Title: To The Ninth Depths
Author: Phantom M
Status: Public
Word Count: 2008 words


-{Author's notes}-
Sequel to At home in the Unknown, enjoy~!

---Change Log!---
9 Dec 2014 - 00:46 (+8 GMT)
Edited on sentence structures.
Yet to proofread (guilty!)
*Added New Segments!* - (After arrival on Island - 2 Sections after the draft)

10 Dec 2014 - 15:16 (+8 GMT)
Word Count fixed
*Additional Segment!* - (Prequel? 3 Sections before the draft)


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Today is the day, the day where an envoy departs on a mission to the City of Aucanfall.

"Oh Arudyn my dear girl, we will miss you" said my grandmother.

"And I you, grandma" I hugged her, forcing back tears.

She was the one who raised me, since my parents were usually away. Grandma have always been a gentle soul, a nurturing figure. She had never once raised her voice at me, rather her teachings came across to me as fables. Her healthy dark skin assured her presence upon my return. Despite her age, grandma's practice with mystic herbs had kept her in good shape.

The village of Akshar have always been traditional, our preferred ways of communes revolved around nature and the spiritual. Never through laws.

My father works as a shaman doctor in the faraway Isle of Rivona. Whereas mother devoted herself to solitary enlightenment.

This upbringing had set me apart from rest of the children I grew up with. They had parents picking them up after lessons conducted by the village gurus, while I returned home by myself. I was of course no exception in that matter.

As I exited the hut which witnessed my birth, a tall handsome man stood right outside; ready to escort me to the cities. Jevaik, a childhood friend, now my assigned guide for the journey by the gurus. We were close, but never romantically involved.

We greeted with an open hand on the shoulder of the other, followed by a solemn nod. A traditional greeting which symbolizes our bond with one another and nature. We were after all, the children 'without parents'.

"Ready?" he smiled.

"Let's be on our way" I returned a smile.






Leaving the luscious forested waterfalls behind, we let the river banks guide our path. All settlements are connected by the waters, be it cities, villages, islanders or nomads. Navigation was never an issue, but the same could not be said for foreign visitors known as planeswalkers.

Aucanfall was within a day's walk from Akshar. The path of the river provides clarity, as long as we travel in the day, danger is unlikely to fall upon us.

The travel was introspective, neither of us spoke, yet we knew what each other was thinking. As friends, we are linked with one another by an unseen link between our hearts. That has been the way for us Akshar natives.

Jevaik is worried about my safety, for I was never good with people. While my concerns were for myself, he had easily picked them up as our pace harmonized. We both felt that something was out of place, why was I chosen to be the envoy?

Questions without answers dove at me. If I were to emulate the flow of water, I would swim through the ordeal of uncertainty. Unfortunately, I was unable.






We had to stopped by a hill to refill our vials; enjoying the warm evening winds. The view before us sprawled with low grass and dirt roads, leading toward the outskirt of Aucanfall.

Be it day or night, the element of waters shall always be with us. Jevaik and I raised our right hands the our left shoulder, signifying our temporary parting, if time allows, we shall meet again.

"Take care" We said, simultaneously.

I turned to walk the last stretch by myself, the structured confinements of Aucanfall was within sight. I reached into my satchel for the papers to prove my purpose for entering the city, such hassle.






"Ah.. how calming the sea greets me each day" I whispered, could not help but to feel pensive under the sunset.

I called upon water droplets in my surrounding to form a convex veil before my face. After holding it in place, I created a concave veil layered before the convex. It was told by the elders that this formation would allow me to see further than the naked eye allow.

"Hhnnn!" I gritted my teeth as the mist before me falls apart.

The will to try again quickly diminished as hesitation tugged at my ankle. It's always the same, I give up too easily.





"Tomorrow is always ahead of you" I awoke to my little mantra.

I never quite knew what it meant, but it has became a subconscious effort of mine. Since my early years, I have been mediocre at best in spellshaping classes. In a village with strong roots in hydromancy, I am just a face in the crowd.

My room was the same, a cozy little straw hut meant to house a single guest. My visit to the city of Aucanfall was not taken as seriously as I would like. After all, I am a representative from Akshar.

Idling chatters from outside tingled my ears, I heard my name being mentioned. I never liked hearing my name.

"For sure we got an expendable, Akshar would never send their best" a croaky voice said. Something about his tone tells me that he knows what goes around.

"Such a waste" an amiable voice replied, "she is a fine woman of foreign origins, I would really like to get to know her".

"Arudyn is our guest and operative" the hoarse voice chided, "Behave yourself".

'Expendable?' I frowned, finding the predicament simply ridiculous, 'but why me?'.

The shuffling of shoes came to a stop right outside the hut. Sensing that they were unaware of me being awake, I made no sound until they called for my name.

"Rise and shine, Arudyn of Akshar" the croaky voice greeted.

I counted to three before pretending to give a huge yawn. "Good morning mayor" I greeted.

Standing next to the prosperously fat man was a young man. He wore the most pretentious smile I've ever seen. They each dressed head to toe in aristocracy, such fashion never had its place back home.

"May we brief you on the way regarding your journey?" the mayor said, reeking a false sense of politeness.

"That will do" I nodded, going back into the hut to retrieve my belongings. I am known to travel lightly.

A light tap on my shoulder startled me, I turned around to face the smiling young man.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked.

"N-no, I'm fine" I stared at him squarely as I make my way for the exit.

That was outrageous, what did he take me for? I can very well take care of myself! That lecherous smile of his fooled no one. The elders back home told me to be wary of men of his kind in the cities.

We then made our way to the destination as planned. The mayor explained the details of the mission as we strolled toward the seaside. Nearing the horizon once again, I took in the familiar scent of the luscious coastline. Wherever I go, the ocean never failed to make me feel at home.

"Is that clear? Retrieve the fugitive and bring her back" the mayor repeated.

I could only nod sheepishly as I had once again find myself lost in my own thoughts. It tends to happen, especially when authoritative figures issue their boring instructions.

Stepping away from the diplomats, I stretched my hands to the sides in preparation. I spun my body clockwise on my in a slow dancing fashion, gradually bringing my arms to my core. Right before me, a seafaring construct solidified itself from water.

With a couple of audience behind me, I tried to knead the structure as best as I could. I did question my own intentions in doing so, for the city dwellers would never have a village girl like myself to be their sculptor.

"I shall be on my way" I said, trying to sound confident.

"Would it hold out?" the young man asked.

"It would" I turned around to give my best smile. It came across as forced, but a little sarcasm would be required.

"The descriptions are on this piece of paper, do not fail us, and we shall reward you handsomely" the mayor handed me a document.






The so called Haunted Isle was within sight. As described by the townsfolk of Aucanfall, the clouds roaming above had an eerie look. Even the waters surrounding the island felt spiritually poisoned.

Guru Ziman had recounted tales of such ocean during his youth, regarding his travels beyond Akshar for diplomatic missions. He was right about the vibes which these dark colored waters gave off, it ills my soul.

Propelling across the endless blue, I felt the cool sea breeze caressing my face. With a miniature wave, I accelerated my boat with the help of a windy push. It did not take long before the ominous aura of the island held me in awe.

"Wow..." I muttered under heavy breaths. Its presence is acting upon me, this sensation I felt, I know it all too well. To be honest, I would rather be toss into a cage with four hungry beasts, than to confront what lies beyond these dead trees.

I tried to close my eyes while muttering the words which always kept me calm, "tomorrow is always ahead of you". Surprisingly, the second part of my unfinished mantra restfully completed itself.

"But I am never far behind".






Jolted to my senses, I scanned the surrounding listlessly. My perception of time felt distorted, so was my memory.

The last thing I remembered, was me traversing into the dark waters. Yet here I stood before the lifeless trees, on the shores of the island.

'What happened?' I uttered, trembling.

Strangely a veil of numbness had masked my dread. An elusive fear slithered around under my skin, like an itch that can't be scratched.

I took deep breaths to calm myself. The study of hydromancy had paid off when it comes to composure.

'Adapt, be the water you wield' I chanted, and inhaled deeply.

'Detached, be formless and free' I continued, exhaling.

'Calm, for you are the storm' I smirked, loving this part of the chant.

'Seek, and answers shall follow' I finished, feeling a great deal better about myself.

We used to practice poetry and folklore lessons as kids. I was once again, an underachiever, but I took pride in my work. Whenever I find myself distressed, I would recite this mantra. It was the first and last piece I wrote.






As I treaded this diseased jungle, an unshakeable pressure crept around me. I had to swallow my fear every three steps I took.

'It looks creepy despite daylight' I thought to myself, 'hell! I can't imagine being here in the dark!'

Vivid imagination can be a double edge sword.

Suddenly, a wave of sickness spread through me. Without a source of direction, this mental pulse hit me like a swarm of lethal hornets. I was encased in an unbearable surreal sensation.

Within the swarm of dread was a voice speaking directly to me. An invasive telepath.

'Another visitor? This island sure gets much attention..' the voice said.

I was certain that this person hinted malice. What confused me was the nature of its voice.

It was definitely high pitched and delicate, but unmistakably male.

I searched the vicinity frantically. All that calming exercise was for naught. My adrenaline is kicking in.

'No... No.. You're just hearing things' he said casually, followed by a feminine chuckle.

'Who are you?' I inquired.

'Who? Do you mean, what?' he teased. A restrained snicker broke through, thinning my patience.

'Fine.. What are you?' I asked, expecting another ambiguous reply.

'A living being which never lived', it spoke solemnly, 'a figment of a cruel imagination'.

A pair of hands tightened themselves around my neck from behind. It didn't choke me, however I was unable to move nor cast spells.

'I am but a marionette of fate, like you, a performer in a play beyond my control' he finished.

A slow and solitary round of applause came from my right. Whoever cloaked by the shadows had decide to show himself. To my dismay, my head refused to turn.

Hi, Phantom!

Just a very quick word to thank you for posting, and to say that I am going to read this in the very near future.

Ditto this! Although, "very near future" for me might be several days, because I have a great deal of grading to accomplish before Wednesday. But I will read this, failing some major unforeseen event, by next week Friday.

I have read this, but I'm afraid I don't have a great deal to say about it. I think more so than your first story, this one feels like only part of a large whole. What I mean by that is that while your first story can stand on its own, this one seems to need what comes before, as well as what presumably comes after, in order to work.

I do think this has potential. Arudyn is potentially interesting, although I don't feel like we know a great deal about her yet. You do a decent job of hinting at some of the culture of the world and expanding on Aucanfall, which is nice.

You do still have many of the same problems from the first story, however, especially with the comma splices and fused sentences. Here's one I selected at random:



Both of these clauses on either side of the comma are independent clauses, and could stand alone as a sentence. There are numerous ways to fix this issue. You can split them into separate sentences, use a semicolon, add in conjunctions, or just make one clause a dependent clause with something like: "Standing next to the prosperously fat man was a young man, who wore the most pretentious smile I've ever seen." But you do this sort of thing a fair amount, so it's something to look out for as you write.

Anyway, once again, thanks for posting!

I, too, have read this piece! Thanks for sharing, Phantom!

I find myself saying this a lot, but I'll go ahead and say it again: Raven did a pretty good job of summarizing my own reaction to this story.

First, in terms of the plot, it feels like we're getting a tiny slice of a much larger story, but it's not the slice we need. Now, to be clear, there's nothing wrong with cutting a slice out of a larger narrative to serve as a story. That can actually be a really effective way to pique the reader's interest -- it can leave us wanting to know how we got here, or where we're going next. But, in order for it to work, the story slice needs to have its own, self-contained plot beats, separate from the larger narrative. It still needs to have conflict and a climax, for example. And that's kind of what I feel like is missing here. We don't really get a sense of what the conflict is -- it's clear that there's some funny business going on between Arudyn and the townsfolk, but we don't have enough information about who she is, or why she's there, or why the townsfolk might be sending her into trouble, in order to really grasp what the larger picture is. Similarly, as Arudyn approaches the island, we're getting hints that she's going to encounter a conflict there, but the story ends before it gets the chance to appear. So, in essence, I feel like we're getting a slice of the story that happens between two of the important plot beats, without really getting a good look at either one. That makes it difficult to feel invested in what's going on. My suggestion would be to expand the story to include either what brought Arudyn to this point, or to show what happens when she reaches the island -- or, ideally both. That will provide more of the dramatic arc that readers are looking for.

Second, in terms of language, I'll just reiterate some of the things I mentioned from your previous story as areas to pay attention to: sentence construction (Raven already talked a little about this), verb tenses, and clarity of meaning. I think you're encountering some of those same issues here, and, once again, a good, thorough edit will go a long way. My advice along those lines is to focus on clarity -- clarity is a prerequisite for effective writing, and it's almost always better to be clear than to be clever. In the same way that doctors promise to first do no harm, I think that a good principle in righting is to first be clear. From that base, it's always possible to layer things like tone, and imagery, and detail on top. But it pays great dividends to start with that solid foundation.

Anyway, I hope that you'll find some of those thoughts useful. Thanks again for sharing your story, and I hope you'll keep writing and revising.

Hi guys! Thanks again for the comments! Really appreciate it! :-)

I shall constantly remind myself about the clauses! It's a bad habit of mine to fill things to a brim, like a paranoid hoarder.

I agree with both of you about this post being a slice without dynamics. And my attempts to weave flowery words without much of a base.

I shall prioritize clarity over the garnishment!

As for the lack of build-up/conflict, to be honest, I was testing the waters. If the current excerpt is well-received, I shall stick to it and add on.

I will be adding more to this post via edit before Thursday. The idea is nagging at me right now!

Thanks for the feedbacks and critiques!

Really hope y'all enjoy the tale of Morique and Arudyn! ;-)