First off, the name of the plane is silly because I just needed to name a homeplane for one of my walkers in the contest, and I didn't think I'd ever actually go back and flesh out the world. But here we are, and I present my first draft basic outline for critiques and suggestions:

Tyrla is a plane of abundance. The rich soil, numerous rivers, and stable mild climate ensures that everyone has what he needs. Of course, that does not mean that Tyrla is a peaceful plane. But on Tyrla, battles are not fought over resources, but over ideas. Be it elven politicians, vedalken scholars, or dwarven artisans, everyone has a bone to pick. And while they do not have much need for standing armies, the nations of Tyrla have more than enough conflict within themselves.





Humans show up in all colors. Each non-human sapient race is primary in one color with bleed into two others. However, I have decided to ignore the usual shard/wedge model, so beware:

You might need to rework your mana-tags. Using [noparse][/noparse] works best.

Notes as I read through it:

• Premise is fine.
• Elves don't feel Blue. They don't in general, but here there's nothing making them Blue at all. Maybe expand on that.
• I would do away with the "7%" thing. It just stands out. Maybe rewrite that bit.
• I feel like the Blue in the Dwarves can be replaced by Green. That, to me, seems to fit their holistic worldview better.
• Orcs sound fine, best color-to-race combination so far. I would be wary of using two "non-standard" races on one plane. Is there a specific reason you're using Orcs?
• How important, exactly, is religion on this plane? How does it influence the world? Are the myths true?
• Why totalitarian matriarchy vs semi-democratic patriarchy. I won't get into feminist critiques on this idea (although I could), but why this choice? Doesn't really fit the way lions work, which would be opposite of this.
• I don't think the joke of the long tribe names works for a plane. This would be genuinely, incredibly funny in a story and it's very Pratchett-esque, but for a plane, it doesn't really work.
• How successful is being land for Humans? Have they carved out their specific piece of the plane? How come they haven't had a homeland, if the plane is so incredibly rich in everything.
• I'm not really seeing how the abundance plays a role in this plane. I expected a plane of huge empires who would decide enemy and ally by the power of oratory skills. Where great military leaders were known for their speeches and physical strength as much as their tactics. Where dozens of conflicting ideologies are constantly in flux. But I'm not seeing it here. Your premise has potential, but your descriptions aren't really living up to that.
• How do the different races interact?

I was thinking that the political intrigue makes them blue. The assassinations are the black part.


This, as well as some other things, are just little jokes that put in, and am not planning to keep in the finished version of the play. Mostly filler. It will be rewritten


I came from the point that the perfection was blue, and the community focus was white. Also, I wanted to keep the colors equal (primary in one, secondary in two), so changing this would require me to switch a green to a blue elsewhere.


I actually originally picked orcs because none of the standard black races fit the concept I wanted. And then the orcs ended up fitting perfectly to how I wanted my black race to be.


As I mentioned, religion is pretty casual to everyone but the Leonin. It is more of a general belief than an active religion for most. As for if it's true or not, I haven't actually decided yet, and I don't know if it's really important. After all, if I make actual decisions about that, i would have to decide which of the Leonin factions is right, and I'd rather have them be equals.


I threw the Leonin writeup together quite quickly, and I just threw some things in there without thinking too much about it. This critique is very valid, so I'm just going to scrap that part for now, and then revisit their exact systems of government later.


This was mostly another joke that I wasn't planning on carrying over to the final version, but I don't think there's anything wrong with the basic concept as long as I keep it to three or maybe four splits. This is very much built on real-world church splits, where a guy will form the "True Redeemed Holy Lord of All Church" after a disagreement with the leaders of the "Original Redeemed Holy Lord of All Church". Trust me, it happens.

I have answers for the rest of your questions too, but it's late and I have to go. Will get back to you soon.

My critique on the colors stems, I think, mostly from the fact that the descriptions are rather brief. After fleshing them out, I might have less objections.

But political intrigue really doesn't strike me as necessarily Blue.

I have a few issues:

The elves don't feel like elves nor do they feel green. Politics feels so civilized to define green.

I don't get the green in the orcs at all.

I like the race selections, but I'm with Yxo on the needing more depth to help

I hadn't actually thought too much about that. Actually, I think I might add a third continent, which has a much harsher climate and is generally unfriendly. And that's where the Humans are originally from. Maybe it used to be as nice and hospitable as the rest of the plane, and then something messed it up, and the Humans sought out another place to live. By then the other races were all firmly established in their respective areas, and so the Humans just kept moving.


Well, I came at it from a different direction. I worked from the idea that once you have what you need, there are very few reasons for major conflicts. As in, they don't really have standing armies, because they don't really have a reason to do war. I was kinda tired of WotC introducing a new plane every year and having it torn to pieces by a world-wide conflict. This plane focuses on petty, unnecessary conflicts instead. Does that make sense?


They are usually friendly with each other (with the exception that a lot of Orcs don't like Dwarves), and there is a lot of trade between the cultures. There is usually more conflict between members of a single race than between the races.

[Also, this is my 100th post on these boards! Go me!]

People don't have conflict for the sake of conflict. I don't think that has ever happened in human history. From your introduction, you made it seem like the conflicts on this plane where about ideas and ideologies and not recourses. And to be honest, I found that very interesting, because you don't actually see that very often in our world (it might come across as that, but generally speaking, it's about recourses). In my opinion, that's what you should focus on.

And if you continue that idea, the races will have more animosity between them, because that's where the breaklines will be.

I'd like you to know that I started reading this before, got stopped, and have it on my "things to get to when I'm fluffing off" list, so it's possible I might get around to giving some feedback before the things that are actually more important.

I am intrigued, but will hold off saying anything until I have properly read through everything.