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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:08 pm 
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I plan on using this character in an upcoming story, but I wanted her to be voted into the M:EM first. Some of you may remember her from Barinellos' Walker Creation Contest: MK. 4 a while back. She did not end up winning, but I enjoyed the character so much that I've decided to present her here, separate of the contest.

Anyway, she's fairly straightforward - let me know what you think:

Aloise Hartley

Appearance
Spoiler


Background
Spoiler


Aloise, the Explorer (Card)
Spoiler


Short Story - Stars and Smoke
Spoiler


EDIT: Oh, also tangentially related - Raven, should we be putting those stories up for vote? If so, should they be voted on separately or as a whole - and if THAT is the case, do you want to wait until the story ACTUALLY closes, or...? I suppose you can send me a PM about this.

EDITEDIT: Added the story. Phew. I got super emotional over the revelation that the next Homestuck Update will be the last (and the largest) so I decided to channel those feelings into writing this. Not sure how well it turned out, so let me know!

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Last edited by RuwinReborn on Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:40 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:28 pm 
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Actually, with characters, you don't vote for the character until you have a story for them, unless there is some extenuating circumstances.
So, you should hold off on voting for her until your story is put together.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:33 pm 
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Barinellos wrote:
Actually, with characters, you don't vote for the character until you have a story for them, unless there is some extenuating circumstances.
So, you should hold off on voting for her until your story is put together.


...See, that makes sense.

Righto, just ignore this then - I'll put the character and the story up to vote once I'm finished with it. Thanks!

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 10:46 am 
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RuwinReborn wrote:
EDIT: Oh, also tangentially related - Raven, should we be putting those stories up for vote? If so, should they be voted on separately or as a whole - and if THAT is the case, do you want to wait until the story ACTUALLY closes, or...? I suppose you can send me a PM about this.

I have no problem talking about it here. I see no reason not to start getting them up for vote. I'm inclined to think we should wait a week until the currently up-for-vote stuff is finalized, but I have no real reason for that beyond the fact that three of the four voting items are mine.
Of course, with the rules we're going with, I don't think the voting technically starts till next Monday anyway, so it likely doesn't matter.
As for waiting until the story arc closes, that's going to be a long wait. It'll be a little while before I can even start on the next part, and it's going to take some time to write. So I would say there's no need to wait for that.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:23 am 
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Added story to the original post. Let me know what you think!

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:35 am 
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RuwinReborn wrote:
Added story to the original post. Let me know what you think!
That's a short story?! :takei:
But in all seriousness, I'm eager to dig into this; but I'm currently trying to keep my and our (meaning the M:EM) focus on completing the Innistrad Anthology in time for Halloween, so I'm not going to dive in right away.

Sooo, with the story added on, does that mean this is officially "ready to vote?" It would start on Monday, if it is.

RuwinReborn wrote:
EDITEDIT: Added the story. Phew. I got super emotional over the revelation that the next Homestuck Update will be the last (and the largest) so I decided to channel those feelings into writing this. Not sure how well it turned out, so let me know!

Wait, what?
*typity type, enter* *read*
Oooohhh. Coolio.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:47 am 
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Nice little story there, although now I wish I knew more about this, what was it, Fisco? He seems interesting. :laugh:

In all seriousness, I like her naivety, and it plays well against Fisco's all-business approach. Her perky, upbeat attitude also serves as a nice foil for Fisco's often heavy character.

My one concern here is that we really don't get a ton of her character in this piece. This seems almost more like a story about Fisco than one about her. That's not necessarily a bad thing, since not every character can or should be a MAIN character, just something I noticed.

Still, though, I think she has some potential.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 11:33 am 
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jeSUS FREAKING CHRIST HOW DO YOU WRITE SO QUICKLY AAFHLHEFLUEHKFJHJFHAO:FHOHKJFHKJFHDK

I'll try to read this sometime today.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 1:59 pm 
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Ehehe, reading through it again, I found some of my signature grammar mistakes. Classic Ruwin. (T_T)

@LordLuna: Hey, you do you. No one's required to read this stuff. I just put it up in case anyone is interested, you know? You all seem to like Fisco, and I'm eager to actually move forward and maybe complete his character arc. That's what this is setting the groundwork for - Fisco Vane has appeared in a lot of stories in his short time as part of the M:EM, but I want him to actually progress as a character. (Which is difficult since part of his progression as a character is the fact that he does not progress. ??? So confused. I'll figure it out. These things usually fall into place for me anyway, and I'm just all like "YEA I MEANT TO DO THAT TOTALLY.")

@Raven: See, I was concerned about that. Aloise is going to be a big part of Fisco's story - maybe not from now on, but she's important. I'll let you speculate as to how she's important, but I'll just say now that it's definitely not as a love interest. We've been down that road before and I don't need to be re-hashing old conflicts. (Besides, then I'd feel creepy. I mean, she is 23, but writing for her she seems more like... 16 or something. Bllblbrbrlllugh. Heebly Jeebies.) Anyway, it's important that I set the stage with her introduction as a tie-in to Fisco, so that the readers know what story arc she is a part of, but I want her to be her own entity, because in order for people to understand what comes next, I need them to understand Aloise.

THAT ALL BEING SAID. What about the piece, in particular, drew away from Aloise and towards Fisco? I wanted to make it clear that she was very observant - of everything but herself. She rarely realizes what she is doing, but takes the time to examine Fisco's features in detail. She's honest, empathetic, and very, very naive, which I believe I showed well. Mostly carefree and wants to believe everyone else is intrinsically good. I guess I want to know how to shore up her personality of "Meet new people, learn new things!!!" so any advice would be appreciated.

@Keeper: Well, I slammed this out in like a two hour session of mixed emotion last night. I always do my strongest writing when I'm feeling nostalgic or touched by something. I guess they call that inspiration? I got really down when I heard that the last update was coming - probably before the year's over. Man - I never really understood how much that hyper-comic means to me, but looking back, I've been reading it for a year now and so many of these characters I just feel so strongly for. Really, this is my first experience with actively empathizing with a fictional group of people, so I'm not really surprised that I was all mixed up with excitement and sadness over the gigapause.

Uhh, ok I'm gonna step out of the Horn pile and end the feelings jam, I think. What I meant to get at was, I type really fast and with almost no thought when I feel strongly about something. Makes my mind work more quickly. (Which is unfortunate, because my brain already outruns my mouth, so when I'm upset or really excited my stutter gets worse O_o hence why writing is my preferred medium I suppose.)


OK STOP TYPING RUWIN TIME TO GO TO THAT JOB INTERVIEW.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:10 pm 
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RuwinReborn wrote:
@Raven: See, I was concerned about that. Aloise is going to be a big part of Fisco's story - maybe not from now on, but she's important. I'll let you speculate as to how she's important, but I'll just say now that it's definitely not as a love interest. We've been down that road before and I don't need to be re-hashing old conflicts. (Besides, then I'd feel creepy. I mean, she is 23, but writing for her she seems more like... 16 or something. Bllblbrbrlllugh. Heebly Jeebies.) Anyway, it's important that I set the stage with her introduction as a tie-in to Fisco, so that the readers know what story arc she is a part of, but I want her to be her own entity, because in order for people to understand what comes next, I need them to understand Aloise.

THAT ALL BEING SAID. What about the piece, in particular, drew away from Aloise and towards Fisco? I wanted to make it clear that she was very observant - of everything but herself. She rarely realizes what she is doing, but takes the time to examine Fisco's features in detail. She's honest, empathetic, and very, very naive, which I believe I showed well. Mostly carefree and wants to believe everyone else is intrinsically good. I guess I want to know how to shore up her personality of "Meet new people, learn new things!!!" so any advice would be appreciated.

Spoiler


So, it's not that there's any problem there, I just think Fisco carries a lot more weight as a character, but as I said, a lot of that might be his pre-existing history. I don't know if any of that makes sense or not. But I don't think it's a problem that needs fixing, or anything.

Hope your interview goes/went well!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:54 pm 
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I was a bit disappointed that it had to rely on Fisco, but for what it is it allowed some insight on Aloise. I just wish she had another story where she could shine on her own.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 8:06 pm 
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@Raven: Yea, Fisco's side of the story does seem more like Fisco, so it probably feels right. But that's just how Fisco is. He's dynamic. He moves the story forward by taking it with him. It follows him because he has such a strong gravity. And, like you said, you're already familiar with Fisco's antics, so I'm not really surprised his story feels more compelling inasmuch as it is actually a story.

Aloise, though, is not Fisco. (Which I'm sure is abundantly clear.) Fisco doesn't deal with defied expectations. Fisco doesn't forgive people. And Fisco kills. Aloise is practically a child, and because she is just Aloise Hartley, the wandering child, she does not have all this stigma. She's not known as "The Shark". She's not feared as the specter "Ol' Smokey" on an entire plane. Like you said, Fisco's character is heavy. Heavy with meaning, and power, and regret, and anger, and resentment, and all these things Fisco keeps way down deep inside that fuel his interactions with the Multiverse.

Aloise is a blank slate. She hasn't been burned. (Well, she almost was.) She has this excellent semi-familial support group to return home to. There is nothing making Aloise heavy. Nothing keeping her down. And I wanted to express that, even in the presence of Fisco, who usually drags everyone into the center of his gravity so that they function on his level, Aloise is above that. She's not effected by his scare tactics, or his name. Is it because she doesn't know any better? Yes, of course it is.

Aloise wants to know, but she needs to know better. Fisco already laid it out for her: "Drop the stupid, it'll get you killed." And he's definitely not coming to her rescue anytime soon. So, Aloise, who is so focused on learning, needs to really learn something. That was the real point here - and though she romanticizes the experience of meeting another 'walker for the first time, she'll begin to understand that, more than anything else, the Multiverse is a scary place.

And she'll have to decided whether or not to be afraid.

@Helios: Well, I wouldn't say it relied on Fisco. Really, any other planeswalker could have fit the bill. Fisco is here because I need to show that they met. He's here first because I needed to show how she reacts to his abrasive personality.

As for a story where she shines on her own, all in good time. Fisco didn't really take off as a character until Two Bullets - I'm not sure Aloise will get the same treatment (I think her character would benefit from a series of short stories.) but she'll get plenty of time to shine.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:04 am 
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Hmmmm, this character's existence is making me reassess some of the things I had planned... I can't decide whether she renders a character I was working on redundant, or whether it actually makes for a great opportunity to bounce the characters off each other...

I liked the story. Raven's right in that Fisco has more of a narrative arc here, but it serves well as an introduction to Aloise. She's got a little of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl in her DNA, but in your capable hands I'm sure she'll be ok. Yeah, solid character, solid introduction. Well done :D

(and you called Homestuck a hypercomic <3 <3 <3 <3)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:46 pm 
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@Keeper: Thanks! :D It is actually sort of amusing me from a meta perspective that Fisco is the one in the story with an actual, orderly narrative, and Aloise is just sort of doing things.

I accidentally did that ON PURPOSE.

As for your character, well, Aloise isn't interested in cornering the market on peppy, adventurist girls, and neither am I!

@Raven: Oh, the interview did go well, thank you. :D I should get a call back on Tuesday.

@Anyone in the know: So, this would go up for official vote tomorrow, correct?

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:01 pm 
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The thing is, she's NOT a peppy adventurer girl... but maybe she SHOULD be for the purpose she'll be fulfilling.

But then I realized that having her be aware of the fact that Aloise might be a better choice for [redacted] would be... well, cruel, but in a narratively interesting way.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:04 pm 
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I've said what I want to about this one. Everything looks good to me.

Yea: 1
Nay:
NAI:


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:52 pm 
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You know, call it over-exposure, call it ignorance, call it whatever you want, but whenever I see blond hair & blue eyes, I immediately think "Nazi symbolism!"

That's obviously not what you're going for here, but it's the first thing that actually comes to mind for me.

Anyway, on to business!
I really enjoyed the story, though it may be because of Fisco being in it... personally, I don't see it as being more centered on Fisco so much as he's there to showcase the differences between them -- in essence, to show how lightly Aloise is taking some deathly serious stuff. Although I have to wonder how she managed to keep that outlook after being on Jakkard, which I've been led to believe is almost as bad as Zendikar on the life-threat-o-meter.

The character itself... while there's nothing wrong with her, she just doesn't really grab my attention. If it were just the character, I'd probably say NAI, but since this is kind of a dual-vote on both her and the story here attached to her, I'll say Yea.

Yea: 2
Nay:
NAI:

--------------------------------------

I want to ask this: should stories like this be posted separate from the characters in the Archives?
I'm of two minds of it, myself, since medium-length stories like this could stand on their own, while Vasilias's story (in his character sheet) is really a little too short and lacking the proper reference points to exist outside of his dossier.

--------------------------------------

RuwinReborn wrote:
Spoiler
I see what you did there.

KeeperofManyNames wrote:
(and you called Homestuck a hypercomic <3 <3 <3 <3)
Um... I'm confused. :huh:

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:37 pm 
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Lord LunaEquie is me wrote:
I want to ask this: should stories like this be posted separate from the characters in the Archives?
I'm of two minds of it, myself, since medium-length stories like this could stand on their own, while Vasilias's story (in his character sheet) is really a little too short and lacking the proper reference points to exist outside of his dossier.

That's a pretty interesting question. You're right, that pieces like Vasilias, and Gruff, and I think even Fisco's intro story, are all better served when it's made clear that they are introductory pieces. Conversely, to me, this piece is NOT an introductory piece, but rather a story that features the character.

In general, I'm more inclined to say that stories should be separate, and maybe link stories that feature the character, though that might imply that all stories should be voted on separate and distinct from their characters. I guess for now I'll have to go with doing it on a case by case basis, leaning towards separate.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:03 pm 
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The story is good. As for the character, she's cool but not overly inspiring for me. But that's not all her fault.

Yay: 3
Nay:
Not as is:
Abstain:


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 26, 2013 8:40 pm 
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So, assuming this gets in, which I guess it can be with three Yea and a technical (fourth) Abstain, where does that leave the story?

Which would you want, Ruwin? Have it all in one place or let the story stand on its own as "Aloise's first appearance"?

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