No Goblins Allowed :: [vote] Lady under the Mountain

Quote:

And immediately at the sword point of a dozen immobile golems. He blinked and raised his hands, flipping through his memory for the word Maral had made up for this precise situation. Unfortunately, as the golems' heavy tread came ever nearer and incantation after incantation failed to halt their ominous progress, Raleris was left with an unsettling conclusion.

"Immobile" and "treading closer" seem physically incompatible. Perhaps a word like "unflinching" would work better here.

Quote:

Half finished projects

Half-finished

Quote:

Raleris tugged at his beard. “I’ve been searching for my replacement for years. Countless names added to and then scratched off that list.

This immediately made me think of the story Ariva, City of Wonders, and how at the end we see Raleris had been the one telling the story and the little girl caught his attention. I wonder if she was ever on that list...?

Quote:

“I am going to hit you, Raleris. I will hit you so hard and keep hitting you until you're a wee smear on my floor.”

Are you channeling some inner rage here? Should Raven and I be worried?

Author:	Barinellos [ Sun Sep 11, 2016 2:03 am ]
Post subject:	[vote] Lady under the Mountain
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=15385

Author:	Lord LunaEquie is me [ Thu Sep 15, 2016 1:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: [vote] Lady under the Mountain
wordings Quote: And immediately at the sword point of a dozen immobile golems. He blinked and raised his hands, flipping through his memory for the word Maral had made up for this precise situation. Unfortunately, as the golems' heavy tread came ever nearer and incantation after incantation failed to halt their ominous progress, Raleris was left with an unsettling conclusion. "Immobile" and "treading closer" seem physically incompatible. Perhaps a word like "unflinching" would work better here. Quote: Half finished projects Half-finished scattered thoughts Quote: Raleris tugged at his beard. “I’ve been searching for my replacement for years. Countless names added to and then scratched off that list. This immediately made me think of the story Ariva, City of Wonders, and how at the end we see Raleris had been the one telling the story and the little girl caught his attention. I wonder if she was ever on that list...? Quote: “I am going to hit you, Raleris. I will hit you so hard and keep hitting you until you're a wee smear on my floor.” Are you channeling some inner rage here? Should Raven and I be worried? So, I think this was a good introductory piece. I admit that I much prefer it from about the halfway mark onward, especially when we get an glimpse of Maral's inner struggles, but the banter between her and Raleris is enjoyable, as well.

Author:	OrcishLibrarian [ Sun Sep 18, 2016 9:29 am ]
Post subject:	Re: [vote] Lady under the Mountain
I'll mainly defer to my comments of the original thread. But, suffice to say, who's got two thumbs, and is voting "yea" on this piece? [makes dual thumbs-up gestures, points said thumbs at self] THIS GUY! ... ... ... Okay, so that joke doesn't really work? Still, "yea" from me!

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