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The Cruel Finale
Poll ended at Tue Mar 18, 2014 5:56 pm
Yea 80%  80%  [ 4 ]
Nay 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Not As Is 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Abstain 20%  20%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 5
Total voters : 5
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 5:56 pm 
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Here is my other remaining non-voted-in Amphiseum piece, the deliciously decadent Cruel Finale, which shows the arena in the "good ol' days." This is mostly the same as the version I originally posted, with a few added paragraphs near the end. Enjoy!

Title: The Cruel Finale
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public

The Cruel Finale


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:39 pm 
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This is kind of what I imagine Arena would have been like if it had been written by the Coen Brothers.

The Dual-Walkers make my skin crawl, but that's a good bad thing. Thumbs-up.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:17 pm 
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Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
Typo
Quote:
its mammoth framed heavily muscled under its thick, dull, purple hide
should be "frame" (singular).

Typo: 1 instance of "Duel-Walker"

Typo:
Quote:
She has been out greatest attraction in the Games."

Should be "our greatest attraction."

Man, that was thrilling. I mean, even when I knew what was going on, and Penelophine asks the question, my stomach still dropped. I think you do a much better job on the characterization in this one than the action scenes; which is not to say that the latter aren't well done as well. I just think the action serves to accentuate the characterization you do rather than stand on its own as all that memorable.

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Know your roots.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 8:37 pm 
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I am chastened and shamed by my plethora of mistakes I have made... :cry:

Also, glad you liked it! I was really happy with how things turned out with Penelophine. She really adds that note of humanity, which is pretty ironic, I guess, seeing how she's not human, but the Dual-Walkers are.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 8:45 pm 
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Another one has been Accepted into the Archives.


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