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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 12:31 pm 
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Presenting this with only one comment: Trigger Warning for suicidal thoughts.

A Cold Shoulder
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Last edited by RuwinReborn on Fri May 30, 2014 12:04 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 1:24 pm 
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I did not expect to have this many Feelings D: Particularly about this character in this way.

This is very well done, though. Some of it was... uncomfortably familiar, to be honest. And the "can't stop swimming" bit was a real gut punch. I like, too, that we're getting this after the Daneera stories, since that was more sort of Fisco as a real hard man, so it kind of sets this up through contrast. Makes it seem more meaningful.

Yeah. I like this a lot.


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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 1:49 pm 
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You're certainly making your rounds today, Keeper! :D

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Thanks for reading, and I'm glad it was an emotional piece for you! (er... in the way that it got you to feel what I was trying to make you feel? O_O) It certainly was for me. :)

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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 2:43 pm 
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Very interesting, and very good. I like the way you chose to go with this; it was not something I had expected based on the beginning. I really like the backstory you establish here with Diana. This is a very good emotional piece, too, which I've noticed we're getting more of around here lately, which is nice. I love the visual of Fisco in his chair. If there are any artists reading this, that picture would be awesome... :D

Typos


Overall, though, very good, and another demonstration of your mastery of Fisco's character. I will say, though, that when you said you were going to focus on writing things you find therapeutic, I didn't expect a Fisco story, let alone this one!


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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 2:59 pm 
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Overall, though, very good, and another demonstration of your mastery of Fisco's character. I will say, though, that when you said you were going to focus on writing things you find therapeutic, I didn't expect a Fisco story, let alone this one!


I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I didn't really expect to write this either. O_O My mind just got to wandering while I was in the car, and then bam, I needed to do this. Despite the sadness of the piece, it was a very calming exercise, picturing Diana comforting Fisco. Because he seems like the sort of person who would need it the least, you know?

Thanks for catching the typos (only four this time! Huzzah!) I fixed them up. :D

EDIT: Oh, the chair! Yea, I was towing the line between "grumpy" and "bone-crushing, depressed malaise" and wasn't sure which way to go with it, so I was afraid I didn't commit properly to a tone. Glad you liked it!

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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 4:13 pm 
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I think the fact that you didn't aggressively push bone-crushing malaise actually made it far more poignant, personally. Sometimes it's the sheer mundanity of the thing that makes it particularly bad, you know?


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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 4:24 pm 
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I think the fact that you didn't aggressively push bone-crushing malaise actually made it far more poignant, personally. Sometimes it's the sheer mundanity of the thing that makes it particularly bad, you know?


Yea, I get that. Despite the fact that I definitely made a point of Fisco just being sick to death of his cigars, I had totally forgotten that I decided he wouldn't smoke one. This makes uh... the first work ever where he's not smoking at some point?

That's interesting, actually.

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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 4:56 pm 
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:cry:

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PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 5:12 pm 
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:cry:


Right there with ya, buddy.

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PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 4:49 pm 
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Ruwin, I think this piece is just wonderful. As the others above me have already noted, the emotional impact is intense. It hits like an absolute ton of bricks.

To kind of explain the way this piece made me feel, I need to begin with a slightly lengthy digression, so I apologize for that in advance. Bear with me for just a second...

Probably five or six years ago at this point, I read a genuinely wonderful but absolutely gut-wrenching magazine article called "Jumpers." I wish I could remember which magazine it was in (I want to say either the New Yorker or the New York Times Magazine, but I'm not sure), and it was an example of the kind of long-form print journalism which is becoming increasingly rare these days. It was probably about a 15,000-word article, and it was about suicides.

Specifically, the news hook was that there was a debate in California about whether or not to install higher railings and suicide nets along the Golden Gate Bridge. Apparently, there is something about the iconic status of the Golden Gate which makes it a magnet for suicides. As the article's writer wryly observed, there are countless examples of people driving across the Oakland Bay Bridge before jumping off the Golden Gate, but no recorded examples of anyone doing the opposite. Anyway, suicide prevention experts were advocating installing better safeguards on the Golden Gate to try to prevent jumpers from getting over the side, whereas preservationists and tourism promoters were against installing the barriers, which they argued would spoil the bridge's aesthetics. (Probably unsurprisingly, the barriers were not installed. I suspect they never will be. Aesthetics will carry the day.)

Beyond the specific news hook, though, the writer examined the bridge and the people who jump off of it from almost every conceivable angle. He spoke to the families of people who jumped off the bridge. He spoke to psychiatrists who tried to counsel patients against jumping. He spoke to the police officers who work a special assignment, patrolling up and down the bridge on foot and watching for people who look like they're about to jump. He even spoke to people who jumped off the bridge and survived.

The article was fascinating and devastating all at once. I cried several times while I was reading it. Now, I will be the first person to admit that I am a big softie, and that I'll cry at the drop of a hat compared to your average bear. But reading this piece just really hit me at a very visceral level.

In particular, I always recall two specific anecdotes from the article.

In the first one, a psychiatrist recalled visiting the apartment of a patient of his after the man had jumped off the bridge. The man left a suicide note behind in his apartment. It read (paraphrasing from memory here): "I'm going to walk down to the bridge today, and if a single person smiles at me along the way, I'm not going to jump." But he did jump.

In the second anecdote, the writer spoke to one of the police officers on the bridge patrol with the best record of talking down jumpers. He asked the officer what he says to someone who has climbed over the railing and looks like they're about to jump. The officer said (again, paraphrasing from memory): "I ask them how they're doing, and then I ask them, have you made a plan for tomorrow? And, if they say 'no,' I say, well, let's make a plan for tomorrow, then. If it doesn't work out, you can always come back here."

Something about those two particular little glimpses into the universe of human suffering just really got to me, and really stuck in my mind. I remember reading them and feeling like I'd been punched in the gut.

Reading this story, I just couldn't help flashing back to those two particular anecdotes. Fisco's line of thought in the chair brought the man's note to mind, and Diana's intervention brought the police officer to mind.

And I am not ashamed to say that I cried while reading this piece.

In terms of the particular bits which I think work very well, Fisco's knocking the things off of his table is just a very relatable little human moment, and Diana's speech at the end is wonderfully constructed and paced. Similarly, Fisco's observation about the quality of the gun's design just seemed very organic to me.

I really just have one tiny suggestion. I might just try breaking off Diana's final line of dialog into it's own graf. Coming where it does, after a little descriptive action involving both Diana and Fisco, it took me just an extra second or two to make sure I was clear on who the speaker was, despite how obvious it seems like it ought to be, given the content. I think the sentence would stand alone as it's own graf, and it might even hit a little bit harder that way. But if you take a look and disagree, you're obviously entitled to keep it the way it is.

Again, well done and thanks for posting.

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PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 4:57 pm 
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In the first one, a psychiatrist recalled visiting the apartment of a patient of his after the man had jumped off the bridge. The man left a suicide note behind in his apartment. It read (paraphrasing from memory here): "I'm going to walk down to the bridge today, and if a single person smiles at me along the way, I'm not going to jump." But he did jump.

Wow, that is powerful. It makes me glad to know that most days, when I'm in public, I try to smile at people and nod in their direction if we make eye contact, or even occasionally say a few polite words to strangers. Knowing that it could have made a difference some day is really kind of cool.


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PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 5:08 pm 
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In the first one, a psychiatrist recalled visiting the apartment of a patient of his after the man had jumped off the bridge. The man left a suicide note behind in his apartment. It read (paraphrasing from memory here): "I'm going to walk down to the bridge today, and if a single person smiles at me along the way, I'm not going to jump." But he did jump.

Wow, that is powerful. It makes me glad to know that most days, when I'm in public, I try to smile at people and nod in their direction if we make eye contact, or even occasionally say a few polite words to strangers. Knowing that it could have made a difference some day is really kind of cool.


I know, right? Occasionally that thought will flash through my mind if I'm in a bad mood for some reason, and I realize that I'm frowning at people. It reminds me to try to smile instead. I'm not under any illusion that I'm going to change a life, but I figure it can't possibly hurt.

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 12:16 am 
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OH MY GOSH I THOUGHT I RESPONDED TO THESE BUT I DIDN'T. O_O

*AHEM*

OL, thank you for those anecdotes. I've never read the article in question, but I have heard one of those stories before. The smiling one, that is. I er... am a rather repressed individual, even for all the energy I put into my posts. I'm not this energetic in meatspace, I can assure you. I actually find it incredibly difficult to socialize while looking at other people, but I do try to smile, at least.

Sorry to have made you cry. And I am also proud that I made you cry? It's a weird feeling, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

I'm glad Fisco came across as human to you, because oftentimes, he does not come across as "human" to himself. It's probably pretty easy for him to get lost in his own legend. As for the gun... It was important to Fisco, and he really struggles with the fact that he still has it. Those memories aren't healthy for him, not at all. Like he was thinking - he made it for a purpose, and did not think about what he would do with it afterwards. The fact that he still has it but doesn't DO anything with it is telling of his emotional stagnation.

I have loved Diana as a character ever since she first brought Fisco his gun in Two Bullets, and this interaction between them has been a long time coming. She is going to become an increasingly more relevant character as Fisco's story unfolds further, but so will a certain white-haired demon who no doubt has it in for the Shark...

I took your suggestion and edited the original post, OL. You're right, it looks better now.

Thanks for the kind words. :)

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 1:01 am 
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Sorry to have made you cry. And I am also proud that I made you cry? It's a weird feeling, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Taking those points roughly in order: (1) Don't be! (2) Do be! (3) I know! (4) I do!

Quote:
I have loved Diana as a character ever since she first brought Fisco his gun in Two Bullets, and this interaction between them has been a long time coming. She is going to become an increasingly more relevant character as Fisco's story unfolds further, but so will a certain white-haired demon who no doubt has it in for the Shark...

I suspect this will not surprise you, but I am similarly a fan of Diana. She has so much presence. It's one of the reasons which I felt really happy that I had a place for her in the Aloise/Fisco/Beryl story. I coveted that presence.

Quote:
Thanks for the kind words. :)

Hey, everyone keeps making it really easy by doing such great work and, also, being a bunch of really swell people in the process. I just get to sit back and hand out well-deserved praise. Easy-peasy.

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 1:23 am 
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So this is horrible of me, but I was listening to some 80's music earlier today and heard the song "Centerfold," by the J. Geils Band. And every time the line "My angel is the centerfold," came up, all I could think about was Fisco, dancing around in his itchy robe, holding his gun, but otherwise just like the music video to that song. I feel kinda bad about that, but not bad enough to refrain from sharing it with you.


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 7:54 am 
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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 9:16 am 
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So this is horrible of me, but I was listening to some 80's music earlier today and heard the song "Centerfold," by the J. Geils Band. And every time the line "My angel is the centerfold," came up, all I could think about was Fisco, dancing around in his itchy robe, holding his gun, but otherwise just like the music video to that song. I feel kinda bad about that, but not bad enough to refrain from sharing it with you.


Let the record indicate that "Centerfold," Freeze Frame, and the J. Geils Band are all criminally underrated today.

Although, if I had to pick a 1981 smash-hit rock album to represent Fisco, I think I'm probably tending more towards Hi Infidelity than Freeze Frame. Because Hi Infidelity is practically the Blood on the Tracks of arena rock.

Either that, or Private Eyes. You could talk me into Private Eyes.

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 9:41 am 
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I have this weird relationship to Centerfold because I thought it was really catchy when I was younger, but more recently it just seemed distastefully s1ut-shamey, but I just looked up the lyrics and it seems more like it's poking fun at the male character for being hypocritical sooooo I dunno what to think now @_@

Also holy crap the music video for Hi Infidelity is ten minutes long:



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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 9:51 am 
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I have this weird relationship to Centerfold because I thought it was really catchy when I was younger, but more recently it just seemed distastefully s1ut-shamey, but I just looked up the lyrics and it seems more like it's poking fun at the male character for being hypocritical sooooo I dunno what to think now @_@

Yeah, the joke is definitely on the POV singer in "Centerfold." Something about the way Peter Wolf sings the words "giiiiiiiiiiiirly magaziiiiiiiine" is just so emblematic of that kind of lurid, adolescent high school boy mentality that confuses immaturity for maturity.


Also holy crap the music video for Hi Infidelity is ten minutes long.

10 minutes of solid gold.

Also, "Take It On The Run" is one of my tipsy karaoke mainstays.

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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 11:17 am 
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@_@ I wish I could say I will get to this soon, but... I don't think I can make "soon." I certainly want to read it, but I've got so many other things I need to read around here.

There is one very important thing you make me realize, though: we may need to start adding trigger warnings to certain works in our Archives. I'm very glad you included a warning and I think this may need to be brought up in another thread.

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