Granted! Unfortunately, kiwi bird fighting becomes a popular underground sport, and the poor creatures now suffer from greater pain and defeat than mother nature ever intended.

I wish parrots could speak in complete phrases and concepts.

Raawk! Your wish has been granted, tweet! My powers of mimicry have increased tenfold. Just wish I understood the meaning of what I'm saying raaawk!

I wish I could talk to dogs and they would understand me.

Granted! They still can't communicate with you, and they are in fact not interested, but they do understand you.

I wish for a way of having clear two-way communication with all animals.

Granted! Your ears are now filled 24/7 with the talk of all animals, even the mites which live on you right now. You are near-constantly aware of the horny calls of animals that you used to enjoy listening to, like birds, frogs, and crickets. Most animal conversation becomes incredibly awkward for you. Good luck getting any sleep, as well.

I wish we could cooperate on a societal/cultural level with a secondary intelligent species from this planet.

Granted! Unfortunately, however, our cooperation was seen as a threat by a technologically superior third species from a different planet that has now arrived to subjugate both intelligent races on this one.


I wish I could grant wishes again.

Granted! Unfortunately, you must now continue to grant wishes with absurd / obtuse side-effects, which, much like your web-slinging avatar (as portrayed by Tobey Maguire), gains you ill-repute within your community despite your good intentions.

I wish I had a piece of pie.

Granted! You had a piece of pie. You don't have it anymore, but you did have it.

I wish for a piece of pie.

This I grant you! I grant you a piece of pie. Look more closely, it's there. Closer, closer, there you go. I think it's all crust, but it's hard to tell, there might be some poisonberry in there too.

I wish for a total overhaul of the academic system.

Granted! The academic system is reformed by a group of traditionalists, and all classes are now taught in Latin.

I wish my metabolism would allow me to stay in good shape without needing special diet or exercise.

Granted! Unfortunately, this pretty much negates your need to get up and / or leave the house. Good luck meeting girls now! You would become a pretty awesome gamer, though...

I wish new cars weren't so expensive.

Granted! Cars flood the market to such an extent that they become the bartering goods of the entire world, in place of any paper or coin money that countries previously used. Due to their size, it's difficult to carry more than one at a time, so large transactions involve either two parties ferrying cars back and forth or a lot of walking. In this new car-based economy, new cars are looked at with careful scrutiny, as counterfeiters abound.

I wish I had storage options for my the information in my brain.

Wish granted! You can now store memory in different parts of your brain. Sadly, to achieve this, your brain had to be removed and each section isolated in separate jars. You're dead, but the electrical impulses and oxygen they give your brain allows it to survive for a short while after.

I wish for an end to my nicotine addiction that doesn't involve getting a new addiction.

~SE++

Wish granted! You are now free from your nicotine addiction. You consulted with a psychologist who used hypnotherapy to alleviate those nicotine cravings however being without health insurance you went to the local medical school. The newly accepted psychology student misread a page in his textbook and you now think you are a chicken.

I wish coffee didn't give me heartburn.

Wish granted! Coffee no longer gives you heartburn. We did, however, have to alter how it is made, so now it gives you the runs. Is that a decent trade off?

I wish I made $5 an hour more at my current job.

~SE++

Wish granted! However your duties now include cleaning every bathroom within a mile radius of your workplace once a day.


I wish this forum had a front page.

This I grant you! Actually I didn't have to do anything, this forum already did have a front page. Before it became NGA phpBB licensee designation 004145 hosted Tea Cozy Enthusiasts of Britain and the World. Under that identity it had a front page. A rather gaudy one in fact.

I wish that books didn't cost so much money.

Wish Granted! Books no longer cost money, they now cost you 1 year of life, magically removed and put into a bank and sold off to the highest bidder. How many books will you buy?

I wish the band Creed had never existed.

~SE++

Granted. Creed has never existed. It just came into existence later. That is how time works and how new bands are formed.

I wish pepsi did not exist.

This I grant you! Unfortunately sir, I am only just getting back into wish-granting, and you see time manipulation is a tricky thing. I humbly beg your apologies sir, for it seems that since the late 1800's people have been purchasing entirely empty bottles labelled Pepsi, and nobody knows why! The world's second largest food and beverage company seems to have made a huge fortune selling empty containers! Of course, with costs so low, perhaps in this new timeline they are the largest food and beverage company. Again, I beg your apologies master.

I wish Nintendo made better business decisions.

Nintendo games now only contain the first half of the game. The rest is DLC sold in 3 packages at $19.99 each.

I wish Theros block limited hadn't been so damn boring.