I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook! The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure. Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.
And now I know why you wanted to create multiple polls in one thread
Part of me feels like you could still linger a little more on the end of Corrosion, but I think stopping before the epilogue was the right call, and I think this does a good job of filling in this necessary space in Illarion's timeline.
I don't have a lot to say about Shandrovol. It's an exotic plane but it still feels very much like a Magic plane, and you've done a good job of introducing Phyrexia as a threat and hitting some of the major Phyrexia narrative points without it becoming a copy of Invasion. It's a good world, and I think it'll make for some interesting stories in the future.
Corrosion Yea: 1 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Illarion Vale Yea: 1 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Shandrovol Expansion Yea: 1 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
You know, just a note: since instituting the polls in votes a lot of M:EMbers have been voting without posting. I don't know if this is significant data, but I thought I'd let you know.
Well I've done that a lot recently because usually I've already given commentary within the original threads themselves. People don't put stuff up to vote these days without some sort of preview, and I realized that it was a waste of time to keep posting "well I already said what I wanted to say about this so you know why I'm voting Yea."
I think that addition of more preview time is the other significant factor here.
Giving my thumbs-up to all this. I won't rehash my comments on the story beyond reiterating that I think it's wonderful, and that the edits improved it as well. The Phyrexians have never held much fascination for me, but you've definitely captured their essence here.
Also, I'm a fan of Illarion's. In particular, I like to see 'walkers who fit in a little lower on the raw power curve, so he's a welcome presence in my book.
Yea all around!
Corrosion Yea: 2 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Illarion Vale Yea: 2 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Shandrovol Expansion Yea: 2 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
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Joined: Sep 22, 2013 Posts: 5700 Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
I'm for Shandrovol, except that there are two instances of "Koiskk" and one of "Kosikk". Which is it? Also, how do you pronounce it? With a second k sound like "koi-sk-k" or the same as you would with one k?
Theoretically, there should be a decent number of Phyrexian-infected planes out there, right? I mean, it makes sense that we haven't seen but one recently from WotC, but I'm frankly a little surprised we haven't seen more come into the M:EM, even only in WiP form.
Shandrovol Expansion Yea: 3 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Illarion I like. Actually, reading Corrosion made me want to go and reread Ordinary Day to see how much of Corrosion was mentioned/planned in it. I really like the whole idea of having a fully written history instead of a synopsis in the dossier and stories going forward in time. Plus the whole tourist angle is very relatable; it sounds like something I could end up doing if I became a planeswalker.
Illarion Vale Yea: 3 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Corrosion is... a whole other can of worms. I enjoyed the story, but to be brutally honest, the number of typos, especially in the second half, made it a slog to work through. There's even a portion of missing text early on. The typos themselves are relatively easy to correct, but some others I don't know your intention and I'd like to hear what you were going for. I'm withholding my vote on it for now.
Hey, Tevish! So, I was finally able to read this (as well as Ordinary Day and Homecoming, which I hadn't read yet) and I have to say that Illarion Vale is a pretty fun character. His attitude is infectious (no pun intended with this story, you understand) and he really interacts with people in an amusing way. I also really love the fact that he's not a very powerful mage, and he knows it. Many of us, myself included, have a tendency to create powerful wizards who can do all sorts of amazing things, and while that is interesting at times, it doesn't stand to reason that all 'walkers would be that way. I think it's fair to say that I like Illarion a lot.
Corrosion
I probably don't need to put spoiler tags in a voting thread, but hey, why not? Anyway, I have stated publically on numerous occasions that I dislike Phyrexia in general. They just don't do much for me from a narrative standpoint. That being said, though, I do like this, though, because it's less about the Phyrexians than it is about Illarion and his reaction to them. They serve as a somewhat predictable (once you know they're there, that is) antagonist to the story, and I did feel Kyara's ultimate fate was somewhat easily foreseen, but it was nonetheless well executed. Really, though, once Illarion realized the Phyrexians were involved, he should have insisted that he and Kyara get out of there immediately. I won't go as far as saying it's his own fault, but he should have known better, if he knew enough to know Yawgmoth's name.
Overall, though, very enjoyable story.
Now we come to the matter of the vote. As Luna mentioned, there were numerous typos and small errors that need to be fixed for this story to get in. For the time being, I'm going to vote yea for Illarion and Shandrovol, and NAI for Corrosion, just until the typos are fixed. The story itself, though, is a go for me. Another job well done. [EDIT]If Tevish says the typos are now fixed, that's good enough for me! Changed my vote below to Yea for Corrosion, as well.
Corrosion Yea: 3 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Illarion Vale Yea: 4 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Shandrovol Expansion Yea: 4 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Last edited by RavenoftheBlack on Sat May 17, 2014 6:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
All the typos Luna pointed out should now be fixed.
I really have to thank you for going through and doing that. I'm a pretty fast typist, but not always the most accurate. Believe it or not, I probably catch even more typos than get through while I'm writing. Squiggly red lines under things help that, after all. But some times there will just be something amidst enough proper nouns, or autocorrect will sub in the wrong word, or it will be a single letter left, or I'll just space and miss it. Or I'll revise a sentence three times, walk away before revising it a fourth, and leave the incomplete mishmash in place when I come back. That's particularly embarrassing.
For any of these, having a new set of eyes on it helps a ton.
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I'm a (self) published author now! You can find my books on Amazon in Paperback or ebook! The Accursed, a standalone young adult fantasy adventure. Witch Hunters, book one of a young adult Scifi-fantasy trilogy.
All the typos Luna pointed out should now be fixed.
I really have to thank you for going through and doing that. I'm a pretty fast typist, but not always the most accurate. Believe it or not, I probably catch even more typos than get through while I'm writing. Squiggly red lines under things help that, after all. But some times there will just be something amidst enough proper nouns, or autocorrect will sub in the wrong word, or it will be a single letter left, or I'll just space and miss it. Or I'll revise a sentence three times, walk away before revising it a fourth, and leave the incomplete mishmash in place when I come back. That's particularly embarrassing.
For any of these, having a new set of eyes on it helps a ton.
Yeah, Luna is great with that. Keeper, too. And I'm the same as you, Tevish. I'll typically read over/listen to my stuff at least twice before I put it up, and still I leave errors in there. It's pretty natural.
Joined: Sep 22, 2013 Posts: 5700 Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
Looks great. To be honest, there were probably a half-dozen or less typos that I couldn't have corrected when putting the thing in google docs, like the missing words in part 1, but I'm glad you bothered going through all of them.
I'll be voting Yea, then.
Corrosion Yea: 4 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Illarion Vale Yea: 4 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
Shandrovol Expansion Yea: 4 Nay: Not As Is: Abstain:
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