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[Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light
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Author:  chinkeeyong [ Sat Oct 17, 2015 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

The Guiding Light
by chinkeeyong
Status: Public :diamond:

It is the Golden Reckoning. The world of Solphos is in turmoil. Lumina Revelaris, a mage with the talent to create light, struggles to salvage order from the chaos...

I

II

III

IV

V

VI

VII

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Tue Oct 20, 2015 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

I mean, I'm tempted to pick the pancakes option, because PANCAKES.

:)

All joking aside, I wanted to just cast my vote here before I drop off the grid for the rest of the week. I'll mainly defer to my comments on the original thread, but the executive summary is that I really like this piece, and it gets a "yea" from me.

Author:  RavenoftheBlack [ Sat Oct 24, 2015 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

I'm still not a fan of the more high tech aspects of this story, but the story itself is quite good, and that's what Solphos is, so there we go.

"Yea."

Author:  razorborne [ Sun Oct 25, 2015 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

maybe I should've reread the earlier parts before moving on to the rest, but the ending felt a bit... obvious, I guess? like, the prose were great, really well-written, but the arc just didn't really feel like it delivered like it could have. I'm not sure what I wanted instead. I think a lot of it was part VI. this may just be me, but I find the trope of tests that you're supposed to realize aren't really tests pretty played out. then again I don't think just describing a really difficult test would've been fulfilling either. maybe a series of bad things happening as she struggles to gain control in the dark, then suddenly in one crystal-clear moment... Light. metaphorically paralleling her ascension, you know? I don't know, I just think that'd probably have a heavier payload than logicking out that you can't logic your way out. it doesn't have to be that at all, but I think it being something else would be better.

which... puts me in a bad position, really. I really want to vote Yea because it's so well-written, and because it dragged me into this corner of the community in the first place. this is a really good story. but the one part I have an issue with also happens to be the dramatic climax, which makes the whole issue a thousand times worse because that moment is when things need to be at their best. but I'd feel really bad voting NAI over a single scene, especially since, even though I don't like the narrative arc there, it's still really good writing. but... I don't know, I kinda feel like I have to? I'm gonna for now but I may change my mind PLEASEDON'THATEME

:duel:

Author:  chinkeeyong [ Sun Oct 25, 2015 6:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

I HATE YOU RAZORBORNE

I'm not sure how to do that "suddenly light" thing without it coming off as deus ex machina. The current Part VI is a lot like that, but using the trappings of logic to do so. It's meant to be Lumina's dislike for deception and sense of conviction taken to its conclusion as a character strength.

Author:  razorborne [ Sun Oct 25, 2015 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

I HATE YOU RAZORBORNE
oh no!

I'm not sure how to do that "suddenly light" thing without it coming off as deus ex machina. The current Part VI is a lot like that, but using the trappings of logic to do so. It's meant to be Lumina's dislike for deception and sense of conviction taken to its conclusion as a character strength.

I don't think it counts as deus ex if it's something that it's already established that the character can do. the problem with deus ex is that the reader is blindsided by a solution that isn't based on anything they already know, but this is a flashback scene so we've already seen what Lumina is capable of so her manifesting that here shouldn't feel deus-y.

I don't know, maybe it's just me but these days "a test that's secretly testing your ability to see through the test" just feels like trying to be overly clever for its own sake. it's... I don't know, smug? like the story thinks it's better than me? you're not better than me, story. :shake:

:duel:

Author:  chinkeeyong [ Sun Oct 25, 2015 10:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

Solphos is overly clever for its own sake, news at 11.

Author:  RuwinReborn [ Sun Oct 25, 2015 11:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

I should have read and voted on this sooner. I regret the former because this work is great, and I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I regret the latter because it deserves to be in our archives.

I for one am a fan of the Latin, but I am a shameless final fantasy 7 fan, so that's really no surprise.

Yea from me.

Author:  chinkeeyong [ Mon Oct 26, 2015 9:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

Edited in some italics that were lost when I copy-pasted the story over.

Author:  OrcishLibrarian [ Mon Oct 26, 2015 11:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

Edited in some italics that were lost when I copy-pasted the story over.

That happens to me all the time!

You'd think I'd have learned by now that you have to add the italics back in, but, apparently, my ability to not learn that you have to add the italics back in should not be underestimated...

Author:  KeeperofManyNames [ Sun Nov 01, 2015 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Vote][Story][Solphos][Lumina] The Guiding Light

This is pretty late in the game but I'm voting yea on this. I think there's some merit to what Razor says--I kind of agree with them about tests that are actually only trick questions, just speaking as an educator they feel kind of unfair to me :P--and there's some bits and pieces of prose that I think I could quibble over, but it's taken so long for me to get to this it doesn't seem fair to subject it to a whole round of line by line critique when on the whole it's really quite good.

I hope we get to see some more of Lumina's student days though--it feels like that could be fleshed out a bit as she slowly grows more and more in confidence and competence. I like her, I like Solphos, and I hope we see more of both!

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