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 Post subject: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 4:22 am 
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From the notes of Raleris, the Lorekeeper, cross referenced with collected evidence to be found in Maral's cache.

Quote:
Among the many scrolls and tomes that I have browsed from the Infinite Library, there are likely near countless artifacts which are spoken of in those innumerable volumes, but among the collection there are several which seem to appear more often than one would find natural, and more importantly, in locations that seemingly have nothing to do with each other. This stirred an interest in the matter and I began to unearth as many accounts of the relics as I could. Having little in the way of success of tracking some of them down, I turned to an expert that I had some acquaintanceship with, a treasure hunter and smith known as Maral.

My own curiosity has caused her to become more determined to search these out and assess the potency and possible influence these artiacts may have had. In preparation for her journey, I have collected notes on the list that we put together which she feels both are of the highest priority to search out, cross referenced with the ones most likely to be found.
<notes attached on following pages>

-From the journals of Raleris, dated (page damaged)


The Hand of Light and Shadow


{This is the first entry in a series of artifacts I will be releasing in regular intervals. Feel free to share opinions at any point*, but it'll be a few days before I release the next one.}
{{*For that matter, for the love of gods, comment!}}

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Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 2:02 pm 
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I really like the scholastic feel of the document, with the addendums and parenthetical additions by Maral. I think it helps grow the reality of the world, and I like the collaborative research that Raleris and Maral have when it comes to this project.

I do have a problem with the last paragraph, however. Where is this document? I had the understanding while reading it that it's in Raleris's library. But the last paragraph states clearly that Maral is keeping information from Raleris, who I assume has this document. I mean, I don't have a problem with her keeping stuff from him, or vice versa, but blatantly saying so in a document to which he has access seems ineffective at best.

But I do like the artifact itself.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 3:01 pm 
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I wondered a bit about that too. I also wonder about finding some ways to differentiate their voices a little more. You captured Raleris's well, though! It sounds like what I think of when I think of him.

I like the artifacts, as well! The only thing I'd maybe like to learn more about is how they travelled across planes. Do they have that power themselves or did they hitch a ride via 'walkers? That seems like something that'd be worth filling in a bit more explicitly, simply because it'll be important to know if someone's writing about them.

They make an interesting counterpoint to the Amulet of the Planeswalkers, in that both objects absorb past skills. This seems far less malevolent, though.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 10:43 pm 
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I really like the scholastic feel of the document, with the addendums and parenthetical additions by Maral. I think it helps grow the reality of the world, and I like the collaborative research that Raleris and Maral have when it comes to this project.

I do have a problem with the last paragraph, however. Where is this document? I had the understanding while reading it that it's in Raleris's library. But the last paragraph states clearly that Maral is keeping information from Raleris, who I assume has this document. I mean, I don't have a problem with her keeping stuff from him, or vice versa, but blatantly saying so in a document to which he has access seems ineffective at best.

But I do like the artifact itself.

Raleris compiled the notes, but they each have a copy of them.
Which actually comes into play for the NEXT artifact on the line. We get to see a full collection of the notes, but they don't share the copy that they've each been using. We get the meta-data for full effect.

I wondered a bit about that too. I also wonder about finding some ways to differentiate their voices a little more. You captured Raleris's well, though! It sounds like what I think of when I think of him.

I like the artifacts, as well! The only thing I'd maybe like to learn more about is how they travelled across planes. Do they have that power themselves or did they hitch a ride via 'walkers? That seems like something that'd be worth filling in a bit more explicitly, simply because it'll be important to know if someone's writing about them.

They make an interesting counterpoint to the Amulet of the Planeswalkers, in that both objects absorb past skills. This seems far less malevolent, though.

Believe it or not, this is actually after I've edited her a bit. Originally she sounded a lot more like him just because it was hard to get out of his headspace. The next entries will have more effective separation of the two.

As to the way they jumped... well, that would be telling.
Though I can actually tell if you want me to. The first time it jumped was probably on the wrists of a planeswalker, probably freshly ascended, and from that it worked out that there was more than it had previously known. After that... well, we're talking about an artifact with the accumulated knowledge of a dozen or more wizards/shamans/clerics and several lifetimes worth of mana bonds. If can probably tear portals in space if it wanted to. It likely could also create a simulacrum to allow it its own agency.

But there's a lot of mystery attached to it, including why its willing to just sit around and... hell, why it chooses to do what it does and to what end. That's what that stinger is about.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:56 pm 
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Color me intrigued.

This is a little ticky-tacky, but I kind of wish the physical description of the bangles came a wee bit earlier in the notes. By the time I got to where they are described, I had started to form my own mental image of what they might be like, which I then had to scrap once I got the official scoop.

On the other hand, there's something kind of correct about Raleris burying the lede like that - like he's less interested in the artifacts themselves than in the bibliographic detective work he gets to do. He's more interested in the books than the loot.

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:17 am 
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Color me intrigued.

This is a little ticky-tacky, but I kind of wish the physical description of the bangles came a wee bit earlier in the notes. By the time I got to where they are described, I had started to form my own mental image of what they might be like, which I then had to scrap once I got the official scoop.

On the other hand, there's something kind of correct about Raleris burying the lede like that - like he's less interested in the artifacts themselves than in the bibliographic detective work he gets to do. He's more interested in the books than the loot.

I could see it. It just seemed way more important to get the hook in before the description, the why rather than the what.
Though depending on the image you've conjured, you might not have to scrap it all that much since the artifact has changed its image before. Several times.
(Curious what you conjured up btw)

So, I expect nobody else will offer much comment now that you three have said a bit, but discussion will still totally be open. I think I'll post the next artifact in 2 days.

As an aside, I'm a little disappointed nobody said much about the title for this little project.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:21 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
As an aside, I'm a little disappointed nobody said much about the title for this little project.

Yeah, I saw that. I liked it. But I had forgotten about it by the time I had re-read the entry. Well done, all the same.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:26 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
As an aside, I'm a little disappointed nobody said much about the title for this little project.

Yeah, I saw that. I liked it. But I had forgotten about it by the time I had re-read the entry. Well done, all the same.

My only regret is that I have no regrets.

Actually, I'm just bummed that I couldn't manage 15 of them. I stalled out at 11 + Godsend 1.1

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:31 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
Barinellos wrote:
As an aside, I'm a little disappointed nobody said much about the title for this little project.

Yeah, I saw that. I liked it. But I had forgotten about it by the time I had re-read the entry. Well done, all the same.

My only regret is that I have no regrets.

Actually, I'm just bummed that I couldn't manage 15 of them. I stalled out at 11 + Godsend 1.1

I have no doubt we could come up with a few others for you, especially after we see more of them so we don't tread too much over the same ground. One thing to do is to look over some of MTG's artifacts and see where we are a little thin. But we'll save that for another time.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:38 am 
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I have no doubt we could come up with a few others for you, especially after we see more of them so we don't tread too much over the same ground. One thing to do is to look over some of MTG's artifacts and see where we are a little thin. But we'll save that for another time.

I sort of want to include the Blade that cuts Eternity among the artifacts she's aware of, but since it's tied up, it wouldn't want to nail it down.
Though there again, these are all sentient creations with their own agendas so... it's possible some of them know a backdoor.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 12:50 am 
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Hey, a sudden, completely undeveloped thought just occurred, so I have a question. How big is Maral's Vault, physically? Like, what kind of size limitations are we looking at for these artifacts?


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:03 am 
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Hey, a sudden, completely undeveloped thought just occurred, so I have a question. How big is Maral's Vault, physically? Like, what kind of size limitations are we looking at for these artifacts?

There are a lot of chambers. I don't want to go into too much detail since I'm saving that for the story slated somewhere down the line, but it's pretty big. It's basically an entire complex and some of the rooms even dwarf her. (take for example, her Sacred Foundry though in fairness, THAT does have a ceiling instead of being so open up there. )
All of the items in here would be what you'd call "maximum security" with basically their own spaces in a gigantic room.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:10 am 
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Barinellos wrote:
Hey, a sudden, completely undeveloped thought just occurred, so I have a question. How big is Maral's Vault, physically? Like, what kind of size limitations are we looking at for these artifacts?

There are a lot of chambers. I don't want to go into too much detail since I'm saving that for the story slated somewhere down the line, but it's pretty big. It's basically an entire complex and some of the rooms even dwarf her. (take for example, her Sacred Foundry though in fairness, THAT does have a ceiling instead of being so open up there. )
All of the items in here would be what you'd call "maximum security" with basically their own spaces in a gigantic room.

Good to know. If my summer job doesn't rot my brain, I'll put some thought into one or two possible others.


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:04 am 
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The confusion over who has what information might be solved simply by adding a "From Raleris's/Maral's Copy" at the beginning of particular sections.

I did like the title but like Raven I promptly forgot that was the title :P Sorry

So just to be clear, are these artifacts all things that she has her eye on, or all things that she has in her vault in our sort of nebulous rolling present?


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:28 pm 
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The confusion over who has what information might be solved simply by adding a "From Raleris's/Maral's Copy" at the beginning of particular sections.

Unless otherwise specified, it's from Maral's copies.
Quote:
So just to be clear, are these artifacts all things that she has her eye on, or all things that she has in her vault in our sort of nebulous rolling present?

The latter.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:49 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
So, I expect nobody else will offer much comment now that you three have said a bit, but discussion will still totally be open. I think I'll post the next artifact in 2 days.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched.

I would like to join the faction saying you do not make it clear that this is "Maral's copy". I like the idea of how you set up the artifact, but I find less issue with the artifact than I do with the presentation.

It's nice the way you include little touches like <Appendix attached:> and Maral's little notes in-between, but I feel there might, and I stress might since I don't know any better way rather than sinking a lot of time into creating a bunch of images to look like documents, but I feel there might be a better way to present those moments. Basically, the way they are formatted now takes me a bit out of the experience of reading it, though I will admit that I have little to no experience with these kinds of document/story things.

Quote:
As an aside, I'm a little disappointed nobody said much about the title for this little project.

I have roughly no idea what you're getting at. :confused: Maybe a reference to Wizards' sporadic releases of From The Vault: Old ****, but I have had roughly no interest in those releases thus far.

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:44 pm 
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Ahaha wow I totally forgot that they have a From the Vault product line I just associated the line with like old disc jockey sayings.

(And also with one of Frank N Furter's most brilliantly twisted one liners in Rocky Horror. God I love that movie.)


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:46 pm 
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I would totally buy From The Vault: Old ****. I have a huge collection of old ****, after all - let's keep that ball rolling!

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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 10:49 pm 
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I just think of Hark: A Vagrant's take on Great Gatsby:

"We're old money. So old."

"Old as balls."


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 Post subject: Re: From the Vault
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 11:06 pm 
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I would like to join the faction saying you do not make it clear that this is "Maral's copy".

I'll be completely truthful when I say that I have no idea how it is that you're all getting so hung up on what amounts to a FRAMING device.
This isn't a story. Everyone is overthinking it.
While there are little hints about characterization and **** in the framing device, that's not the point.
Quote:
I have roughly no idea what you're getting at. :confused: Maybe a reference to Wizards' sporadic releases of From The Vault: Old ****, but I have had roughly no interest in those releases thus far.

... Yes. The From the Vault product, which has rarely been what I would call a "success" but seems to be enough of a moneygrab that they keep doing it.

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At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost.
Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind.
To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"


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