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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 12:33 am 
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Direct Sequel to "Before the Dawn". Not sure how long it's going to run. And yeah, this is another slow-paced talky piece out of me like "Lost Things" or "Advent of a Planeswalker" or even "Carrying the Torch".

Part 1

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:19 pm 
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Nice!

This and the one before remind me a little of The City of Ember.

The whole time I thought the Lorekeepers did live somewhere in the Fortress, so I guess to me at least that wasn't clear from the previous story.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 1:13 am 
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Part 2

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


Last edited by Tevish Szat on Fri Aug 15, 2014 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 12:18 pm 
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Nice. (I am terrible at knowing how to praise something.)
Why did the wolf attack?

I found 3 typos:
"In the night – bright though it was with countless stars and a large [moon], Morgant awoke."
"the famgs tore at his flesh"

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If something isn't extremely explicit and blatant then I wasn't thinking it. I'm incapable of sublety and don't know how to imply things. I never knowingly "imply" anything, ever.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 2:20 pm 
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I am following this, but am declining to comment until I see where it goes.

I'm better at reviewing completed works, and this way I can avoid putting my foot in my mouth (too often).

That being said, Morgan is adorable (as per usual, methinks).

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 4:33 pm 
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I like that he irrationally wants to hide that he's injured.

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Unless I'm trying to be sarcastic or humorous, most of my posts are extremely literal. Please don't "read between the lines" because there's nothing in there.
If something isn't extremely explicit and blatant then I wasn't thinking it. I'm incapable of sublety and don't know how to imply things. I never knowingly "imply" anything, ever.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 12:14 am 
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Why did the wolf attack?

1) It was alone. Wolves normally are pack hunters, so a wolf on its own is probably desperate. (Lone Wolf suggests that while I haven't done exhaustive ecological research, this is true enough in Dominia)
2) As evidenced by the lack of signs in the region, humanoids don't come through here often, so the animals of the region have no innate fear of them

I feel comfortable leaving the explanation out of the text for now, though.

In other news, finished outlining. It looks like this will run 7 parts, though likely more in length like part 2 than the rather long part 1. Not committed to that or any number, but it seems probable.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 18, 2014 1:11 am 
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Part 3

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:14 am 
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Part 4


(that was... shorter than I anticipated.)

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:51 am 
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Part 5


I think the next part will probably be the end of this story.

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


Last edited by Tevish Szat on Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:22 pm 
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Awkward! Poor Morgan literally has NO CLUE what to say or do. He must be one of the most socially stunted people in the multiverse.

editory:
Spoiler

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If something isn't extremely explicit and blatant then I wasn't thinking it. I'm incapable of sublety and don't know how to imply things. I never knowingly "imply" anything, ever.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:42 pm 
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Tevish, I just want to say really quickly that I am going to read this, despite my extreme negligence to this point. I'm looking forward to it.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:45 pm 
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@Arcades: Near total isolation from living humans during childhood might do that. At least he made the right choice in the end, eh?

Edits made.

@Orcish: Thanks!

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:25 pm 
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1) It was alone. Wolves normally are pack hunters, so a wolf on its own is probably desperate. (Lone Wolf suggests that while I haven't done exhaustive ecological research, this is true enough in Dominia)
2) As evidenced by the lack of signs in the region, humanoids don't come through here often, so the animals of the region have no innate fear of them

Wolves tend not to attack people unless they detect them as some sort of threat in their territory.
A lone wolf is alone for usually one of two reasons, it was either driven out of the pack for one reason or another, or it was too dominant.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:54 pm 
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Thank you for the ecological research. If you feel it necessary, I'll change the wolf to a more fantastic creature of similar size and greater aggression.

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:58 pm 
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Thank you for the ecological research. If you feel it necessary, I'll change the wolf to a more fantastic creature of similar size and greater aggression.

Nah, no real reason to change that I can see. It wasn't meant to be any sort of criticism.
It was just knowledge that I had laying around, so I felt it worth it to chime in.
Admittedly, I have a small bit more experience with wolves than your average person.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 12:14 am 
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While you're here, the Monestary is implied to have been likely founded by Zhiran. Do you think it's out of character to have founded an academy somewhere with such a low population/infrastructure?

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I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:06 am 
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While you're here, the Monestary is implied to have been likely founded by Zhiran. Do you think it's out of character to have founded an academy somewhere with such a low population/infrastructure?

Hmmm... nah, probably not out of character. Zhiran tends to think on very long term returns, so low population/infrastructure wouldn't deter him.

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:24 am 
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And the conclusion

Part 6


... Really, this whole thing will probably work better when not split into lots of parts, but I decided at the start I'd call a part cut when I switched PoV.

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


Last edited by Tevish Szat on Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 1:30 am 
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Supplemental Information: Shang Rasoul

Shang Rasoul

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"Enjoy your screams, Sarpadia - they will soon be muffled beneath snow and ice."

I have a blog. I review anime, and sometimes related media, with an analytical focus.

I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook!
The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure.
Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.


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