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[Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit
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Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Jun 06, 2015 7:59 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

Title: Belfry Spirit
Poet: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public

Belfry Spirit

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

This is a typically fine poem from our unofficial M:EM poet laureate. (Which, by the way, we should totally just make official, and be done with it.)

I'm particularly fond of this line:

Quote:
Within those cold and rust-encrusted tones,

"Rust-encrusted" just sounds wonderful, and I love the way it feels, rolling off the tongue.

(I confess that I can't remember the technical term for a rhyme which happens in the middle of a word, but, whatever it is, I love the use here.)

Anyway, "yea" from me!

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Fri Jun 12, 2015 2:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

This is a typically fine poem from our unofficial M:EM poet laureate. (Which, by the way, we should totally just make official, and be done with it.)

I'm particularly fond of this line:

Quote:
Within those cold and rust-encrusted tones,

"Rust-encrusted" just sounds wonderful, and I love the way it feels, rolling off the tongue.

(I confess that I can't remember the technical term for a rhyme which happens in the middle of a word, but, whatever it is, I love the use here.)

Anyway, "yea" from me!

Thanks! I've always been proud of "rust-encrusted tones" as a line.

Although, I will say my favorite stanza in this poem is the one right after that one:
"But something colder still awaits above,
Between the rafter's rotten, wooden beams,
Is this the thing your nightmares warned you of,
As, cowering, you prayed for sweeter dreams?"

I'm just really happy with how it came together (the whole poem, really, but especially this stanza.)

Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Sun Jun 21, 2015 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

Great work as usual, Raven! It is... what is the right word? Haunting?

Only one issue: I don't know if I'm just reading it wrong, but the third line of the stanza

"A spirit of the dead patrols the boards,
That craft the withered belfry tower floor,
With longing he will cast his gazes towards
A world he cannot wander anymore."

Doesn't scan right to me. I think it would read better as singular "gaze".

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sun Jun 21, 2015 6:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

Aaarrrgh wrote:
Great work as usual, Raven! It is... what is the right word? Haunting?

Only one issue: I don't know if I'm just reading it wrong, but the third line of the stanza

"A spirit of the dead patrols the boards,
That craft the withered belfry tower floor,
With longing he will cast his gazes towards
A world he cannot wander anymore."

Doesn't scan right to me. I think it would read better as singular "gaze".

Thanks!

Are you pronouncing "towards" as two syllables? That would throw it off. When I read this poem, I pronounce it as one.

With longing he will cast his gazes towards.

Author:  Aaarrrgh [ Sun Jun 21, 2015 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

I do pronounce "towards" with two syllables. I don't think I've ever heard it as one. But hey, you're the English professor here. If you say it's correct to say it as a monosyllable, I'll take your word for it. And also, I'll vote Yea.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sun Jun 21, 2015 7:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

Aaarrrgh wrote:
I do pronounce "towards" with two syllables. I don't think I've ever heard it as one. But hey, you're the English professor here. If you say it's correct to say it as a monosyllable, I'll take your word for it. And also, I'll vote Yea.

Admittedly, it's a word that can go either way. It's like the word "memory," which can be pronounced at two syllables "Mem-ry" or three "mem-o-ry." In all honesty, I suspect that a two-syllable "towards" is probably more correct, and the one-syllable version is probably more informal/lazy.

~shrug~

Thanks for reading!

Author:  Lord LunaEquie is me [ Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

Aaarrrgh wrote:
I do pronounce "towards" with two syllables. I don't think I've ever heard it as one.

Same here, although I don't have the ear to say whether it sounds off as it is.

Author:  KeeperofManyNames [ Sat Jun 27, 2015 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] [Poem] Belfry Spirit

This was a delightful little gothic number. Well done.

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