a good person. For instance, as I read those last two comments, I couldn't help but imagine Ethal winding up on Gale's home plane, and then immediately planeswimming to wherever Gale is. Gale senses native waters on Ethal's scales and asks her where she came from, but Ethal doesn't know how to get back there, either...

And then they both end up on Phostus!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHAHAAA!

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 2:29 pm 
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@Keeper: Yeah, if you had written this, it would have been a much different story. No value judgment there, of course. But we both know it would have gone in some VERY different directions. Also, I feel I would have learned more about the fish-half anatomy of merfolk than we did here...

:D

@Orcish: Glad you enjoyed it! If you're concerned I'm going soft, I suppose I could rectify that by sending Raiker after more of your characters. Unfortunately, we know that Raiker tries to avoid worlds the Duchess has her hands into, and apparently that means that both Jackie and Beryl are currently safe from him. Hmm. This is one devil of a problem. Well, maybe half a devil of a problem...

:laugh:


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 3:07 pm 
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You might still get to experience that if I end up writing for this character ;)

I think the biggest difference is that I'd describe this as fantasy and what I would have written as being science fiction.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 3:36 pm 
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You might still get to experience that if I end up writing for this character ;)

I think the biggest difference is that I'd describe this as fantasy and what I would have written as being science fiction.

Also, you might have had fewer puns...


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 12:22 am 
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@Orcish: Glad you enjoyed it! If you're concerned I'm going soft, I suppose I could rectify that by sending Raiker after more of your characters. Unfortunately, we know that Raiker tries to avoid worlds the Duchess has her hands into, and apparently that means that both Jackie and Beryl are currently safe from him. Hmm. This is one devil of a problem. Well, maybe half a devil of a problem...

:laugh:

...

...

...

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!

(Run, Tryst! Run! :cry:)

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 12:25 am 
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...

...

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!

(Run, Tryst! Run! :cry:)

I think Tryst could handle herself.
But it isn't Tryst that Tryst has to worry about....

_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:38 am 
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I cast a quick vote already, but I wanted to make sure my comment on this was seen.

I want to preface all of this by saying that I'm divided on your choice of title. On the one hand, It very much fits in your usual style, and in retrospect it works well. On the other hand, I had totally expected a story of Tr'skl (I hope I spelled that right) or at least of turlefolk, and I think you may have wasted a perfectly good title on something distinctly lacking turtles.

Now that that silliness is out of the way, I want to say that I loved your use and exploration of language in this piece. The little touches like "planeswimmers", their voice being "long" rather than "deep", and in general getting very much into the mindset of a merfolk simply made this piece. I loved hearing other planes being described by a merfolk in an believably alien and yet strangely familiar way, especially because it made me think about how unique a perspective we as humans on Earth to be able to talk about oceans in such a way. I also took notice of the naming convention and I thought that was used to good effect to convey a suitably alien yet understandable culture.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:22 am 
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@Luna: Thanks for reading!

re: Turtles: I don't want to wax poetic here, but turtles are souper sources for clever puns, and if I need a title for a story about one, I'm sure I'll come out of my shell, stick my neck out, and shell out the necessary creativity for it. I might pin a bunch of ideas on notecards to a bulletin board and pull them down as I need one, although I don't want to tear-a-pin...

:D

re: Merfolk: I'm glad you liked the Merfolk! This story started with the idea of a Trans mermaid, but I knew it would need more, especially the way I was doing it. Funny story, as I was deciding to write this, I was talking with Keeper, mostly about how Ethal would reveal her secret to her family. Then I said, "how would she talk to her friends?" Keeper gave me a very thoughtful answer about the sort of things she would say and how she would phrase things and how they might react, to which I responded: "That's great, but I mean, how would they talk...underwater?" Admittedly, I sort of set Keeper up with that one...

In any case, I spent a lot of time thinking about how voices might carry for Merfolk, and I settled on this. I was pretty happy with the result, and I'm glad you were, too! The "long" and "short" voices required a little bit of research into sound waves to verify what I thought, but I feel it was well worth it!


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