Ha! Now you know how it feels! Just kidding.

Anyway, joking aside, I thought this was great. Jackie’s righteous anger was really powerful, a little disturbing, and really well-done. I loved her destroying Trotter’s bed. A part of me wished that we could see a little bit more reaction from the twins and Dazie, just because I’ve been in a room where someone was blowing up sort of like that, and it’s a very awkward feeling, but I’m torn on that, just because this is Jackie’s story, and in that state, she wouldn’t care what the others were thinking. Anyway, very well done there.

The Liar is fantastic. Just fantastic. I agree that the prologue was a little tricky to read, mostly because of the shadows involved. Disguises within disguises, shadows within shadows, and even the narrator seemed to want to get in on the confusion. To a point, that bit of meta-narrative works. But if anything, I think the pronouns could be cleaned up a little bit. It was a fun bit to read, though.

Speaking of the Liar, he sure seems to know a lot about what’s going on with Fisco Vane. Hmm…

If I hadn’t read any of Jackie’s other stories, I might find myself having a problem with the wholesale slaughter she is adopting here, but I think it works well here to help illustrate both that her own Moral Compass has become somewhat demagnetized, and how serious this whole thing is to her. I do, however, find it odd that she kept that one guy’s teeth. I’m honestly not sure why she would do that.

On a related note, I shudder to think what would happen to poor Merritt if his little encounter with Jackie had taken place during this portion of her story arc…

I enjoy Hush-Hush, as well, and I really like the way they were handled. The “strange” moment was cute, but honestly I more liked the hug she gives them, combined with the brief story about trying to shake their hands. That was a great moment.

On a darker note, I wonder what would happen if your twins met my twins…

One (very) minor complaint I have is when Trotter is tied to the bed. It struck me as odd while reading it that you never tell us whether the voice sounds masculine or feminine. I know the point is to maintain as much mystery as possible, but we are experiencing that portion of the story through Trotter’s available senses (much the same as we did with Brax when Jackie was blindfolded), but it seemed odd to me that Trotter wouldn’t note what the voice sounded like. A minor thing, like I said, but I noticed it while reading.

I noticed a few minor typos, which I shall hereafter endeavor to illuminate:



So, everything considered, I have to say excellent work all around, as I have come to expect from the two of you. This entire story arc is certainly continuing to be suitably epic, and deeply enjoyable. Well done as usual, and I will patiently yet excitedly await the next installment.

Raven, thanks so much for reading, and for the great comments!


I'm glad that you felt like that scene worked. I think it could very easily come off as overdone or pulpy, so I'm relieved that it seems believable. And, yeah, I think "disturbing" is a word which I've been thinking about a lot. I don't like seeing Jackie like that, and it's hard for me to write her that way. She scares me a little bit in this scene, and I'm not used to feeling that way about her. It feels like I'm watching a friend come undone, and it hurts.

(Ruwin, frankly, was invaluable in pushing me to have the courage to go to some of these places where I feared to tread. This story doesn't work without his help in that regard.)

Along those lines, you may be interested to know that Mrs. OL had the exact same comment as you did - she felt like it was odd that we didn't get to see any reactions from Hush-Hush or Dazie while Jackie is having her freak out.

My own thinking is essentially the same as the thought you offered, which is that I'm trying to keep the POV very tight during that moment, and, in that moment, the other two aren't even in the room in so far as Jackie is concerned. I think they could start doing cartwheels and she wouldn't notice. Between the moment she flips the bed and the moment she sinks to the floor, I don't think she can see or hear anything else besides what she herself is doing - and even then I'm not sure how much she "sees" or "hears" versus just "does."

That being said, enough votes to the contrary can convince me that I'm wrong. I'll have to give it a ponder, think if there's a good way to meld the options.



I'll let Ruwin decide what he does or doesn't want to say about the Liar.

The Liar is all his, and I think he just knocked this character out of the park.



I think that's very true. You kind of have to have read some of the earlier stories in order to sense the contrast here. I was kind of hoping that the interaction she has with the centaur boy, and the version of her we see in Trotter's memory, provide a little in-story reference point for her lovable rogue baseline, but they probably can't carry that weight by themselves.

As for the teeth, I guess I don't know, either. And I think I'm happier that way?

I don't think she picked them up off the floor. I think they made their way into that pocket one by one, and that more would have followed had her question not been answered.

Again, this is not the way I like to imagine Jackie.



There's a strong possibility that the Waste becomes less colorful, one way or the other.

Although, it's also possible that she just totally ignores him. She is fairly... focused, at the moment. Unless he becomes an explicit obstacle, he's probably not even on her radar.



I'm glad you liked it. Those are some of my favorite little Hush-Hush moments - trying to think about how awkward it must be to interact with two people who always expect to be treated like a single, unified person, and who act as such.

And, honestly, the fact that Jackie goes out of her way to try to treat Hush-Hush the way they want to be treated really warms my heart. She has business reasons for doing so, obviously - they are very useful to her, and she wants to stay on their good side. But I think there's also a real, genuine kind of empathy there. I think Jackie knows what it's like to have people treat you differently because of what you are (or what they think you are), and I think it matters to her that she can shield the twins from that a little bit, give them something of a safe space.



Probably nothing good.

This wasn't ever intentional, because Hush-Hush just seemed to arrive in my head so fully-formed, but I'm glad that they feel pretty from Syl and Chardis - or, they do to me, anyway. The Dual-Walkers kind of inhabit that "finish each other's sentences" level of twin-ness, whereas Hush-Hush can't finish each other's sentences because they almost can't speak or act or think as anything other than a single unit.

I have an inkling Syl and Chardis would try to separate them, as a kind of cruel experiment. And I think that would be pure, unimaginable torture for Hush-Hush.

*shudders*



Shoot - complete oversight on my part. One of those "I hear the voice just fine in my head, and I forget that other people don't have the same luxury" type deals. I'll add some more description.



I am so glad you enjoyed the story! I have high hopes for the next installment. Ruwin has come up with some real dynamite ideas, and we've got some stuff in the hopper already which I hope can deliver on that potential.

@The Liar: *Senseless giggling fading away in the distance*



@Typos: It's supposed to be a broken "hand". Woops.

I'm glad you like it, Raven!

Often have I said that Jill St. John is one smart lady!

Like I said, I don't think it's necessarily a problem that we don't, it's just that we, as readers, are essentially seeing the same thing as Hush-Hush and Dazie are. It seems natural that we would, I don't know, sort of look at one another uncomfortably.

Actually, maybe where something can go is in the immediate aftermath. Once Jackie's down on the ground with her eyes closed, we can hear Dazie exhale the breath with she has been holding this whole time, or something like that.

@ Ruwin - I love that design. I love the ways you manage to push the PW card type to do different, flavorful things.