The pay is "nothing" per post and I won't grade your cards any higher.

in that case let me do it

just so he can't

Thats alright

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY GRADING CARDS SUNDAY

yer hired.

post grades holy god damn

ha ha ko he's given me just enough time to enter how do I do this again

Sahuan Moltmage
Creature - Snake Shaman
Snake creatures you control have molt. (If they would be destroyed and have not molted, instead remove all counters from them and put a molt counter on them. As long as they have a molt counter on them, their power is 0 and their toughness is 1.)
"Magic flows through your skin, brother. What is left behind will not be forgotten." -Sha Tu, Moltmage
2/2

Also da real rules text would read "If they would be destroyed and don't have a molt counter on them" but the simplified version reads cleaner I think. I hope this is related enough to "reanimation" but if not screw you jelly you're not my best friend ok.

wow what a **** bm guy

GRADES
SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY (but actually monday)

Sorry for the delay. Well, not really. Almost sorry. This round's grading, including this text here, is 1230 words. My grades may be ****, but I don't like doing them half-assed, and so it takes time.

p.s. The comments for Van-Oranges were written at a separate point in time from the rest and are therefore more halfhearted and lazy. I'm almost sorry.

AzureShade: First off, let me commend that rhyme. Easily the highlight of the card and easily the best flavor text of the whole round. Not only did you decide to do a rhyme, but the rhyme works. Now, as for the actual card, it kinda has some flaws. Namely with the cost. You're shoving out a 1/1 that you personally have no control over the reanimation. You can't sacrifice it as food. And it comes into play tapped so it can't even block or anything. Now, I'm fine with all of these restrictions, but having it be 4cc is kinda a major "what?" when compared to what that 4cc is bringing out. I think you played it too safe. I could've seen it as 2cc or even some neat graveyard trick like "at the end of your turn, if ~ is in your graveyard, return it to the battlefield tapped." Also, on that note, your reanimation wording is a bit off. There are a few different ways you could go about wording it, but "would" is not proper in that text. This isn't a detracting feature. More of just a note.

YingLung: When I first saw this card, I was like "holy ****". Six damage? Acceleration? But then the more you think about it, the more the card becomes OK. 5cc is a cost that's not way too over the top like "wow, really, you expect me to cast this", but also prevents it from becoming too silly in the game. Also, 3/3 is a nice P/T that allows it to not die to Eager Cadet without being an overly beefed mythic. It's a neat card that I would first pick in draft if only to be a dick. Oh, and the name is good, but the flavor text is "meh". I see where it leads, but it doesn't really strike any chords.

MagicPablo666: Let me get out of the way that I hate un-cards. There's a fine line between "being silly" and "being a joke". Flavor depicting an incontinent Nicol Bolas with accompanying tasteless pun is clearly in the latter grouping. Anyway, flavor aside, the card is... eh. At first glance, the card is awful. Legitimately awful. At a glance, the card is 2cc for a 1/1 flash. Even enter the battlefield effects don't trigger. However, intended or not, I do see the synergy with static, non-ability effects. p.s. "Looses".

Ko_: So... Vigor Mortis in red? Still a very good card and probably the cleanest of the bunch, but there's not much to be said about it.

Dudibus: I hate awkward castings like this. Its effect is certainly too good to be seen below 4cc, but when you reach 4cc, you cast it and think "did I really pay so much for this?". Awkwardness aside, the card really is clean and otherwise "good". The only thing I would really like to see is the awkward mana cost being further justified or twisted to a different route.

The Butt: Ko's grudge and your own toolishness aside (♥), this card is fantastic. From start to finish it's flawless. Well, almost flawless. Cheap reanimation is something that already has its niches mostly filled and there's fierce competition. I would've very much so liked to see this as "converted mana cost X or less from your graveyard to the battlefield". It would've made the card more competitive without disrupting the flavor of the card. Also, I can't really condone the addition of rarity as it's relative based upon the set, but it also has no bearing on the card itself. Which is, again, is relatively flawless.

Imidazoline: I almost feel there could've been a better way to say this. Even if you hadn't forgotten to include "in a graveyard" (which, btw, you forgot to include "in a graveyard".), the card's text feels far too muddled. I'm honestly not sure if there was an easier way to word this. Especially considering you're the one to defend me, I'm so sorry these comments aren't better or more constructive, but D: .

Confused: I'm not sure whether the card is functioning as intended or not as the bestow mechanic does not have the bestower "enter the battlefield" when the creature it's enchanting dies. Anyway, operating under the assumption that your card does function as intended (as you've proven multiple times that you are mostly sane of mind), the card is quite fun. I was at first worried about potential issues of "being broken as balls", but then I remembered that none of the bestow cards are really that over the top nor does bestow allow itself the potential to be that broken unless Emrakul somehow gains bestow. The only real criticism I have of the card is that I would've loved to have seen flavor text. Simply being a "mysical fox wooo" doesn't really provide great context for the card.

Ogre: I've been thinking about this card for an obnoxiously long amount of time, and I've come to multiple conclusions and subsequently tossed them all out. This card feels weird, and I think, after thinking for quite some time, that the reason is the card has no justification for milling your opponent. Not mechanically nor flavor-wise. I agree that mill and reanimation in tandem is something that should have been done a long time ago, but I don't think this was the way to go about it. You go "haha! I milled you!", and then what? There's no reason for milling your opponent. Keeping with the current design and flavor, the only way you could've made the antagonistic milling relevant is by making another Breaking // Entering.

Van: APOLOGIES NOT ACCEPTED. Anyway, the only wording issues are the reanimation should've been "at the beginning of your upkeep" and the sacrifice "at the beginning of your end step." Anyway, anyway, you card, as you likely expected, is indeed broken. It manages to completely outclass both Goblin Guide and Bloodghast. I'm not entirely sure if there was a good way to fix this card without making it a clunky machination of bad. Anyway, anyway, anyway, though you may not have worked your YMtC muscles in a very long time, despite its brokenness, you did create a very clean card with great flavor.

PeregrineV: Next Level Card Design.

Tevish Szat: Since reading this card, it's grown on me. At some points I loved it. At some points I hated it. Currently, I think it's just underpowered. There's not much to it and it doesn't really pop like the rest, but it's just... good. I'm certain anything I have to say about the card you already know.

oranges: I know you meant this to be an asinine joke, but it actually serves well as an example of "how to not make a **** homebrew".

Points!
The Butt: 12
YingLung: 10
oranges: 6
Ko: 4
AzureShade: 3 (dat flavor)
PeregrineV: 3 (spirit award)
Everyone: 4 (first round)

Round Two

Stack the deck! Erratic Explosion into a **** DRACO?!?!??! Well, they're still at 4 life.

Fix this. Make a card that has converted mana cost .

Note: This is not an excuse to jam a thousand abilities onto a card and call it done.

I don't think it would be possible for you to choose a less elegant criteria

Good thing this isn't the Elegance contest.

White Elephant | :20:
Legendary Artifact Creature - Elephant
Hexproof
Cumulative upkeep
When White Elephant dies, target opponent gains control of each permanent you control.
A project so pristine, that you forget how much it costs until it's gone.
20/20

I dunno. Make fun of how expensive it is is apparently my best idea.

Edit: Pfff. As if there's no mana symbol for 20 mana. Clearly required in every set.

But. It wasn't Uncard.

Since I'm a firm believer in there not being cards with CMC of 20+, here's what I came up with:

Ilwaglou, Unsummonable (20)
Legendary Creature - Eldrazi (M)
Annihilator 4
A deck can have no number of cards named Ilwaglou, Unsummonable.

"Many have studied Ilwaglou and her unfathomable nature in the hope that they might be able to harness such power. A crueler passion I've not seen."
- Captain Slixfinger, Surrakar Pirate

16/16

Sort of reverse Relentless Rats. Maybe useful with a wish or something? Flavour meant to imply that the creature is outside of even the most skilled Planeswalker's capacity re:spells castable.

Altar of the Omniscient -
Legendary Artifact
Hexproof, Indestructable
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile your hand, then search your library for 7 cards and put them into your hand.
You may play cards from your hand without paying their manacost.
: Shuffle X cards from your graveyard into your library.


Its hard thinking of what you should get for that cost (without some kinda alternate casting method at least)

edit: i really hate this card but oh well

All-consuming Supernova |
Sorcery
Damage done by ~ can't be prevented.
Exile all permanents you control, and all cards in your graveyard, hand and library. ~ deals X damage divided as you choose between any number of creatures and/or players where X is the number of cards exiled this way.

I can't tell if this is good or bad.




Ultimate Devastation
Sorcery
Ultimate Devastation cannot be countered.
Each opponent loses 10 life.
You gain life equal to the life lost by your opponents this turn.
You get an emblem with "Permanents you control have hexproof. At the beginning of each end step, if it's not your turn, take an extra turn after this one."

given that your previous card was 3 times as much as Life from the Loam and much worse, he probably didn't mean it in a nice way

That's ok. As long as my card "reanimated" something, but nobody would care, then I'm happy.

Dredge From Nightmares
Instant
Affinity for Swamps, Affinity for Islands
Sweep - Return any number of swamps or islands you control to their owner's hand. For each island returned this way, target player returns a permanent they control to its owner's hand. For each swamp returned this way, target player loses 1 life for each card they discard this turn.
That which anchors us to waking chokes us in dreaming.

JUST A HEADS UP my card is going to cost and you can take that to the bank and spend it on a nice dress