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[Vote] The Tale of the Gilded Jar
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Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Jul 27, 2019 1:02 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote] The Tale of the Gilded Jar

Title: The Tale of the Gilded Jar
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 3078

This is for the voting period of August, 2019.

Because part of this story is so heavily inspired by another story, I would ask that the acknowledgement be a part of the submission in this case.

Acknowledgements


The Tale of the Gilded Jar

Author:  razorborne [ Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The Tale of the Gilded Jar

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this story. I like the central part a lot, but the bookending feels a bit odd. mainly the framing of it forces me to ask why Sannia knew just enough to target this house, the house containing the current hero's honor, but not enough to just already know the story. the jar is on display in the house but is it visible from outside? did she have her spider spies go looking for someone who had an interesting object? or did she just pick a house at random and it happened to be this one? I feel like it leaves some unanswered questions that probably don't have particularly interesting answers, so I'd rather the piece just told me what was up a bit more. like, even a single line that was like "she knew there'd been something about that jar" or "she was lucky she'd picked such an interesting house" or anything to clear that up. that said, I feel like that's a lot more my hang-up than it is a problem with the story itself, and I enjoyed the characters and world-building a lot, I just got a bit thrown by the lack of specificity in how Sannia operates. the rest of it is good and I don't feel like my issues warrant a NAI so, yes from me, just if you develop this character in further stories that might be something to keep in mind.

:duel:

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The Tale of the Gilded Jar

razorborne wrote:
I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this story. I like the central part a lot, but the bookending feels a bit odd. mainly the framing of it forces me to ask why Sannia knew just enough to target this house, the house containing the current hero's honor, but not enough to just already know the story. the jar is on display in the house but is it visible from outside? did she have her spider spies go looking for someone who had an interesting object? or did she just pick a house at random and it happened to be this one? I feel like it leaves some unanswered questions that probably don't have particularly interesting answers, so I'd rather the piece just told me what was up a bit more. like, even a single line that was like "she knew there'd been something about that jar" or "she was lucky she'd picked such an interesting house" or anything to clear that up. that said, I feel like that's a lot more my hang-up than it is a problem with the story itself, and I enjoyed the characters and world-building a lot, I just got a bit thrown by the lack of specificity in how Sannia operates. the rest of it is good and I don't feel like my issues warrant a NAI so, yes from me, just if you develop this character in further stories that might be something to keep in mind.

:duel:

Thanks for reading, commenting, and voting, razor! I appreciate it. I see what you are saying about the way Sannia operates, and her methods are maybe a bit more understandable when you know who she is. Sannia is a pre-existing M:EM character, although we have never seen her like this before, so the questions you raise still very much apply. The way I think about this story is that, in all likelihood, Sannia already knows the basics of the story, but wants to hear it from the person/people most affected by it. In a broad sense, the character has sort of behaved like this before (if you sort of squint at the details), but again, there is nothing in this story that spells out who she is, so you would have to already know.

I'm glad the internal story worked for you. I was a little concerned about it.

Author:  razorborne [ Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The Tale of the Gilded Jar

ah, word, didn't realize. in that case it's probably ok.

:duel:

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