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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sun Aug 31, 2014 12:47 am 
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I'm not sold on Limus as the name of the Eighth City because it means "slime" in Latin, and makes me think of "lime" in English. I suggest dropping the name entirely.
Honestly, I just sort of slapped the name on there, so I'm not attached to it at all. I feel like it DOES need a name though, even if everyone just calls it the Free City. At the very least that name needs to be an artifact of when it was under a demon king. Open to suggestions there. I was leaning towards french influences.
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The writeup on the humans is ok, but it feels very bare-bones. Never mind the history: what is day-to-day life like? What sets it apart from our world? This is the important part for anyone who wants to write a story set on this world.
Well, in terms of the city bound humans, there's... not much to say. They live regular lives, nothing special normally. They are too small to bother with for the demon courts, more like abstract currency/credit than anything. I might expand a little bit to talk about the humans in the military, but I don't know.

The nomad specifics, I would imagine, vary from tribe to tribe, but the day to day isn't that interesting either. The humans are sort of bare bones, to be honest, because so much of their life is more dictated by what other things do than what they do (and you don't have all that information yet). They're survivalists, they live bare bone lives. The exotic landscape notwithstanding, I sort of want people to use Earth as a baseline for their understanding of the human habits. The struggle to eke out a life isn't all that interesting without knowing what else they are up against, but that much information would inundate people and people would put off reading it.

With all that in mind, their history and values were a lot more important to get out there than their day to day survival.


As an aside, the next few entries can come in any order, so I'm going to put it up to a vote. Choose a color:
Green
Blue
Black

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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Tue Sep 02, 2014 7:39 pm 
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I'm kind of digging the humans, myself. I do enjoy nomads (actually did an independent study on historical nomadic societies in College) and I like their conflict that comes with them defining what "free" means to them. And the Free City is pretty cool, too, although I think I agree that it could use a stronger name. Still, good stuff.

[EDIT] - I vote, umm, black. Why, not.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:47 am 
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I know I should maybe possibly wait just a little before posting the next update, but since these aren't too large, I hope it won't impact that I'm going to go ahead and throw the next one out there. I mean, I got two responses. Aside from Keeper, who has a totally valid reason for not catching up right now what with the move back to Canadia, that's probably about half of the attention I'd normally get anyways, right?

Well, going ahead:
Cinders, the fallen Elementals

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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 8:34 am 
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I actually did read the humans bit but I didn't have a chance to read it. I like where this is going, though I agree with... CKY? Arcades? that the humans feel rather thinly sketched. The Free City is fascinating as a setting.

The Cinders look good, though to be honest I think their origin story is way more interesting than their like present day existence to the point where I suspect any story that heavily featured them would kind of have to make use of the myth SOMEHOW. But that's ok. It's a great myth. Really cool stuff there.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:17 am 
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I actually did read the humans bit but I didn't have a chance to read it.

:ookay:


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:27 am 
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...I need to get more sleep.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 1:37 pm 
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I actually did read the humans bit but I didn't have a chance to read it. I like where this is going, though I agree with... CKY? Arcades? that the humans feel rather thinly sketched. The Free City is fascinating as a setting.
Well, I feel I've acquitted myself of the reasons there well enough.
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The Cinders look good, though to be honest I think their origin story is way more interesting than their like present day existence to the point where I suspect any story that heavily featured them would kind of have to make use of the myth SOMEHOW. But that's ok. It's a great myth. Really cool stuff there.
It does inform a very large part of their culture so I don't mind that. I wanted to play on the concepts of original sin pretty heavily here, taking elements of Eve and Pandora.
It sort of comes down that I've favored outlining history and goals in designing the world, letting that to lead to conclusions about what their lives are like, mostly because there aren't sharp geographical differences in culture.

...I need to get more sleep.
Yes. Yes you do.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:07 am 
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This is another update that should probably wait for more feedback, but I at least got Keeper's take on the Cinders, so I'll plow forward regardless.
So, I give to you, low range red:

Devils


That descriptions seems oddly familiar, doesn't it?
Spoiler

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:14 am 
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Cinders and devils are both very cool. I'm curious about blue and green creatures in this world though!

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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:21 am 
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Cinders and devils are both very cool. I'm curious about blue and green creatures in this world though!

Oh, the answers to that have already been sown in earlier entries, but it shouldn't be too long before I post those as well.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:01 pm 
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I kinda forgot I was thinking of doing a thing with Kashius >_< Actually now I'm not sure that story idea is so great anymore... But on the flip side, I like Kashius as a character so I wouldn't mind him returning to the ranks.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 4:18 pm 
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I really like the Cinders' creation story, and it fits well with the world as a whole. The Devils are interesting, but for some reason, their section reads oddly to me. I'm not sure I can point to exactly why, though.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:52 pm 
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I really like the Cinders' creation story, and it fits well with the world as a whole.
Thanks. I think they mesh really well, and honestly it was tough to come up with a meaningful black characteristic to fill there, since Vampire wouldn't have worked worth a damn and black has a serious dearth of alternatives. Zombies are going to be notably absent from Phostus.
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The Devils are interesting, but for some reason, their section reads oddly to me. I'm not sure I can point to exactly why, though.

I think I can shed a little light onto that. The reason why is because even though they are an intelligent creature, they aren't actually a culture. As a result, they're more of a kind of "side feature" to the actual structure of the world. More window dressing than substance.

Mostly I just wanted them there so that Keeper would be able to appreciate Kashius a little more.

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To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 11:39 pm 
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Since CKY expressed an interest in seeing blue coming up next:
Amphin, the Secret Keepers

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


Last edited by Barinellos on Sun Sep 07, 2014 1:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 11:47 pm 
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I am really loving the fact that you've basically refracted the Biblical Fall across multiple different species.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 11:51 pm 
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I am really loving the fact that you've basically refracted the Biblical Fall across multiple different species.

And added interesting cultural cues from different sources as well. In this case, despite the Aztec cultural additions, I was tapping into the Norse mythologies involving Mimir's Well.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:33 am 
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So, I'm waiting for someone to get back to me about the green characteristics, so I thought I'd do a little bit of side species world building with the blue iconic and blue midrange!
The Unseen Devourers


Drakes

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To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 10:38 am 
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I have very little to add to all of this, but I really like what you are doing with this. I love how each culture has their own prideful fall in their myth and/or history, because to me it somewhat implies that they might think that they deserve to be ruled by the demons. That is of course more true of the cinders than anyone else, but it is really cool.

The sky leviathans are really cool too, and I want to see a card design of Mistrosorm. I'm thinking something along the lines of "When Mistrosorm enters the battlefield, exile all nonland permanents target player controls."

I'm looking forward to what you're doing with the rest of this world.

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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 12:39 pm 
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The drakes and leviathans are great. They feel in keeping with the aesthetic of the plane while still remaining their own sort of thing, if that makes sense at all.

The mandrake thing is clever but I'm unsure of calling it a fungus since that's a pretty strong deviation from the folklore, as I understand it.


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 Post subject: Re: [World] Phostus
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 8:37 pm 
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The drakes and leviathans are great. They feel in keeping with the aesthetic of the plane while still remaining their own sort of thing, if that makes sense at all.

Nah, it makes sense. Coming up with a blue icon was a different sort of challenge, but I'm happy with the leviathan, not to mention its own significance to hellish hierarchy to begin with.
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The mandrake thing is clever but I'm unsure of calling it a fungus since that's a pretty strong deviation from the folklore, as I understand it.
Artistic liberties basically.
Aaarrrgh wrote:
The sky leviathans are really cool too, and I want to see a card design of Mistrosorm. I'm thinking something along the lines of "When Mistrosorm enters the battlefield, exile all nonland permanents target player controls."
Hey, if someone wanted to take the time to help design cards for the world, I wouldn't say no to it. It'd be an interesting thing to see.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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