Mm, yeah, some of that I definitely did not pick up on--the movements of the Missing Pieces mostly and who orchestrated what things.
I continue to be intrigued by the Liar though and his own ongoing schemes.
I think the term for this is 30 Xanatos Pileup, no? ...Oh wait I just checked and now it's called Gambit Pileup because TV Tropes is basically complete and unmitigated watered down horse **** now. God I hate what they've done to that place. Remember when it was actually interesting, snarky, occasionally baffling, and anarchic? The days before everything had to be all polished and super accessible and they ripped all discussion of porn and erotica off the site, I mean. Ugh.
Sorry. That was all totally irrelevant.
Anyway, yeah, some of the other stuff... it seems like I've been an unattentive reader, essentially. I should probably go back and read all the Jakkard stories oh wait I'm going to have to anyway for the anthology nevermind I'll wait till then I guess. But yeah, it'll probably make more sense emotionally on re-read, I suspect.
Anyway, yeah, some of the other stuff... it seems like I've been an unattentive reader, essentially. I should probably go back and read all the Jakkard stories oh wait I'm going to have to anyway for the anthology nevermind I'll wait till then I guess. But yeah, it'll probably make more sense emotionally on re-read, I suspect.
In other news, I have at least 2 other Jakkard stories that I'd like to do, but I don't feel up to at the moment.
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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost. Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind. To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"
So, I haven't kept up with the Jackie's full story, but I decided to read this anyway, because I have resigned myself to the idea that I will never be able to keep up with everything you guys keep writing. I simply do not have enough time. So I just decided to read this even without knowing the full background, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the scene were Fisco tells Jackie why he became Ol' Smokey, and it is really touching that you didn't want him to say that. It is a mark of expert storytelling when the characters do things the author didn't want them to do.
Now that this poll is officially over, it's time to congratulate Aaarrrgh for designing Hill, which has been decided by popular vote to be the Card of the Month for October 2013!
Now that this poll is officially over, it's time to congratulate Aaarrrgh for designing Hill, which has been decided by popular vote to be the Card of the Month for October 2013!
Joined: Sep 22, 2013 Posts: 5701 Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
So, I finished reading this about two days ago, and have had a mixture of forgetfullness/busy-ness keeping me from posting my response.
I want to say what I've already told Raven: if I had to describe this in a single word, that word would be "brilliant". You brought a physical reaction out of me, which you will shortly see in my spoilered comments. I include below, in the spoilered section reviews, only my running notes which I wrote during my reading; as such, it is rather incomplete and, in fact, lacking an overview of part 5. I intend to come back soon (after I'm sure I've read everyone else's comments) to give my impressions on the piece as a whole, because I don't feel that what I already have written down does this piece justice.
For part 1
In this line:
Quote:
There were not many things, in the Multiverse, that Fisco feared.
I feel that firs comma is not necessary. It creates an unnatural pause in the reading that the line itself doesn't really call for.
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Nicely done putting a timestamp on Fisco's visit in relation to the last story.
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I just want to say that this line:
Quote:
“I’d heard she’d started shooting up any demons she could find - was planning on thanking her for thinning out the competition.”
Put a new spin on that moment in Blood on the Tracks where Jackie counts "one". When I had read it before, I thought that was some kind of count for how many demons she had killed, though now I'm thinking it was the number of bullets she used in that particular foray.
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Typos:
Quote:
There was another tense silence as Fisco felt the Duchess’ gaze upon him.
This was brought up during the RtR expansion and "Rakdos's", the possessive for a name, even one ending in s, should be 's.
Quote:
He knew Mal Lucy were using the place as a center of operations,
Should be "Mal and Lucy" or Mal & Lucy".
Quote:
Fisco could only remembering seeing it once before.
Should be "remember".
For part 2
I just want to mention how masterful a portrayal I think you pulled off with Jackie. Just the line "I don’t like leaving a job half-done.” fits her so well, I can't even communicate how well.
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I'd like to point out, though, that Lucy had almost everything to gain by lying. Do you really think that, if Lucy actually had taken and/or killed Trotter, that saying she didn't know would save her from... whatever death demons go through and/or whatever torture Jackie could bring herself to do? Well, maybe the torture, but the death wouldn't seem likely. It's not like Lucy would believe Red-Eyes would just let her go if she led her to Trotter. It's just a moment that didn't seem believable to me.
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You know, for a moment I thought "maybe you wouldn't look an acridian in the mandible for health like you would a horse," but then as I thought of it, I realized "these are Fisco's thoughts. A planeswalker's thoughts. Of course they're going to default to more common terminology and then correct it based on the plane they're on." I'm not sure if that was intentional or not, but I think it's kind of brilliant in its own way.
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Typos:
Quote:
The darkness the said marked her from birth.
Should be "they said".
For part 3
Oh. Oh man. That got me. A whole flood of emotions, of memories old and new, of sympathy and empathy, of anger and compassion, of Jakkards forming and its rise, they all chose to come out through my eyes. Fisco mentioning Cosette to Jackie. Why? Why must you do this to me? Jegus, when was the last time I literally cried from a story? I think maybe when I read The Keepers of Dicord, which would have been... Maybe 9 months ago? That was heavy.
For part 4
Let me just take this time to compliment you on your pronoun/name/adjective choices. I really took notice on how expertly you switch between ways of referring to the different characters, especially Jackie and Fisco. It's something that really adds to the experience rather than sticking out.
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Toward the end of this part, two things occurred to me. The first is that it was entirely possible Jackie's story was over, and that seeing the last if her filled me with melancholy sadness. The second is that the title of part 4 is really off when compared to the titles of the previous three. For one, unlike the other parts, the title is not a direct line but more of an inference. For two, it gives much more of the upcoming content away than any of the others. In my opinion, I think "Judgement" would make a much better title for part 4, because of the deaths of the kidnappers, of Jackie's musings, and of Fisco's interactions with both Trotter and the Duchess.
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Typos:
Quote:
He glared at Jackie as she began to protest. Jackie, Diana, Dazie, Sharps - we’ll need a distraction.” Hush-Hush…”
Missing the opening quotation marks, and it seems that the first quotation marks are misplaced.
@ Luna - I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story, Luna! This one gets me a little misty, too, so I totally understand where you're coming from. I think the way Ruwin put together Part 3 is just masterful in that regard. It just hits these really heavy emotional chords, but in a way that feels very natural as opposed to constructed. There are plenty of other parts which also get me right in the feels, but that one is pretty spectacular.
On your comment about Lucy having a reason to lie to Jackie, I think you're probably right.
I think that, inside Jackie's head, she thinks that Lucy wouldn't bother lying because Lucy would know that she's going to die either way, and that the only question is how much Jackie is going to hurt her in the process. Lucy can die cleanly if Jackie thinks she's telling the truth, or she can die badly if Jackie thinks she's lying. I don't think Jackie is thinking that Lucy might expect to survive the encounter, and I think that she assumes Lucy would prefer a clean death to attempting to provoke her.
Of course, Jackie turns out to be wrong on both counts. I think that you could see that before she could.
_________________
"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green
I have a few more things to type up today, and then I have to work on packing up the backroom in anticipation for my store's closing on Wednesday. I was wondering if anyone would like to put this up to vote for me so I can focus on those other things? I'd really appreciate it.
Man, I thought I'd caught all those typos. Go figure. -__-
I'll address your comments in the order that you made them!
@Part1: I felt the timestamp was important for some stuff that's going to happen later, and it helps me reconcile a bit with the massive reality-altering story that is WOTW. The kinks will be easier to smooth out once we see all the pieces, so we'll tackle intense timeline stuff later.
@Part2: Ahaha, yeah, Fisco's sense of humor has always been really dry and subtle, and most of it comes out in insults, sarcasm, or not at all. Some of his funniest stuff, in my opinion, is written by Raven. Still, this particular line is sort of Fisco just having a laugh with himself - no one else would really find it funny!
@Part3: This was really the center of the piece (the centerpiece, if you will. [booooooooo]). I mean, it's about Jackie and her struggle with her nature and instincts, obviously. About reconciling who she is and she wants to become. About NOT becoming the jaded, cynical person that Fisco is - because for all the smoking Fisco does it's not like there is a lot of fire left in him - and so, I had to draw parallels. I mean, Jackie and Fisco both KNOW the dangers of having people who are close to you. You get them used against you.
We already saw what Fisco was driven to when Cosette was killed.
I'm convinced Jackie DeCoeur would have caused more damage. Because - Unlike Fisco - she has nowhere else to go, no other life to live, and no resonant depression to drag her down off the high of her anger.
Chills, man. Chills. Glad we avoided it.
Part4: Well, thank you! Juggling this many characters is difficult. Luckily, it's a diverse cast!
Hmm... You may be right about the title. I'll look into it.
I have a few more things to type up today, and then I have to work on packing up the backroom in anticipation for my store's closing on Wednesday. I was wondering if anyone would like to put this up to vote for me so I can focus on those other things? I'd really appreciate it.
Joined: Sep 22, 2013 Posts: 5701 Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
Small thought dump, since I still haven't read all the comments yet:
As I moved toward the end of this story, I was filled with ideas to make it into something. By which I mean, I thought of trying a dramatic reading of this story, and I thought of creating (or spearheading the creation of) a Jackie Anthology. The latter would paint a great picture of Jakkard itself, since it would absolutely have to start with Down to the Valley and Two Bullets and a Pocketful of Hate, but it would undoubtedly center around Jackie. I might not be a whiz with art choices like Keeper is, but I think I could quickly get enough resources together to at least make an ebook out of it.
The point being, this story, besides bringing about that earlier physical/emotional reaction out of me, brings Jackie's story around so completely, so greatly, that it fills me with ideas.
Something I know I didn't comment on is that, pretty much as soon as Trotter got those tickets, I knew how this was going to end. That's not to say it wasn't fulfilling, but there wasn't the kind of tension that part four was supposed to have instilled from Jackie's shenanigans. At that point, it was less about the destination and more about the path taken to get there; and you two carve a brilliant path in glittering crystal.
Something I know I didn't comment on is that, pretty much as soon as Trotter got those tickets, I knew how this was going to end. That's not to say it wasn't fulfilling, but there wasn't the kind of tension that part four was supposed to have instilled from Jackie's shenanigans. At that point, it was less about the destination and more about the path taken to get there; and you two carve a brilliant path in glittering crystal.
You're too kind, Luna.
To your point, I think you're correct. I don't think there's that much uncertainly about what is going to happen by that point in the epilogue. I think that basically everyone will have intuited that Jackie faked her own death, and that she's waiting for Trotter. My hope was just that, while we're inside Trotter's head, he doesn't know what we know, and his personal emotional arc as he goes from completely shattered to daring to hope to actually seeing Jackie again is credible. Again, as I've said elsewhere, I just *can't* be objective about that particular section, because I get way too emotionally wrapped-up in it. But I hope that it more or less works.
For myself, anyway, I tend to lose it at three specific points. I tend to lose it when Trotter looks at her picture in the newspaper. I tend to lose it when Trotter is on the train and thinks: "More than once, the thought crossed his mind that this might be an elaborate trap, that he might be walking into danger, or even going to his death. But, in the end, he decided that didn’t really matter much. If it was a trap, then she was dead. If not, then it meant there was hope. Either way, he reckoned, he would be seeing her soon." And I tend to lose it when Trotter sees Jackie and falls out of the cart trying to get to her.
God, I'm a hopeless softie...
To your other comment, I think we have enough material at this point to do a really wonderful Jakkard anthology, if we want to. Between Ruwin's stories, and Raven's poems and stories, and Tevish's story, and Barinellos's story, and all Keeper and Lunar's art, and other stuff which I'm sure I'm forgetting (Ack! Sorry!), it would be an awfully good collection.
_________________
"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green
Yeah, a full collection wouldn't be too hard to pull together now. If we opened it to ALL the Jakkard material we'd both have enough to fill out a real big anthology, and we could send out a call for new stories as well from non-M:EMbers. It'd be more involved than just collecting all the Jackie stories but I would loooove to have an anthology based on one of our planes.
Yeah, a full collection wouldn't be too hard to pull together now. If we opened it to ALL the Jakkard material we'd both have enough to fill out a real big anthology, and we could send out a call for new stories as well from non-M:EMbers. It'd be more involved than just collecting all the Jackie stories but I would loooove to have an anthology based on one of our planes.
Totally. I mean, just based on what's in the Archive now, we have:
Two Bullets and a Pocketful of Hate All In Centaur Wine and Noggle Ale Down to the Valley Ol' Smokey Comes Three Duels at Dawn The Rail-Runners Love and Theft Red Eyes Louder Than Words Red Jackie Stare Down the Basilisk Foxtrot Wild Card A Moral Compass The Sincerest Form of Flattery An Angel Blinked Blood on the Tracks
PLUS all the art.
I mean, that's a really super collection already. And there's always room for more.
_________________
"And remember, I'm pullin' for ya, 'cause we're all in this together." - Red Green
For the record, I still have at least one more Jakkard story in me right now, but other things have taken priority, in part because I'd have to scratch up some characters.
_________________
At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost. Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind. To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"
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