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| [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=9943 |
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| Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter |
Found Here If accepted, this piece will be public |
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| Author: | Lord LunaEquie is me [ Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter |
Typos: Quote: It was a small deer, but it was more than good enough, an a larget one would be hard to bring back to town along the route he had taken into the woods. Should be "and a larger one". Quote: Kaja reached up and placed two ingers on the arrowhead, pushing it slightly aside. Should be "fingers". Quote: Ivar smiled slightly. “It will be good to see the north again. How soon can we go. Missing quotation marks and should end in a question mark. Quote: Ivar could count for Ulfr, Probably supposed to be "four Ulfr". ---- I want to ask about this line: Quote: “You’re sure?” Ivar asked, “After… after all I’ve said.” Is it purposefully ending in a period, or did you mean for that to be a question mark? I can see it as either way. ---- So, I actually quite liked this one. I felt it progressed rather nicely from mystery to horror (at least for Ivar), and I also really liked how it ended (after Ivar transformed back). I need to go back and check the Aralheim guide, because I don't recall mention of the belief of anything like Skoll and that is fascinating to me. |
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| Author: | Tevish Szat [ Mon Jun 22, 2015 11:51 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter |
I've edited those typos, including the one you weren't sure on (which was a typo). |
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| Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter |
I like the story in general. I'm still not particularly fond of the Wolf section, but I thought the rest was quite good. "Yea." |
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| Author: | Lunar Mystic [ Wed Jul 01, 2015 2:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Aralheim] The Hunter |
My goodness, you just killed it with the interaction between ivar and vivianne! it made my heart flutter, dude. Interestingly, I butchered a deers front-quarters recently! I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but had to. Rettrborg is such a gross name for a town...lol lol at "...the creature could not be induced to go farther..." -And the rest of the paragraph was even funnier! hahahah! And the next stanza has even more hilarity! I'd better stop before I die a'laughing.... seeing as how I have a propensity for imagining myself as the main character. I believe that your plot-twists are an ingral part of the story-telling you do. What better way to say more, with less. I liked the plot twist. You did well to incorporate it with continuity. Oh... and the card idea is pretty sweet, too. Yea. |
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