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| [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=1914 |
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| Author: | Tevish Szat [ Fri Jan 03, 2014 6:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
West Wind, by Tevish Szat |
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| Author: | Aaarrrgh [ Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
I'm loving all of these. I think you balanced the character building with the action in a good way. I really want to know what happens next... |
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| Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
Gets a yea from me. This one is my favorite of the bunch. Excited to see how this sets up the larger plot. |
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| Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Tue Jan 07, 2014 6:40 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
I'm with Orcish, this is my favorite of the four. I don't have a ton to say about it, but the world felt pretty alive from your description, which I didn't get as much from Skin Deep or In The Palace of the Emperor. I thought this was very good, and like the others, I look forward to seeing where it goes. The only typo I noticed was in the paragraph beginning “She checked the broken altimeter again,” you say "insight" rather than "in sight." But yeah, definitely a Yea from me. |
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| Author: | Lord LunaEquie is me [ Tue Jan 07, 2014 7:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
I understand completely what you mean, but I'm more used to the full phrase "bastard child," rather than the singular "bastard," in the descriptor case. Just food for thought. Typo: Quote: No debris insight, Should be "in sight." This line: Quote: There was something more wrong than a broken altimeter. Is just incredibly awkward to me. I would phrase it "Something more was wrong than a broken altimeter." I think this line: Quote: someone in the court was going to make a move against House Kestrel, though he didn’t know exactly who or didn’t want to commit it to writing. Would read better if it had an "either," like "though he either didn't know exactly who or"... I like this piece more than the other, but it really is very leading, to the point of feeling unfinished, like a single chapter from a novel. If you're building on this further, or at least plan to, then I'm all for it; but I'll hold off for now until I work through your other Adrisar stories. |
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| Author: | Lord LunaEquie is me [ Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
Okay, now that I've read the other Adrisar stories and understand what you are going for with "The Big Adrisar Plot", I'm comfortable voting Yea on this, assuming it is going to be implemented into the "Big Adrisar Plot". |
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| Author: | Yxoque [ Sat Jan 11, 2014 7:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
My main "problem" is that it leaves me wanting more, which is a good problem to have. The falling part was really exciting to read. Yea. |
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| Author: | M:EM Archivist [ Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story][Adrisar]West Wind |
This work has now been Accepted into the Archives. |
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