In a plane connected by strands of aether to the lower Dominia complex, lies the world of Bromelia, shaped like a flower with petals of mana sorrounding a rotund planet.

Nobody know how old Bromelia is, not even Bromelia itself (you can ask the petals if you want. All of them hate you), but based on the ether formations that resemble roots beneath the petals, it is speculated it was formed sometime after the chaotic matter that exploded over there.

Anyways, Bromelia's core, called Bromelia Seed K108, is a large planet with three major landmasses, which are large archipelagos in the midst of a turbulent ocean of pink, extremely delicious candy. They are Iustitia, Taraneela and Amasia. (Bold, italic and underline not necessary, but grammatically more accurate, and considered a sign of proper respect by the local religions)


Long ago, there were sixteen archipelagos on the planet, filled with several bizarre creatures and characters. Sometime ago, however, four of them were exploded, one had an asteroid impact (the asteroid came from the petal), another two commited suicide, another one went on vacation and never came back, another one achieved enlightment and the remaining were probably destroyed by the planeswalker who created Phyrexia or the Eldrazi or something. As a consequence, everyone on the plane is terrified of what will happen to the remaining archipelagos, but try their best to live meaningful and happy lives (otherwise the petals will kill them, because they would feel guilty if their subjects lived in terror).


As you might have guessed, the whole plane is quite chaotic. To impose some sort of law, the petal decided to create seven holy Archons by having sex a platonic kissing fest with the other petals, and now they rule the plane with an iron fist, killing all who do not at least pretend to be happy and peaceful. The petal, also compassionate for the suffering of the people, created other deities to try to free the people by enlightening them and making them become one with Bromelia, something none of the Archons took kindly to.


As a result, there's a war between the Archons and the nature deities over the fate of the people, trying to make them have happy lives, in spite of only creating suffering and misery.



Archons


Yeldamaoth, aka Lion-Face


The first of the Archons and leader of the gang, he resembles a snake-bodied lion with a blindfold of lead, decorated by skulls and chains loosely connected by broken defibrilators. He is seriously deluded, thinking is is the only God and that the petals are figments of his imagination. As such, he rarely, if ever, participates in the holy wars, spending most time either sitting on his throne (while constricting an actual lion), occasionally descending to provide happiness to the unfortunate. In spite of this, he is the single most popular of the Archons, having temples everywhere on the plane, and he isn't complaining the least, largely because he is only dimly aware of this. He apreciates fine beverages and waterfowl meat, especially if you cut the wing muscles and fry them like bacon. He can be summoned by the enn "Tasama laris sanai Yeldamaoth", but this isn't advisable if you aren't willing to pay him with food, money or sex teddy bears. If you are, he will grant up to 34 wishes, depending on the quality of your food, the amount of money, or how much of a good lay your teddy bear is.



Iaohweh


The second of the Archons, he looks like a 39 year old man with white hair and beard and a blindfold made of tin; he rides a giant eagle with two heads, one that dictates the holy law and another that tells anything not holy. He is venerated as the god of civilisation and justice, and works as a judge and executioner. He is by far the most beloved, though not most popular, of the archons, as he rights wrongs and kills lawyers. He is also a very powerful force on the battlefield, but he preffers to right the wrongs of the common folk to fight. He can be summoned by reciting his name like a mantra until you loose consciousness; he will protect you from harm for three days.



Sabanmanthaios


The Archon of war, who fights directly against the gods and anyone who incites his wrath. He looks like a senior teen boy with blonde hair, a blindfold of iron and riding an orange ram with a look of lust and depravacy gore and violence on its face. He is both widely loved for his services and sexiness and widely hated for destroying everything in his path and having awful pick up lines. Still, he does have enough of a conscience to avoid either and preffer calmness and solitude in his many temples across Iustitia. He can be summoned with the enn "Furcasalarios Sabanmanthaios", but he will either destroy your house or try to seduce you in the most idiotic ways imaginable, and if you try to bribe him to go away, he'll just come back every Tuesday.



Astaphanalos


The only female Archon in Bromelia, she looks like a 20 year old woman with brown hair, a copper blindfold, green clothes and always riding a hyena with a head in the place of the tail and butt that speaks eldritch words that lead 13 year old males and 15 year old females to insanity. She likes to cultivate gardens and sing with the birds in a dance of dark misery and depressedness, and has been used by the other Archons as evidence that they too can care about nature, a fact seldomly believed in. The masses think of her as either as a delusional hippie or as a naïve hippie. She has 3456 temples, most of them in Taraneela. Legend says she once killed a forest god by shoving a severed tail from a sky god down its throat and have blossom into a thousand frogs inside the forest god, but everyone thinks it was a lie made by Astaphanalos to get people to give her a purple fedora. She can be summoned with the enn "Astaphanalos tasa lirach on ca ayar"; if you summon her, she will decorate your bathroom with poisonous plants and anthropomorphic hyenas that you find sexually platonically attractive.


Adonaysol


The "Sun Archon", who is the most powerful of the lot in terms of raw might. He looks like an anthropomorphic jaguar with a gold blindfold that rides a giant azhdarchid pterosaur with seven heads that vomit healing potions. He flies around the world, providing illumination and life, and exorcising demons and bad thoughts. He has most of his temples in Amasia, as everyone in Taraneela and Iustitia hates him. In return, he doesn't mind "accidently" causing first degree burns on bystanders when moving across those nations, which often earns him reprimands from the other Archons. He can be summoned by the enn "Ganic tanasa furbin Adonaysol", which guarantees healing and enlightment, an utterly destroyed house, or both.


Elohaios


The Archon of perfection, he looks like an androgynous emo teenager boy crying tears of quicksilver in joy and riding a snake made of ice constantly rolling the brilliant moon-like eyes. He lives excusively on a small set of islands between Amasia and Taraneela, called "The Islands In Which Wisdom Flows Like The Drops Of Amrita Into The Throat Of The Pink Elephant That Lives A Thousand Miseries And Dies A Thousand Loves", or TIIWWFLTDOAITOPETLATMADATL for short, each island having three temples: one for supper, one for sleep and one for teaching arts and crafts. His contribution to the war is minimal, preffering to teach in all arts, but especially pottery. Most residents have a "meh" opinion of him. He rarely gets called to participate in any war, except when Yeldamaoth intervenes, in which case he is called to entertain him. He has a friendly rivalry with Sabanmanthaios, Elohaios being the only entity which does not incite pitiful pick up lines, but elaborate poems of romantic might. He can be called by the enn "Hernich Masalos Elohaios"; he is the most pratically useful of the Archons, granting all information known.


Horarios


The Archon of the rising Moon, he lives in the night sky and descends every Monday to sleep on a street lamp. He looks like a 19 year old vedic man with hair so white that it causes human eyes to explode, and that wears silver sunglasses. He rides a blind falcon with rheumatism that longs for the day Bromelia is destroyed. He hates Adonaysol, to the point that he attempts to kill or bugger him every once in a while, forming spectacular eclipses that set the entire world in darkness (other than wherever the other Archons are, since they all glow with light) and attract demons and undead abominations that take residence in people's kitchens, which die once Adonaysol' light returns. He is loved by all females and hated by all males, because he created pseudo-menstruation, a state of the mind in which one thinks that the hands are oozing dead sperm cells for three days every month, and felt only by 13 year old boys. He also claims the souls of the dead, which he sends to the petals after three years in his own hellish dimension. He can be summoned by the enn "Horarios ramec viasa on ca". He responds by having a normal chat with you, and helping your psychological problems.



Other supernatural entities


As previously stated, there are many other deities, all enemies to the Archons. Most of them are aligned, but deities from other colours gradually began appearing. Most of them want either to enlighten the masses and take them to the Nirvana that is union with Bromelia, or just to screw with them literally and figuratively.


The Heusos


The dawn spirits or "preps", they want to convert or kill as many souls as they can. They take the form of fair angelic elves that follow Adonaysol silently, pretending to be his heralds (he never bothers to look down from his chariot, so he is unaware of them). They have a cult everywhere where Adonaysol is unpopular, as they are popular where he isn't and hated where he is. They can be summoned by a simple prayer on a candle or other light source.



The Dehnu


The river spirits, who take the form of merfolk or elves with seapunk clothes. They live everywhere where there is freshwater, hating the sea and it's raw passion. They enlighten humans by appearing in their dreams or by offering their services as witch doctors, forcing enlightment via mind altering substances disguised as cures. They are forbidden to practise their craft by the death and enslavement of their patients, but they are so efficient that an entire black market has formed around their services.


The Yemo


The death dealers, of which Voldemint Bombodil Thomas Brown was the mightiest. They live in swamps, caves and poorly lit rooms, and answer to all impure thoughts. They usually preffer to take the appearence of fruit bats or black wolves, usually with poser clothes (a favoured trick is to paint rooms black after painting them pink green first). They collect all souls Horarios or other entities don't get, sending them straight to a hellish dimension where all sorts of hedonistic indulgence take priority. Then the other spirits can send the souls to enlightment. They are known to not be very scary, even when they kill people.


The Perkwunos


Lightning spirits that live in the mountains, they don't care at all for their missions and decide to act like the forces of nature they are. They usually take the form of lightning monkeys or hellions, with the occasional dragon mixed in. Irrational as they are, everyone hates them, even the petals. They and the Yemo are the primary targets of exorcism.



The Peoples of Bromelia


There are four five major sapient races on Bromelia: humans, goblinoid-elfoids (known as the gmetir), merfolk, aven and zumbies. Other races, like leonin, rhoxes, loxodons and vampires, became un-sapient, which is not the same thing as being non-sapient, but done by the Archons anyway. Their souls are what every divine being is fighting about.


The one culture


Because everyone is consumed by fear and misery after everything that's happened, they decided to band together. Gradually, the cultural osmosis caused all traits of the individual cultures to disappear, especially as the Archon Iaohweh took direct charge of the law. Everyone is meant to live in peace and harmony without any discrimination, or else they are executed.

Architecture is defined by rotund or petal-like supports, made pratical by using magic. Metal and marble are the primary building material, as wood burns easily because the Archons and the Perkwunos hate it, and raw stone that isn't marble spontaneously melts because it wants to explore the world by itself. Regional variations occur, but differences are constantly checked and harshly penalised. At least four distinct rooms are forced to exist in each house, as is plumbing, which is usually aided by the plantation of cleansing bromelias. There is no sincere distinction between settlements, other than the number of houses. Special buildings like temples, hospitals and theatres are made to resemble flowers, with doors/windows at the base of every petal. You are expected to "have an adventure" by climbing the petals.

There is only one language, which is defined by it's utter flexibility and unorthodox grammar. Rather than special adorning characters, you are expected to bold, underline, strikethrough or italicize characters. There is no consistency in regards to how to apply this, but it is usually thought that bolding = emotional pronunciation, italicizing = honest pronunciation, striking through = deceiving pronunciation and underlining = unemotional pronunciation. Understanding the language and its grammar is instinctual to the natives, and so they quickly learned who is a planeswalker and who isn't.

Ethics are based on maximum happiness and joy, both of the self and of the group. Otherwise, morality is extremely flexible and there are no specific standards. Worship of the Archons and of the other deities is more pragmatic than anything, as everyone both seeks to derive happiness from them or to not be murdered violently.


Humans: They come in colours, but most focused on and secondarily on it's enemy colours. They are more chaotic than humans from other planes, but they retain a degree of sanity that makes them feel somehow isolated from the rest of Bromelia. They are frequently in charge, something that is both very easy and very hard in a world where few other beings have ambitions and consistent thought processes.


Gmetir: Focused on and They are the race most at ease in the chaotic world of Bromelia, and as such abhor the Archons for their obsession with order. Thankfully, as Bromelia starts to take a hold on the Archons' sanity, they prosper once more.


Merfolk: Focused mostly on . These merfolks hate the open ocean and preffer to live in dirty freshwater, especially swamps. Still, they have to take baths for the common good, something they feel really angsty and depressed about. They reproduce by laying eggs and throwing them in the swamp, hoping some deviant fertilizes them. They also have a love for the undead and horror stories.


Aven: Focused mostly on and it's ally colours. Bromelia's Aven look like tinamous, meaning they spend most of their time on the ground. They are declared the official kill joys, as they love order so much that even the Archons are becoming disilusioned with them. Every Aven goes through a ritual called "Eucatastrophe" when they reach puberty, which is basically marriage to order; reproduction is considered a necessary evil, as it is considered cheating on order. Daily whippings are common, and it's frequent to see Aven with plucked and bloody backs and wings.


Zumbies: Focused on and its enemy colours. Basically the non-specific undead of Bromelia, only they're not actually dead, but everyone thinks they are. They are mostly in a perpetual state of vegetative contemplation, longing to be something they can never be, which is to be nurses. They can't and will never be nurses because the petals guilt trip them into not being nurses.