Typo:
Quote:
the towering vase rushing up to meant Ygraine
Should be "meet Ygraine".
This line:
Quote:
"Please, I don’t want more people to get involved in this mess and have you. ["]
I don't know what you mean by "and have you".
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There are times you capitalize "the River Neth" and other times you leave it "the river Neth", so I'm not sure which it's supposed to be.
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Honestly, I was expecting this piece to be longer, though unlike others I didn't feel like it was all that short. I kept having to stop to record names, though, so that might have contributed to it. I'm... honestly not sure what to make of it. I guess I like the opening battle bit on the dragon, and I guess I like the way you expand on Denner's home plane, but I can't say I really enjoyed it through reading. I just don't think I was able to really connect with what was happening. I'm not going to vote just yet so I can think on it a little while.