this is... much more interesting. I feel like there's a little too much liberty taken with the meter here. it alternates pretty freely between trochees and amphimacers, which is pretty cool, but there are times when it's not really either. the line "Sleeves are deceitful and deep" specifically is almost impossible for me to not read as dactylic. "Mine once, now only lost," is also pretty hard to parse in the general meter. I really like most of this, and the jumps between the two primary feet I think are great and give the whole thing a jagged feel but the parts where it steps entirely outside that feel too off for me. I'm gonna vote not as is with the request for some metric smoothing.
