Ugh, fine, just try to slip in while you know I'm on, why don't you?
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| [Vote][Story] Wind and Void http://862838.jrbdt8wd.asia/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=12520 |
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| Author: | Tevish Szat [ Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
Found here If accepted, this will be public. |
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| Author: | Lord LunaEquie is me [ Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:15 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
Ugh, fine, just try to slip in while you know I'm on, why don't you?
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| Author: | RuwinReborn [ Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:13 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
Every time I put off reading one of Tevish's works, I always end up thinking "I should have read this sooner" as soon as I'm finished. This, of course, is no exception, and I find myself EXTREMELY interested in seeing what Ellia has in store for our newest planeswalker... I noticed at the beginning, the second sentence you said "edgem eant", which I'm assuming is supposed to be "edge meant". That's the only typo I saw. I think my favorite part about this piece is the very palpable feeling of learning and passage of time it gives me, without being terribly long by itself. I feel like I actually watched Halea learn, instead of having it just be told to me, when the latter is actually true. Anyway, this gets a "Yea" from me, and also, a "Well Done!" Thanks for posting, Tevish! |
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| Author: | Aaarrrgh [ Mon Nov 09, 2015 8:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
I love the way we get to know Halea and begin to root for her, although it is also clear that she might be a bit too ambitious for her own good. And now it looks as though she's proven too ambitious for the Multiverse's good too. I would love to see this mentor/apprentice duo go up against Jinsen and Kimberley at some point in the future, it is just far too cool of a contrasting parallel. Anyway, voting Yea. |
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| Author: | OrcishLibrarian [ Sat Nov 14, 2015 8:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
I'll mainly defer to my comments on the original thread, but, the summary is that I'm a fan, and this gets my "yea." |
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| Author: | RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this one, Tevish! I liked it a great deal, and much as I've discovered with Raiker Venn, it amuses how much previous knowledge of a character (Ellia in this case) changes the reading of the story. Without knowing who Ellia is, this is a fairly heartwarming and hopeful story. With knowing who Ellia is... Nice call-backs to the Cabal, too, with the reference to Linara and the chilling reference to "The Planeswalker's Daughter." I also really like the little worldbuilding touches in the story, with the guilds and the way they handle magic and magic users. That was all very nice stuff. There are a number of typos throughout that I would like to see cleaned up. I didn't not them down, but I know some were pointed out in the original thread. The one complaint I do have about this piece, though, is I think you overdid the "right spark" thing a bit. I really, really liked it when Ellia dropped that the first time, but I felt it lost a lot of the effect when she repeated it twice more in that conversation. I would encourage you to leave in the first one and when she recalls it at the end, but cut the other two, personally. Still, I don't suppose that's enough to vote it NAI, so I'll vote Yea on this one. |
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| Author: | KeeperofManyNames [ Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:24 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: [Vote][Story] Wind and Void |
I think this is one of your most poetically written pieces--I really loved the language, particularly at the beginning. I also noticed that you have a consistent theme running through the story of Halia not necessarily realizing the context she lives in, misjudging people's attitudes towards her, and so on. There's a real naivety to her that sets up well what's coming with her apprenticeship to one of the Multiverse's Greatest Monsters... Yea |
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