Blah blah, blah, Public, blah, blah, blah, read here

See my comments on the dossier for my general thoughts.

The story is very good, and it gets my "yea."

This line initially confused me because I thought it was arguing in favor of staying to the main roads and crowds; I think removing the "the" before "towns" would make it clearer for me, though I don't know if anyone else had that issue.


Should be "and".


A missing comma between "chairs" and "a couple".

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I echo Ruwins sentiments re: the ending monologue. It doesn't feel quite right to me — almost too cliché. It feels more like something she had to say because of a script, rather than something that entered her mind as a complete thought. Though, it might simply be that I cannot relate to her, not even knowing people who acted similarly. I will withhold my vote at the moment until I finish the other two stories in this short trilogy.

Voting yea.

I think the problem with the end is that dialog that Lourima fills in. Because it's in quotation marks, it seems like Lourima is literally speaking that part, but from the other woman's point of view, and then responding to it herself. So, while I would like to see that re-worked slightly to avod the confusion it causes, the piece itself is still an easy "Yea" from me, even if I like the other two installments a bit better.

Oh... yeah, I can see now how that might be causing issues. I'll correct that so Lourima is more clearly just filling in, in her head, what she thinks the woman means.