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[Vote][Story] Day Trip
http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=14422
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Author:  Tevish Szat [ Sat Apr 16, 2016 12:47 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote][Story] Day Trip

Day Trip
3,500 Words
Located HERE

If accepted, this story will be Public

(Yeah, I'm putting Day Trip and not Parts Unknown up. Parts Unknown needs work, Day Trip was short and harmless)

Author:  Lunar Mystic [ Tue Apr 19, 2016 11:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story] Day Trip

Pretty cool story!

Yea

Author:  Lord LunaEquie is me [ Thu Apr 21, 2016 8:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story] Day Trip

Two issues:
Quote:
Their flight was blind, and in the panic Aria nearly stumbled once or twice, but the vise-like grip she and Illarion held on each other's wrists ensured they both stayed moving.

β€œIt's blind with rage!” Illarion shouted, β€œI heard they get that way but I never thought I'd see it!”

The repeat of "blind" here is awkward.

Quote:
In the late afternoonm


--------

Quote:
Despite her proclivities, perhaps meeting a few other Planeswalkers wouldn't be so bad. As long as she was careful, and what could go wrong at a wedding with such a group in attendance?

I felt the color drain from my face at that. I don't know whether to congratulate you or warn you.

Overall, I agree with your assessment that Day Trip is short and harmless, at least insofar as it doesn't need any major edits or contain any problem areas -- whether it will prove harmless to Aria and Illarion remains to be seen.

Yea from I.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Apr 23, 2016 4:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story] Day Trip

I enjoy this story, and not just because it features a cameo from one of my characters, which still makes me insanely happy to this day.

Yea.

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Sat Apr 23, 2016 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story] Day Trip

Well, this is a fun one! Gets a "yea" from me!

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