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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 4:54 pm 
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Raven of the Many Keeps Theater Presents: BREAKING FORM! A story collaboration extravaganza!

Spoiler


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:00 pm 
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If you didn't pick it up from the title, this is a collaboration between me and RavenoftheBlack that I've been bashing away at for the past few months. He reached out to me with the first section as a pitch, and I added the setting and the central macguffin. This marks a pretty significant move in Raleris's overall story, and it's one that I wouldn't have hit on on my own, so I'm super grateful to Raven for providing this opportunity to explore a story development that to me feels very surprising but also very intriguing, and, as the climax will suggest, one that makes quite a lot of thematic sense.

So, thanks, Raven, for making this collaboration possible!

And thanks to the rest of you folks for continually spurring me to write. I wouldn't have had the temerity to finish this up, since writing stories tends to be kind of an agonizingly slow process for me, if it wasn't for all of you encouraging me by the example of your fine work.

And thanks to Raven again for being so patient with me despite my snail's pace.


Also here have some spells:

Spoiler


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 6:24 pm 
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Excellent... Now you can begin to be MY SLAVE! BwahahahahahahahaI'mdonenow.

I'll get to this at some point, likely later tonight, but I promise it'll be before I leave this weekend.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:06 pm 
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Well, this is just all kinds of fantastic. Thanks, Keeper! I'm really excited to see this all coming together. This is, as Keeper said, another in my series of collaborations. Collaboration for me, by the way, apparently consists of me writing one section of a story, completely unsolicited, and then sending it to other people and guilting them into writing the majority of the story (and the good bits, too!) Now, I'm not saying this makes me a hero, but...

Anyway, in all seriousness, I really like this story, and Keeper did some really amazing stuff with a character we knew very little about going into this. I likely have some things to say about this piece, but I'd like to give other people the opportunity to read it through themselves before I get into all of that.

If you didn't pick it up from the title, this is a collaboration between me and RavenoftheBlack that I've been bashing away at for the past few months. He reached out to me with the first section as a pitch, and I added the setting and the central macguffin. This marks a pretty significant move in Raleris's overall story, and it's one that I wouldn't have hit on on my own, so I'm super grateful to Raven for providing this opportunity to explore a story development that to me feels very surprising but also very intriguing, and, as the climax will suggest, one that makes quite a lot of thematic sense.

So, thanks, Raven, for making this collaboration possible!

And thanks to the rest of you folks for continually spurring me to write. I wouldn't have had the temerity to finish this up, since writing stories tends to be kind of an agonizingly slow process for me, if it wasn't for all of you encouraging me by the example of your fine work.

And thanks to Raven again for being so patient with me despite my snail's pace.

Some snails are faster than others...

Anyway, for whatever small role I played in this, and in getting Keeper writing ;), I am very happy and proud. There are a ton of things Keeper did in this piece that I absolutely love, and I am overjoyed to have been a part of it.

Plus, it's always fun to see Raiker show up and do his thing!

I caught a few typos (at least two of which were my own) which I shall endeavor to illuminate forthwith:

Typos


Excellent work, Keeper. Thanks again!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:11 pm 
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Second to last error should be "it almost GLOWED with the omnidirectional blue and green light."

And thank you again :) Really glad that you think I did your characters justice.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:47 pm 
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32pq83orhwke.nvpzofiujgn;af

Why? Why do you taunt me? I am at current a week ahead (assuming Check and Checkmate go up for vote next week), but I still need to get on things like Between Two Worlds, not to mention the extra stuff that did get accepted that I haven't read (nor uploaded), not to mention all the other stuff that's been practically neglected done by relative newcomers (I'm staring awkwardly in Heliosphoros's direction).

With less embellishment: I really do want to read this*, but I'll have to put it kind of down on the list right now.

*for many reasons, not least of which being that A) it's a Cyrea story** and B) you guys wrote it.

**For one, it's great to see Sertaria gaining some stories, for two, I have been thinking of making a cycle of stories for each continent, like how Tevish did for Adrisar.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:57 pm 
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Well I've got two out of five continents down, myself, and some hints at stuff on Faskeria, so I'm well on my way to a full Sertaria set :D

This was actually going to go up yesterday but I couldn't quite pull it off, since I basically wrote the entire last section over the last couple of days.

I wonder if ANYONE is going to read this but Raven :P


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:02 pm 
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I wonder if ANYONE is going to read this but Raven :P

Hey, I intend to.

For once I actually don't have any heavy work going. Just... building stuff rather than writing it.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:16 pm 
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Well I've got two out of five continents down, myself, and some hints at stuff on Faskeria, so I'm well on my way to a full Sertaria set :D

That actually kind of worries me, since because of recent talk, and the fact that Sertaria is labeled "open", I've been thinking of somewhat retconning Gentev mostly, in the same way you did with Valjan.

I mean, Cyrea is supposed to have apocalypses (apocalypsi? apocalypso? [and now all I can think of is a world-destroying calypso event]), so that one isn't that hard; and I've actually been fairly captivated by Faskeria for a long while, but I've never been able to complete anything.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:19 pm 
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That actually kind of worries me, since because of recent talk, and the fact that Sertaria is labeled "open", I've been thinking of somewhat retconning Gentev mostly, in the same way you did with Valjan.
I'm all for it if you feel like it.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 10:25 pm 
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Yeah Gentev could use some fiddling for sure and Afresa could use fleshing out, I'd say. Faskeria to me feels fairly fully realized.

Also I thought a bit more about the actual wording of the guide, and I stand by my assertion that the continents should make it difficult for even visitors to the plane to draw upon off-color mana. At least, that seems to be a reasonable interpretation of the idea. Certainly, creatures as weak in spellcraft as the Timmerians would have a lot of difficulty, as only powerful mortal mages and planeswalkers can break through those dulling effects, according to the guide.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 8:41 am 
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I wonder if ANYONE is going to read this but Raven :P

For the record, I am going to read the ever-loving stuffing out of this. :)

I have an ambition to read this and catch up on WotW some evening this week, as life permits. And I am very much looking forward to it.

And thanks to the rest of you folks for continually spurring me to write. I wouldn't have had the temerity to finish this up, since writing stories tends to be kind of an agonizingly slow process for me, if it wasn't for all of you encouraging me by the example of your fine work.

Keeper, yours is a genuine and unique voice. You're a wonderful writer -- anytime you put pen to paper, it makes my life better, for one.

Don't doubt your talents. They are many, and getting to share in them is a simple pleasure.



EDIT: Didn't get to this one last night. WotW had me all tuckered-out. But tonight, barring some unforeseen disaster!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:43 pm 
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Well, well, well. This was a fascinating little number. Thanks so much, Keeper, and thanks so much, Raven. I enjoyed this a bunch.

There's a whole bunch here that I'm a big fan of. I really like the kind of wary, verbal jousting between Raiker and Raleris. You can really sense both men parsing the other's words, reading between the spoken lines, looking for the hidden angles. I think that interaction is very well done. Similarly, there was something very striking in the scene where Jade catches the fish. There's this kind of quick, intense pivot from her exultation in this very naturalistic, very instinctive act to the very artificial, very dehumanizing horror of literally seeing a piece of herself break off. The effect is very disconcerting, and it's a really effective, really fascinating moment.

Plus, let's be honest. If I didn't say that basically every single thing involving Basmea the Terrible Sheep was just about the greatest thing ever, then I would be a horrible liar.

There's something about the juxtaposition of your two writing styles which also interests me, and which seems like it adds to the piece, even if I might struggle to articulate why. Keeper, I've been really taxing my brain to try to come up with an adjective for the way you use language, and I keep failing. The word "impressionistic" comes to mind, but I don't think it's correct. There's something about the way the story dips a toe into that style, then back into Raven's "metered" prose (if you will), and so on, and so forth, which I really found myself enjoying. The whole feels greater than the sum of the parts.

(I hope that I haven't offended with either descriptor. I intend them both as compliments.)

I confess that I had a tough time wrapping my head around the dream sequence the first time that I read it. But, going back through it a second time, with the knowledge that it was this kind of layered dream experience, I found it a little easier to follow. And I assume that some of that kind of slipperiness is the intended effect.

Finally, this story also has what may be my favorite typo of all time:

Quote:
Pausing here, Jade glanced around briefly and listened for the sounds of any fursuit.


Given Jade's unique condition, the irony is pretty great.

Anyway, thanks so much for posting!

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:36 am 
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oh my gOD I FORGOT I PUT THAT TYPO IN AS A JOKE I WAS GOING TO TAKE THAT OUT BEFORE POSTING IT AKLAKJK J JKHDKJHF FHFDKFJ

The Raiker/Raleris scene was all Raven, and it's what he sent to me that kicked this off, basically. :P How could I say no to that starting point? It was too good.

I'm really proud of the whole jungle scene but the fishing scene in particular is very meaningful to me. I sort of ended up dumping a lot of my own feelings recently of dysphoria and discomfort in my own body into Jade here, but Raven suggested we keep somewhat external to her, having her sort of a statuelike obscure presence, so I was trying to basically capture in the description of her movement and her interaction with the environment the sensation of being made suddenly, horribly aware of your embodiedness within a body that you feel alienated from.

Really glad to hear that it worked.

Thank you so much for reading and for the comments :)

(Hm, "impressionistic" and "smooth" [based on a comment Ruwin made to me]... I like that description of my style. :) )


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 2:15 am 
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Hey guys, sorry I didn't manage to finish this before I had to leave, but packing ended up taking up more than I meant to.
I got about halfway through and I intend to... well reread what I already read and finish it once I get back.

But excitingly, I will have you know that there are elements of this which have inspired me in some really interesting ways already.
Anyways, I look forward to finishing it on Sunday.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:13 pm 
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Hive Mind + Epic Spells is probably one of the meanest things I can consider doing in a multiplayer game. Right up there with the Pacts.
Sorry, I just had to interject that when I was going through the story since there was all that talk of spell vitality.
Man, I actually sort of wish Epic were more of a thing... sorry, getting off track.
note to self: build story around Epic Spell.

Anyways, I enjoyed a lot of this story! Admittedly, there were aspects of the dreaming which I found more interesting than others, but part of that might honestly have just been trying to integrate with Jade's identity. Regardless, the dreaming does make me want to see more done with that sort of set up.

In other news, I won't lie to "wonder" if the academy might not have roots that run deeper.

There was a lot of imagery involved with this one, in general, which has really stirred inspiration somewhere in the substrata of my consciousness. Overall, this story really has provided a lot of interesting springing points, albeit, I will admit, for largely unrelated things, but that in itself, I think, speaks to how interesting the story is, even if thoughts tend towards the tangential threads thriving through the tale.
(SO MANY T'S. High five guys!... nobody? Don't leave me hanging!) ((I'm in a weird mood at the moment.))

Also, Raven, have you ever considered making a Venn diagram?

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:37 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
(SO MANY T'S. High five guys!... nobody? Don't leave me hanging!) ((I'm in a weird mood at the moment.))

~High Five for MOST EXTREME ALLITERATION CHALLENGE!~

Barinellos wrote:
Also, Raven, have you ever considered making a Venn diagram?

I think about it pretty much every time I write a Raiker story...


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 10:58 pm 
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Really glad you liked it man :D

Also you'll note that the card I designed to represent the spell is, basically, Epic plus Hive Mind :D It took me a while to figure out how to get that to work and frankly I'm rather pleased with the implementation. It's probably janky as hell but it's just the kind of thing that makes the Timmy/Johnny in me super happy.

Glad you liked the dreaming bits. I wasn't sure whether those would be meaningful to anyone that wasn't me, and they'll probably need some tweaking in the next draft.

What bits didn't you find interesting?

I <3 writing description. I'm considering figuring out a way to just... write a bunch of descriptions and add those to the archives, because I do love doing it.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:07 pm 
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Really glad you liked it man :D

Also you'll note that the card I designed to represent the spell is, basically, Epic plus Hive Mind :D It took me a while to figure out how to get that to work and frankly I'm rather pleased with the implementation. It's probably janky as hell but it's just the kind of thing that makes the Timmy/Johnny in me super happy.
Well, I mean, that was obvious, hence why I interjected. Still, I feel like Epic itself has a lot of conceptual space to work with still.
And quite frankly, those pieces of art were amazing.
>sigh< Kamigawa had so much interesting conceptual space completely screwed over by being put together in the same spot.
Quote:
What bits didn't you find interesting?
It's not that I didn't like them, it's just that I thought there were more interesting parts to it. But really, part of that really did come to the fact that I found Jade's real name to be a repeated stumbling point. There's nothing to be helped with that, but it just threw me out of the narrative.
Quote:
I <3 writing description. I'm considering figuring out a way to just... write a bunch of descriptions and add those to the archives, because I do love doing it.

I think it's pretty obvious that I do to.
OTP <3

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:29 am 
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Oh, what didn't work with the name? I mean obviously it's kinda...

....

...
...

...

set in stone at this point

but I'm curious anyway. I guess I've just been taking it for granite, but I've always thought the name was marbleous.


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