At twilight's end, the shadow's crossed / a new world birthed, the elder lost. Yet on the morn we wake to find / that mem'ry left so far behind. To deafened ears we ask, unseen / "Which is life and which the dream?"
Joined: Sep 22, 2013 Posts: 5699 Location: Inside my own head
Identity: Human
wordings
Quote:
And immediately at the sword point of a dozen immobile golems. He blinked and raised his hands, flipping through his memory for the word Maral had made up for this precise situation. Unfortunately, as the golems' heavy tread came ever nearer and incantation after incantation failed to halt their ominous progress, Raleris was left with an unsettling conclusion.
"Immobile" and "treading closer" seem physically incompatible. Perhaps a word like "unflinching" would work better here.
Quote:
Half finished projects
Half-finished
scattered thoughts
Quote:
Raleris tugged at his beard. “I’ve been searching for my replacement for years. Countless names added to and then scratched off that list.
This immediately made me think of the story Ariva, City of Wonders, and how at the end we see Raleris had been the one telling the story and the little girl caught his attention. I wonder if she was ever on that list...?
Quote:
“I am going to hit you, Raleris. I will hit you so hard and keep hitting you until you're a wee smear on my floor.”
Are you channeling some inner rage here? Should Raven and I be worried?
So, I think this was a good introductory piece. I admit that I much prefer it from about the halfway mark onward, especially when we get an glimpse of Maral's inner struggles, but the banter between her and Raleris is enjoyable, as well.
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