Does anyone here play regularly? I like to goof off on chess.com sometimes. Friend me! Or just hit me up at GobO_Serra if you're on and bored and looking for a quick game. 10 minute games are the best.

they won't let me use a 10 minute mail address

no thanks

Hmm.... do they have the Flying Knight variant available? I'd like to try playing that one...

~SE++

can you teach me

I would love to teach anyone to play who wants to!

the only thing i know about chess is how to move the pieces what openers should i learn or whatever

Here are some good guidelines from chess.com that feature RANDOM CAPITALIZATION in addition to some sound advice:

OPEN with a CENTER PAWN.
DEVELOP with threats.
KNIGHTS before BISHOPS.
DON'T move the same piece twice.
Make as FEW PAWN MOVES as possible in the opening.
DON'T bring out your QUEEN too early.
CASTLE as soon as possible, preferably on the KING SIDE.
ALWAYS PLAY TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE CENTER.
Try to maintain at least ONE PAWN in the center.
DON'T SACRIFICE without a clear and adequate reason.

These are pretty solid words to live by, and they should serve you well. There are, as always, exceptions to everything, but you'll pick that up as you go. The hypermodern school has a lot to say about some of these, for instance, and some of the advice, such as "castle as soon as possible, preferably on the king side" is downright bad advice once you know what you're doing. More correct would be to say "castle on the side that maximizes your attack and defense chances, and do so as late as safely possible" but the above rule is better for picking things up. Almost all opening theory is useful, so anything you learn is great, but pretty much all of them are just tried and true applications of the above rules. A lot depends on whether you like to open with e4 or d4 as white. Try both out, and see where it develops from there.

For e4 openings, I really like the King's Gambit as a surprise weapon, as it has fallen out of favor the last few decades. It is a very active and delicate opening though, but the concept is simple, so it is good to learn even if you determine you don't like it, and so you can know how to dismantle it as black. Boris Spassky was a great proponent of this opening, and Bobby Fischer played some notable games with the King's Gambit, despite his famous article denouncing it. The Grand Prix attack is especially awesome.

For other fun e4 openings, I also really like the Scotch Gambit and Fried Liver Attack. The Scotch Game has a trap that you have to learn and watch out for, but it is very solid. Fried Liver steals a lot of games from beginning to intermediate players, so it is popular, but even if black knows what they are doing, it creates an incredibly deep, active game, so I like it a lot.

Finally, no e4 playbook would be complete without the Ruy Lopez. You absolutely must know this opening, if you learn no other openings. It is a current favorite in a lot of low to intermediate grandmaster circles, and is one of the oldest and most studied chess openings known. The exchange variation is simpler and easier to learn, and more often played at a lower level, so I recommend focusing more on that, but other variations are still very popular at all levels.

I'll go into d4 openings in a min, and then some black defenses.

i have not played chess seriously in about 3 or 4 years but I used to be quite active

15 years member of a chess club (in top 10 member sizes of the country). Secretary of said club since 2007.
I mostly play for fun, but am playing in semi-high regional championships.

Also, I'm really crappy at computer chess, but give me a board and I'm fine.

I learned chess at a young age by playing with people who were really good at it (mainly my cousin) so in my first, like, 400 games I lost. So I can play but I sort of hate doing it to be honest

For d4 openings, your go to is definitely the Queen's Gambit declined, although accepted is popular too. Learn to play be queen's gambit first among d4 openings, because it is very solid. It is less "sexy" than a lot of other openings, but super versatile. This is the best opening for teaching that you can have a narrow opening that might seem "boring" but that can lead to really interesting games. Along with the Ruy Lopez, it is one of the most studied openings in chess. I am definitely more of an e4 player, because I like an aggressive, active, open game, so I am probably not the best resource here. Probably the most famous d4 player is Kasparov, and if you look at his game history as white you will find a lot of great games.

For d4, knowing the Indian Defenses are key. The King's Indian Defense and Nimzo-Indian Defense are both less popular than they once were, especially the King's Indian, but they are still heavily played at an intermediate level, and still see occasional top level play. Some of the most famous games ever have been played in the King's Indian Defense. The Queen's Indian Defense is also a tricky weapon against d4. Both Karpov and Anand favor this defense, and there are tons of these games on record. Learning these openings also gives you a solid grounding in understanding the Hypermodern school of chess, which is the foundation for all modern chess.

Another line to look at as against the Queen's Gambit as black that is really underplayed but very solid is the Albin Counter Gambit. This defense can lead to one of the most beautiful chess traps I've ever seen, Lasker's Trap, which I recommend looking at, as it really gives you insight into the way a chess game can unfold with the complexity and grace of a ballet. There are exciting chances for both sides even if the trap is avoided, and this is probably my favorite defense against the Queen's Gambit, although more often than not I will instead transpose into the Grunfeld Defense, which is also very good.

Overall there are dozens of solid openings, hundreds of defenses and gambits and countergambits, and thousands of studied variations, so I recommend just checking out a few other these and then researching more based on what appeals to you.

that is a lot of information to take in

i think i will start learning the ruy lopez for white and the indian defenses for black and go from there

thanks a bunch

Meh, I just play by intuition mostly. And it works plenty of times

I believe the 'golden rules' are
1) Pawns in the center.
2) Bishops and Knights before other stuff.
3) Get your king to safety (through castling)

If you get those 3 done within 12 turns, you are usually set alright and can go from there with your own ideas.

immediately upon making my chess.com account a man called WISEWARRIOR wanted to be my friend

shab should I make a chess.com account

only if you like chess or like WISEWARRIORs

Made an account too.
J_a_c it is.

Yay!

And yeah, what Jac said is right on. Just obey the main opening principles, and you are off to a good start. All of the stuff I posted is a good place to start once you get comfortable, but there's a lot of stuff I didn't talk about that is really key to my game, and I am just an okay player with medium skill and experience. There's really a lifetime of studying to do, if you are so inclined. So don't get daunted my the idea that there is a lot you have to learn to play at all, or that you're "behind" or anything. Some people become a grandmaster in their teens, some people do so in their eighties.

Also, check out Mato Jelic, kingscrusher, and Kevin with thechesswebsite.com on youtube for some really great breakdown and analysis of famous and instructive games and openings. Kevin has a really great conversational style, Mato Jelic has a much softer, patient style, and both typically make videos in the 10-20 minute range. Tryfon Gavriel, aka kingscrusher on youtube, typically makes videos in the 30-60 minute range, which gives him the freedom to go through a lot more variations, which is helpful as you advance. He is also a top 50 British rapid chess player, and you can catch a game with him pretty easily if you are interested. His expertise on rapid chess is great, and he often reviews his own daily games in addition to other famous or instructive games, which is good for giving you a feel of the kind of variance you might see from game to game. Here is a sample of one of his great analysis videos, hailed by some as the most beautiful bullet game ever played: