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 Post subject: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 10:15 pm 
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Here is my latest poem, written at the request, and with the help, of our esteemed and terrifying M:EMperor Barinellos! (If you didn't hear the thunder clap just there, you're doing it wrong.)

Enjoy!

Sands


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:16 pm 
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This is so great.

I love all the short Vasilias stuff happening recently. It's such a great expansion of his character.


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:49 pm 
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Not a fan of the "grains of sand" metaphor.

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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 7:50 am 
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@Keeper: Glad you liked it!

@CKY: Sorry you weren't a fan!


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 11:12 am 
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Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird.

I stayed up late last night playing Destiny.

Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book!

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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:41 pm 
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Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird.

I stayed up late last night playing Destiny.

Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book!

Thanks, Ruwin! Glad you liked it!


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:03 pm 
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Hey, yeah, that's pretty cool. I imagined a whole bunch of Planes as grains of sand and it was all like, zooming out MIB style. Then I pictured Vasilias as Will Smith and things got weird.

I stayed up late last night playing Destiny.

Anyway, this was a cool read, but as always, I'm bad at critiquing poetry outside of the apparent. It evoked quite the image, though, so that's a success in my book!

You are now imagining an ancient Lich Lord getting jiggy wit it.

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To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:47 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
You are now imagining an ancient Lich Lord getting jiggy wit it.

Somehow, it seems like that might be dangerous for a Lich. Shake it like a Polaroid picture, and you might shake a limb loose or something.

Anyway, Raven, I'm always such a huge fan of your poetry, and this is no exception. There's something very evocative to me about the idea of trying to hold on to sand with withered, skeletal fingers (not saying that's literally how Vasilias would look -- it was just the image in my head), and how the absence of real, live humanity makes it impossible. Very neat.

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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 9:54 am 
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...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image...


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:38 am 
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...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image...

I'm going to choose to believe that the image you are referring to is Vasilias shaking his moneymaker.

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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:45 am 
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...if I ever get some spare time I may need to paint that image...

I'm going to choose to believe that the image you are referring to is Vasilias shaking his moneymaker.

That was my understanding... :D


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 2:06 pm 
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Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum.


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:06 pm 
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Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum.

It's Schrodinger's Zombie Cat.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:10 pm 
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Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum.

I think I can help out here...

Spoiler


You're welcome! (Or I'm sorry, whichever the case may be.)


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:20 pm 
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Oof.

Just oof.

That one really hit you out of nowhere.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:14 pm 
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I kept waiting for the punchline but all I got was a gutpunch D:


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:18 pm 
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I'm sorry...

mostly...


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:20 pm 
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It might be worth reposting that in the long story short thread for the sake of preservation. I think it's definitely as solid as the other entries there.


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 5:23 pm 
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It might be worth reposting that in the long story short thread for the sake of preservation. I think it's definitely as solid as the other entries there.

I'll probably do that. I'm not overly comfortable with microfiction in general (comfortable in the sense of writing it) but I have a few I've thought up over the last couple of weeks that I might post over there fairly soon. I should probably put that Raiker Venn piece in that thread, too, since it sort of kicked off this whole thing.


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 Post subject: Re: Sands [Poem]
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:33 pm 
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Well now that you've all understood it that way clearly I cannot do anything other than create that image! You've locked me in. It's quantum.

I think I can help out here...

Spoiler


You're welcome! (Or I'm sorry, whichever the case may be.)


I really, really, really love this one.

I've been thinking for a little bit that with all the micro-fics with Vasilias recently, that it might be a good idea to compile them into a mini-anthology to put up for vote at an undisclosed date.

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