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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:03 pm 
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A few notes going forward:
1. This was originally made as an entry / act of trollery for froofroo's art contest in AF&S several months ago. That's why there's a horrible piece of art attached, and why the name ended up being On-W.
2. As it was my first foray into digital artistry, the portrait needs a lot of work on it for me to consider it good enough to include in a "votable" form.


On-W, the Beast

Portrait

Alternate link to Portrait

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 7:07 pm 
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:thumbsup:


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 3:20 pm 
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For a planeswalker that started out as a gag, this is pretty nice work.

His mana retention ability would mechanically be something like "your mana pool doesn't empty" or something like that right?

The bit about luring and devouring feels like it could be tweaked to seem a little less malevolent, since the first bit makes him seem almost villainous.

This is a weird character and I feel like you're juggling a lot of different stuff here but I also find the character intriguing...


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 4:26 pm 
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:thumbsup:

For a planeswalker that started out as a gag, this is pretty nice work.

Arigatou gozaimasu.

His mana retention ability would mechanically be something like "your mana pool doesn't empty" or something like that right?

Pretty much hit the nail on the head there. If I could have my way, I would have it represented by +1/+1 counters, where the ability read:
":g: add a +1/+1 counter to ~.
Remove a +1/+1 counter from ~: add :g: to your mana pool."
So that every spell uses actual bulk from the Beast.

The bit about luring and devouring feels like it could be tweaked to seem a little less malevolent, since the first bit makes him seem almost villainous.

To be completely honest, I partially modeled On-W after The Beast from a crossover pony fanfic with Changeling: The Lost (it's a board game, apparently). The character of The Beast in said story was very inspired by British/Celtic faerie legends, where it was very much malevolent but not prone to direct action -- acting very much as the Big Bad on the horizon. When I started making On-W, I let that bleed into its personality, of using tricky contracts to come out ahead; though I can see in retrospect that doing so may have skewed the scales toward "lawful evil" a bit more than I intended.

This is a weird character and I feel like you're juggling a lot of different stuff here but I also find the character intriguing...

I was actually having Raven look over the Forbidden Lore story, which I was using to explore this character, and in re-reading this dossier I was reminded why this character was so intriguing to me. The relationship with mana and the mindset of the character is enough on to give me ideas, though I have a horrible track record on following up.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 6:36 pm 
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This is an interesting character. I feel like it may come from the same plane as Marath.

Its modus operandi of murdering whoever happens to be the most important (or most in charge) of each plane does make it villainous in my book. Unless you didn't mean that it always literally eats people? Later in the bio you say that it often leaves opponents alive.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:20 pm 
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This is an interesting character. I feel like it may come from the same plane as Marath.

*does quick search*
*expands search*
*goes to magiccards.info*
*does google search*
*finds Uncharted Realms article*
*scrolls down*
Quote:
his shaman-ruled world

Nope.

Its modus operandi of murdering whoever happens to be the most important (or most in charge) of each plane does make it villainous in my book. Unless you didn't mean that it always literally eats people? Later in the bio you say that it often leaves opponents alive.

I feel I didn't communicate that well, then. The way I see it, due to its appearance it can't just go right up to some position of power and demand to be given their secrets; and I imagined On-W would know this. It's not out to destroy civilization, but looking for the most powerful so as to make itself stronger. If you've seen Dragonball Z, think of it as Vegeta, post-Namek saga: Wanting to prove itself as the greatest and most powerful, so it seeks out strong opponents, but it oftentimes sees those that can't give it a challenge as too pitiful to be allowed to live. It thinks itself above the less powerful.

Also, when I said "consume", I meant that more metaphorically; that it absorbs spells and powers to become powerful -- though I suppose eating defeated opponents wouldn't be out of the question.




See, this is why I had initially held off posting this in the first place; I feel I cannot properly represent this character which so intrigues me without having stories to its name. I can't seem to properly communicate just what it does in the dossier alone. I still thank everyone for their feedback, though. I might update this at some later date, if and when I ever finish some stories attached to it.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:34 pm 
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See, this is why I had initially held off posting this in the first place; I feel I cannot properly represent this character which so intrigues me without having stories to its name. I can't seem to properly communicate just what it does in the dossier alone. I still thank everyone for their feedback, though. I might update this at some later date, if and when I ever finish some stories attached to it.

But see, that's why posting things like this is so important. I mean, yes, I prefer stories to dossiers personally, as you can see from how few of my characters actually have dossiers, but getting feedback on this kind of thing will help you communicate those kinds of things better.

One thing I find so interesting about this character is the way it straddles the line between beast intelligence and (for lack of a better term) human intelligence. I mean, it has the intelligence to lay out complex traps and schemes to get what it wants, but its drive, motivations and even basic morality seems to be extremely bestial. Actually, it seems to be completely unconcerned with morality; it is only focused on an extreme sort of survival of the fittest.

Hmm. Actually, now that I think of it, it would be very interesting to see On-W interact with Clade...


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:48 pm 
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One thing I find so interesting about this character is the way it straddles the line between beast intelligence and (for lack of a better term) human intelligence. I mean, it has the intelligence to lay out complex traps and schemes to get what it wants, but its drive, motivations and even basic morality seems to be extremely bestial. Actually, it seems to be completely unconcerned with morality; it is only focused on an extreme sort of survival of the fittest.

See, that's one thing that just fascinated me as I was making the character: I started with needing to draw it, so I chose "beast" since it was my second-best anatomy-wise after dragons, and a dragon planeswalker seems kind of clichéd, and of course I had the name. Once I added the dash of fae contracts, everything else just seemed so natural to the point that, it was only after I had amassed many of the final points in its personality that I realized "this thing is greener than green".

Hmm. Actually, now that I think of it, it would be very interesting to see On-W interact with Clade...

I'm actually seeing it as a one-way fight towards Clade, with On-W left with its tail between its legs, to go off to lick its wounds (both quite literally). I haven't had the time to properly visualize On-W's power level or method of interaction, though, so that's something that may change.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:56 pm 
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Hmm. Actually, now that I think of it, it would be very interesting to see On-W interact with Clade...

I'm actually seeing it as a one-way fight towards Clade, with On-W left with its tail between its legs, to go off to lick its wounds (both quite literally). I haven't had the time to properly visualize On-W's power level or method of interaction, though, so that's something that may change.

Well, Clade is an oldwalker and, from what we've been able to glean, pretty danged powerful. But I'm less interested in an actual fight between them as I am to see their reactions to one another. I mean, with On-W wanted to grow continually stronger, it's probably exactly what Clade is looking to cultivate. It's likely how On-W would react to Clade that would cause problems...


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 8:14 pm 
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Oh, hey it's this guy!

Yeah, pretty cool stuff here. I think I commented on On-W before when you were still in early conceptualization, Luna? Maybe. I'll go ahead and give my two cents now anyway (such as they are).

The first cent: Interesting, unique, and easily explained. This is the sort of refreshing brevity that I like to see in new characters. Not every aspect here needs to be explained, and On-W does not suffer for it. The name keeps throwing me, though - how do I pronounce it? Just for personal reference.

The second cent: Lots of interesting story points from this one, and not a lot of background. It's a good showing - really opens On-W up for later expansion. Would love to see the beast in a story.

All-in-all, not bad. A few of the things (as discussed above) could use a bit of clarifying, but I definitely like the character and would love to see something come about from On-W.

@Clade: Yeah, actually, what Raven said. Clade would probably respect On-W's desire for strength, though I'm not sure Clade would be inclined to relinquish many of his secrets to the beast. Clade is an emotionally and morally complex character (aren't we all) but there is a simple rule for interacting with him:

If you aren't willing to face the storm, do not face the troll.

Now, if On-W were to somehow present himself as capable (a monumental feat, in Clade's eyes) he may be more interested in cultivating the beast as an ally - sort of like how Nicol Bolas is ensnaring Planeswalkers, I guess. Except instead of for various, nefarious, and unexplained purposes, Clade would put trade wisdom/power for assistance in his ongoing campaign against "The Coming Storm".

Anyway, thanks for posting, Luna!

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 9:48 pm 
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Remind me to stay out of this fella's way!

(Eh, who am I kidding? I'm so far down the power scale, it'd never get around to bothering to hunt me. Protected by my own ineptitude! I always knew it would come in handy some day!)

Anyway, I generally don't comment much on character dossiers or planes, just because they don't click in my brain the way that stories do. But I just wanted to say thanks for posting this, Luna! I like seeing different takes on 'walkers, and this certainly fits the bill.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:32 pm 
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Oh, hey it's this guy!

Yeah, pretty cool stuff here. I think I commented on On-W before when you were still in early conceptualization, Luna? Maybe. I'll go ahead and give my two cents now anyway (such as they are).

The first cent: Interesting, unique, and easily explained. This is the sort of refreshing brevity that I like to see in new characters. Not every aspect here needs to be explained, and On-W does not suffer for it. The name keeps throwing me, though - how do I pronounce it? Just for personal reference.

The second cent: Lots of interesting story points from this one, and not a lot of background. It's a good showing - really opens On-W up for later expansion. Would love to see the beast in a story.

All-in-all, not bad. A few of the things (as discussed above) could use a bit of clarifying, but I definitely like the character and would love to see something come about from On-W.

Heh, thanks. I guess I've kinda been getting myself down? Like, I still really like the character as I see it, but I think maybe I'm overthinking it? I'm still fairly certain that the character in my head isn't going to be seen properly until it has some stories attached to actually see how the personality quirks play out.

For the name, I've been kind of imagining it as the middle bit of someone with Rorschach-level of gruff saying "hogwash" -- like, "On" as in "turn on", and kind of just the "wa" sound at the beginning of "one" -- but you're free to invent your own way of saying it. Keeper, who helped with conceptualization, gave me the idea to drop the name from "On-Wu" as a meta-level move to convey just how not-human it is that even its name is difficult to pronounce.

Oh, and, just for the record? This is like, barely touched up from the version I submitted to froofroo's contest; I just decided to finally post it because I was reminded how much I liked the character.

Remind me to stay out of this fella's way!

(Eh, who am I kidding? I'm so far down the power scale, it'd never get around to bothering to hunt me. Protected by my own ineptitude! I always knew it would come in handy some day!)

Anyway, I generally don't comment much on character dossiers or planes, just because they don't click in my brain the way that stories do. But I just wanted to say thanks for posting this, Luna! I like seeing different takes on 'walkers, and this certainly fits the bill.

I wish I could say that I enjoyed figuring out how a beast would interact with planes, mana, etc., but as I already said, things just kid of fell into place once I had two little things decided. I really do want to see what it is like in On-W's headspace, though. Like, what was its life like at home that made it this way? How does it interact with children or innocence? How does it interact with the lands, and what kind of "contracts" does it enter into with people?

--------

Re: Clade & On-W:
Hm... I'm still not convinced it could end well for On-W. I mean, what little glimpses we see of On-W's homeworld looks to be completely consumed by wilderness anyway, which seems to be the way Clade likes it; and it doesn't appear that On-W is much interested in leading any other plane, maybe? I guess it remains to be seen.


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