It's alright.
You're too good a friend for me to hold a grudge over.

Besides, if I had actually been pissed with you, I would have already let the Oso del Diablo after you.

Also, for shame on either of you for not noticing the pun:

You know, I had the following conversation with my brain as I was making the list of people...

Brain: You should write down all the locations as well.
Me: Can't think now. Trying to perform basic verbal tasks.
Brain: Seriously - just jot them down now.
Me: No! One thing at a time! I'll do the locations later.
Brain: But you're already going through all the stories! If you just make a note of them now, you won't have to go through all the stories again, later!
Me: Shut up, brain, or I swear to God I'll eat nothing but fried cheese and drink nothing but peppermint schnapps until you stroke out! You don't tell me how to live!
Brain: I don't know why I bother...

So, yeah, I'll do the locations later...

(Poor brain.)

You do seem to threaten your brain a lot...

Oh, well. It seems pretty cool with it, since it keeps helping you create such genius!

@Barinellos: For the record, I noticed the pun immediately, and I, naturally, enjoyed it immensely!

It gets me back by causing me to bawl like a tear gas victim as soon as I hear the opening notes of "Rainbow Connection."

Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

...

Now I might just have to write a story (or poem, I don't know yet) about rainbows.

Ironically (well, coincidently really) the word "rainbow" appears as many times in my next chapter of War of the Wheel as it has appeared in the rest of the book put together. I swear, that whole chapter was written before this fact about you came to light.

My gratuitous use of it in the chapter after that will be entirely because of this, however...

If you'll all excuse me, I'm going to be curled into a fetal ball in the corner, crying my eyes out, with a box of Kleenex in one hand and a pint of Chunky Monkey in the other, while repeating "the lovers, the dreamers, and me" to myself over and over again.

Honk if you need me.

In light of all of OL's hard work, I have decided to make some cards! Shamelessly, they are of my own characters.

Malzeth

Legendary Creature - Demon
Intimidate
As long as you control a creature named Lucrecia, Malzeth has +3/+3 and Lifelink.
Pay 6 life: Search your library for a Black creature card, reveal it, and put it into your hand. Shuffle your library.
3/3
"Let's not coddle them, Lucy."

Lucrecia

Legendary Creature - Demon
First Strike
As long as you control a creature named Malzeth, Lucrecia has Deathtouch and Hexproof.
Discard a Black creature card: Destroy target creature.
3/3
"You never let me have any fun, Mal!"

~~~

This was sort of an interesting thing to design. Malzeth feels very much like a vampire - but I suspect that's mostly because of all the blood magic. He's scarily good at locating people - but It's Lucy who usually takes care of them. I opted not to boost Lucy's power, mostly because it was a moot point and Malzeth does most of the heavy hitting anyway.

Precision and power, after all.

Nice. I like the voltron thing and can't think of any two who would be better suited for it.

Buried with Treasure

Instant
Destroy target creature. Return a noncreature artifact card from that creature's owner's graveyard to the battlefield under your control.
A hole meant for gold will hold a body just as well.

I'm not totally up on Jakkard stuff, but this came up in my own story and I recall comments that it came up in at least one other too.

Yeah, Tishia meets a similar fate in "Red Eyes."

Which leads me to:

The Gold-Digger

Legendary Artifact - Equipment

Equip:
Equipped creature gains ", : Put a hole token into play."
Equipped creature gains ", , sacrifice a hole token: Bury target creature."

On Jakkard, shovels can be more dangerous than guns.


(I know "bury" isn't used anymore, but, gosh darn it, it's so much better here!)

The hole token should have a card type, just to define it as a permanent. Possibly Land?

Also, I could totally see wizards bringing back "Bury" as a shorthand for "Destroy, can't be regenerated" what with new terminology like "Dies" (or "the land continues to burn")

Well, I mean, it honestly should just be a hole counter.

But I want full-art Hole tokens as FNM prizes! So, yeah, let's make it a land?

New idea: I'll write a story involving Larasa and Morgan, Asher and Jade, and Raiker Venn.

"The Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me."

So, just curious, any particular version that you like better than any others?
Personally I really like the duet with Debbie Harry & Kermit.

I mean, I love basically every version of that song -- and, by love, I mean I burst into tears upon hearing them.

I think the original version from The Muppet Movie still gets me the hardest. There's just something so hauntingly honest and vulnerable about Jim Henson's delivery. It's a throwback to a kind of unashamed sentimentality which is so out-of-favor in entertainment these days.

And then I always think about the day Jim Henson died, which was maybe the saddest I've ever felt about the death of a public figure.

...

Darn it, I'm now crying at work.

ANYWAY: Cards! THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING OF AN INEVITABLE DERAILING I MUST KEEP THIS THREAD RUNNING AS LONG AS POSSIBLE IT IS MY DUTY

So, how about another theme of Jakkard-railroads!

The Red Rail
Enchantment-Aura
Enchant Mountain
When The Red Rail comes into play, put a copy of it onto the field targeting another land you control. (The other land doesn't have to be a Mountain.)
When enchanted land is tapped for mana, tap all other lands enchanted with The Red Rail and put a charge counter on each of them. (Lands tapped this way don't add mana to your pool.)
Remove all charge counters from all enchanted lands: Add red mana to your pool, where X is the amount of charge counters you removed.
Remove a charge counter from one enchanted land: Deal 1 damage to target creature or player.

A little wordy, but I think it works. All but the last lines of text(and the color words) remain the same. Blue gets draw a card, white gains 1 life, black forces a creature sacrifice, and green puts a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

If we wanted an alternate Big Game Changey Mechanic we could make railroads that mechanic...

@Daedelus: That card is interesting, but stupid broken. Repeatable direct damage - at no card cost - is really, really good. Expecially when it comes on lands. The drawbacks are merely stepping stones in this case, because that effect is powerful.

Gods, and it kills creatures too. A+ for idea, F- for balance.

Luckily, at this point, it's only the idea that really matters, so you basically got an A+! Woo!

@Keeper: Ok, let's run with that idea then - How should we represent railroads in such a way that changes the way people play magic? What sort of permanents are they? Or are they, like conspiracies, cards that exist in the command Zone at the start of the game? Do they need to be purchased or built?

But most importantly, what do they do?

I'll brainstorm a bit here:

Railroads as permanents (probably lands or artifacts - maybe fortifications?): This is tricky for swinging gameplay in a zany manner, because you still have to draw the cards. If this is a draft/limited set, than can be mitigated by making them highly desirable/very common. If they WERE permanents, I'd go for non-basic lands. Something along the lines of this:

The New Progress Line - [R]
Land - Railroad
: Add to your mana pool.
Junction - Whenever this or another Railroad enters the battlefield under your control, connect those Railroads.
Whenever this or any Railroads it is connect to are tapped for mana, add to your mana pool.

North Verkell Line - [U]
Land - Railroad
: Add to your mana pool.
Junction - Whenever this or another Railroad enters the battlefield under your control, connect those Railroads.
Whenever this or any railroad it is connected to are tapped for mana, you may pay 1 life. If you do, put the top card of your library into the graveyard.
Leaves from Smokey's Patch at Midnight.

Fortune's Folly Line
Land - Railroad
: Add to your mana pool.
Junciton - Whenever this or another Railroad enters the battlefield under your control, connect those Railroads.

This lets your build up a stockpile of (admittedly weak) effects, but at the cost of colored mana. It would be tricky to balance, but there it is. There would probably also be a cycle that produces colored mana, since these Rails run on Leylines.

Another option is to make them like conspiracies - except, instead of doing something passively, they do something for you once you have the mana - or "money" - to pay for it. Like so:

Dayko Line
Railroad

Dayko Line begins the game face-up in the Command Zone.

: Regenerate target creature, then put a charge counter on Dayko Line. This ability costs more to activate for each charge counter on Dayko Line.

... Of course, I'm not sure how fun the non-interactivity of this is.

Let me know what you all think of this - and how we can improve Showdown if we choose to include it.

I like your first idea. I was originally gonna do them as lands, but I thought adding them would be going too far. Guess I was wrong! I also love the idea of linking them-seems beautiful. Maybe we should have them enchant lands? Railroads IRL are built on lands. But I really think we shouldn't do anything with the Command Zone-i'm hoping to have this [s]Standard[/s] Modern playable. And here's my idea for Showdown: There are some really common permanants that accumulate counters of some description. Showdown involves a certain number of creatures, as distinguished by the initiating card. You bet a certain amount of counters secretly, as does your opponent. Whoever bet higher wins. Although some cards have the low bet, there are cards that can suddenly switch it, cards that force you to bet a certain amount, etc. Feedback please!