No Goblins Allowed
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/

[Vote] The End of Hours
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=22615
Page 1 of 1

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Jan 26, 2019 4:35 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote] The End of Hours

Title: The End of Hours
Author: RavenoftheBlack
Status: Public
Word Count: 2885

This is for the voting "week" of February.

The End of Hours

Author:  Barinellos [ Sat Feb 02, 2019 5:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The End of Hours

So, naturally I'm voting yes on this.
Given the hand I had in inspiring it, I feel like this is the sort of thing that exemplifies what the MEM is, at its heart.

Author:  razorborne [ Fri Apr 05, 2019 3:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The End of Hours

I really like how the imply uses beauty to imply functionality so the reader (or, at least, me) is primed to assume it's a really good rifle. makes it seem for a bit like maybe he's gonna get out of it 'cause I was assuming the rifle was real.

:duel:

Author:  Lord LunaEquie is me [ Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The End of Hours

Quote:
He wore a brown baloth-leather hat low, and wore a faded poncho that had once been red, green, and blue, but now looked more like dusty shades of tan.

I don't think that second "wore" is necessary here, as it sounds repetitive and you've already established that you're describing the character's appearance.

Other than that, I really liked it. I was spoiled to the ending because I glanced at some of the comments here beforehand, so the entire time I was kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was worth it. Your descriptions of The Duchess in particular was masterfully creepy. The only part I didn't think was strictly necessary was saying that Hours ended up back at his shop -- not that I think it should be taken out, but it adds a layer of gruesomeness that I personally don't like, especially when we're already given an idea of how large the explosion was.

Easy Yea from I.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Thu Apr 25, 2019 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote] The End of Hours

Quote:
He wore a brown baloth-leather hat low, and wore a faded poncho that had once been red, green, and blue, but now looked more like dusty shades of tan.

I don't think that second "wore" is necessary here, as it sounds repetitive and you've already established that you're describing the character's appearance.

Other than that, I really liked it. I was spoiled to the ending because I glanced at some of the comments here beforehand, so the entire time I was kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was worth it. Your descriptions of The Duchess in particular was masterfully creepy. The only part I didn't think was strictly necessary was saying that Hours ended up back at his shop -- not that I think it should be taken out, but it adds a layer of gruesomeness that I personally don't like, especially when we're already given an idea of how large the explosion was.

Easy Yea from I.

This is just me personally, but I don't tend to read that line as literal, more like a grizzled old storyteller telling an old story and adding a bit of snark at the end. But even if it is literal...I don't dislike the visual... :blush:

Thanks for reading and voting!

Page 1 of 1 All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
http://www.phpbb.com/